Day 97
Since officially deciding that my next sub will be UMSv2, I've been having a pretty consistent stream of money making ideas. I don't know how feasible they all are, but the fact that I'm actually having ideas (for once) is incredible. At first, I was hesitant about UMSv2 because I felt like it might drive me toward working extra hours at my current place of employment. It's the only way I could imagine making more money, but I don't like my job. So, extra hours is not something I'm interested in at all. Because of all that, these new ideas are very encouraging to me.
OFv3 is working as well as ever. I can't say that I'm 100% fearless, but overall anxiety and work stress are at the lowest points that they've ever been. Recently, I've become painfully aware of how utterly disinterested I am in my job. It used to be somewhat enjoyable because certain aspects of it catered to the obsessive parts of my personality. But as the fear recedes, the source of those obsessions recedes. So, the aspects of my job that I used to enjoy are becoming pretty empty now.
I'll see OFv3 through to the six month mark, but it's not likely that I'll go any farther than that. I'm becoming really bored with it. I think it's a side effect of fear removal. My foundation has been largely cleared and I'm ready to start building on it. I'm not sure that I'm going to get much more from OFv3 in terms of obvious fear removal . I think that the obvious, outer stuff has been mostly dealt with. I believe it's attacking the roots and cementing the progress I've made to date.
Day 98
I was involved in an exchange on the forum earlier that has me doing some self-reflection. I've learned a lot over the course of the past 5-6 years through sub use and through comments made by forum members including, but not limited to, Shannon. There's a tremendous wealth information regarding the mind, self-improvement, and all things related. I'm extremely grateful for the opportunity to read/ponder/absorb this information and to interact with the very people that present it. This is a wonderful community of people that are seeking to better themselves. Sometimes we bear our souls to strangers that we've never met in an effort to better understand ourselves and to provide valuable information to the creator of the tools we use to our own ends. Because I've received so much here (even before I actually joined), I sometimes feel almost obligated to share my thoughts. But in reality, any situation other than my own is none of my business. We're all here for our own reasons and I have no right to intrude on anyone else's experience. If anyone reading this feels that I've done that, please accept my sincere apology. I am no better than anyone here. I'm just another guy trying to figure it all out and I learn new things daily.
My intent is to continue to learn about myself both through my own experiences and the experiences of others. IML subs are my primary tool. I and I alone, am responsible for my destiny. When I succeed, it's because of me. When I fail, it's because of me. If I fall somewhere in between, it's because of me. The more mastery I achieve over myself, the more mastery I have over my life. I do my best to hold myself accountable for it all.
Quote:I have no right to intrude on anyone else's experience.
I disagree. I am here because I appreciate advice and exchanging opinions. I immensely appreciate the community, be it for advice, constructive discussions, or just open hearted chats. For what it’s worth, I hope you never stop commenting and giving advice.
If a user does not want advice and opinions, they can specify that in their signature, or at the beginning of their threads. Whome does a partial version of that, and that’s perfectly valid.
In my humble opinion you were baselessly attacked, it’s none of my business, and yet I feel obligated to say something. Obviously you don’t need to be defended but there comes a point when silence becomes complicity.
(08-22-2021, 12:38 PM)fab10 Wrote: [ -> ]I am here because I appreciate advice and exchanging opinions. I immensely appreciate the community, be it for advice, constructive discussions, or just open hearted chats.
That's generally how I see it too.
(08-22-2021, 12:38 PM)fab10 Wrote: [ -> ]In my humble opinion you were baselessly attacked...
If you could read my offline journal from 5-6 years ago, you'd be amazed. I say that because I'm amazed when I read those old entries. I was the whiniest crybaby you could possibly imagine. It makes me cringe. When I say that I've learned a lot (and applied what I've learned) over the past 5-6 years, I'm not kidding. When I see other grown men doing the same shit, my instinct is to say, "Stop it man. Just stop."
But....We're all at different places along our individual journeys. Sometimes we aren't ready to accept what we need to hear. Sometimes we just need somebody to listen instead of feeling like we're being preached at. Hopefully with enough time and some gentle nudging, we can come to those conclusions ourselves. Sometimes when we feel unheard, misunderstood, defenseless, etc. we go on the attack. None of us are above it. I'm not, for sure.
LTU5 and up have helped me to develop from within to the point that I have some pretty thick skin, at least for the most part. Somebody writing stern words to me in all CAPS doesn't phase me much. But I never, ever want to be a stumbling block to someone while they're on a genuine self-improvement journey regardless of how 'right' I might be in my position. That's the big issue I have and it's what sparked my journal entry about the situation to begin with.
As a man I respect, you're certainly welcome to comment on my entries anytime, brother! You always have good things to say, great insight.
(08-22-2021, 04:25 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]As a man I respect, you're certainly welcome to comment on my entries anytime, brother! You always have good things to say, great insight.
I appreciate the kind words and the same goes for you.
I've been on both sides of it in the past. It's complicated, no worries. Your heart seems to be in the right place in the end.
Honestly, the internet can create a weird situation where things can spiral out of control quickly as some context can be missing. Also, we're using subs that are challenging parts of us that are sensitive, so there's bound to be chafing because of that at times. Never mind that one person can be going through something offline unknown to the other person which ends up indirectly aggravating an interaction, further complicating interactions online.
You're a good presence here, I always enjoy reading your entries and many of them resonate with me. All the best bro!
Day 98 (cont'd)
What I'm about to write has been on my mind for the better part of the day.
One thing that really disgusts me is hypocrisy. Claiming to subscribe to one set of values/beliefs while actions clearly displaying another set of values/beliefs is about as low as one can get on the 'pathetic scale'. But, I'm certainly not infallible and I've been guilty of the very thing that I'm so sickened by. So, when I talk a good game about personal accountability...yada yada...but the rest of my comments, journal entries, etc don't back that, I want you guys to give me a swift kick right in my ass. Call me out. Check me. The worse it hurts, the more I probably need it. My goal isn't to be praised or to have my feelings tickled. My ongoing goal is to be better than I currently am. That doesn't mean I'll accept blatant logical fallacies, but if I'm wrong, show me where. I respect that. I can even respect differing opinions, particularly if I understand the logic.
Now, for some frank talk. I don't see a lot of people in this world that I respect as men (mainly speaking from my personal life, from family members, to friends to coworkers, etc.). I see a bunch of little boys in men's bodies and it's sad. In my mind, steel sharpens steel. We, as men, should hold each other accountable (insert damned near any topic here) and we're better for it. This isn't a 'beat on your chest', my dick is bigger, gorilla mindset. This is genuine development as men. And the more 'real men' we surround ourselves with the better men we inevitably become. I'm not super optimistic about what I see regarding the concepts of accountability, maturity. masculinity, etc in our current society. I don't mean to sound like a downer here, but I'm afraid that the few of us making headway toward being better men are the exception instead of the rule. If so, I can live with being an outlier.
As I said above, my ongoing goal is to be better and I can assure anyone reading this that there is plenty of work to do there. I'm not really sure why I typed all this. Maybe there's someone that needed to read it. Maybe there's a lurker, like me, that went years without joining the forum. In any case, I'm going to bed. Goodnight everybody.
(08-22-2021, 06:17 PM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ]Honestly, the internet can create a weird situation where things can spiral out of control quickly as some context can be missing. Also, we're using subs that are challenging parts of us that are sensitive, so there's bound to be chafing because of that at times. Never mind that one person can be going through something offline unknown to the other person which ends up indirectly aggravating an interaction, further complicating interactions online.
Agreed on all points.
(08-22-2021, 06:17 PM)CatMan Wrote: [ -> ]You're a good presence here, I always enjoy reading your entries and many of them resonate with me. All the best bro!
Believe it or not, the same goes for your posts and your presence.
(08-22-2021, 06:25 PM)NOMAD Wrote: [ -> ]Day 98 (cont'd)
What I'm about to write has been on my mind for the better part of the day.
One thing that really disgusts me is hypocrisy. Claiming to subscribe to one set of values/beliefs while actions clearly displaying another set of values/beliefs is about as low as one can get on the 'pathetic scale'. But, I'm certainly not infallible and I've been guilty of the very thing that I'm so sickened by. So, when I talk a good game about personal accountability...yada yada...but the rest of my comments, journal entries, etc don't back that, I want you guys to give me a swift kick right in my ass. Call me out. Check me. The worse it hurts, the more I probably need it. My goal isn't to be praised or to have my feelings tickled. My ongoing goal is to be better than I currently am. That doesn't mean I'll accept blatant logical fallacies, but if I'm wrong, show me where. I respect that. I can even respect differing opinions, particularly if I understand the logic.
Now, for some frank talk. I don't see a lot of people in this world that I respect as men (mainly speaking from my personal life, from family members, to friends to coworkers, etc.). I see a bunch of little boys in men's bodies and it's sad. In my mind, steel sharpens steel. We, as men, should hold each other accountable (insert damned near any topic here) and we're better for it. This isn't a 'beat on your chest', my dick is bigger, gorilla mindset. This is genuine development as men. And the more 'real men' we surround ourselves with the better men we inevitably become. I'm not super optimistic about what I see regarding the concepts of accountability, maturity. masculinity, etc in our current society. I don't mean to sound like a downer here, but I'm afraid that the few of us making headway toward being better men are the exception instead of the rule. If so, I can live with being an outlier.
As I said above, my ongoing goal is to be better and I can assure anyone reading this that there is plenty of work to do there. I'm not really sure why I typed all this. Maybe there's someone that needed to read it. Maybe there's a lurker, like me, that went years without joining the forum. In any case, I'm going to bed. Goodnight everybody.
I also agree on this. I have noticed the downward spiral of masculinity in myself and others and it has bothered me as well. There are so many single topics that can be covered but for me I've isolated about 5 things (I'm sure there is more depending on who you ask) that I boil down to being a man.
1. Self Mastery
2. Self Sacrifice
3. A masculine display of love and emotion
4. Longsuffering
5. Leadership
I have taken stock of my own life and find myself lacking in a lot of these areas so I have gone about the process of building these places up. This is actually the first time I've talked about it because I wanted to BE about it before the words came out.
Where are the men of character? Where are the Aragorn's of our age? Where are the noble men that don't put on the tough guy facade but are the pillars emotionally and spiritually and leadership-wise of the communities they choose to be in? I know it's an idealistic line of thought but a romantic view if masculinity is sorely needed. We need to fall in love with being men again.
I could write for a while on this topic but I think we are very similar on our views about this.
(08-23-2021, 03:11 AM)Chris P. Bacon Wrote: [ -> ]...I think we are very similar on our views about this.
It appears so. I appreciate your comments.
Ive seen nothing but growth from you NOmad, seriously and all the respect that goes with it. MY closest freinds and I mean friends,not friendly assocaites....know me deeper thank any one and I they as well. they've seen , me at my so called worst and at my damnest, my best. LIke Marilyn Monroe said " if you cant handel me at my worst yu damn shure dont deserve me at my best"
were all on this healing path of Light as I call it, the Lakota People call it the GOOD RED ROAD, the road of Honor,Integrity and respect, growth,maturity. It spirals upward,as such...... you're an awesome soul and it takes real courage to continue the journey Man. Man to Man, you Rock Dude!! Keep knockin that Fear stuff into Oblivion.
Peace and goodwill.
Keith.
(08-23-2021, 09:11 AM)ncbeareatingman Wrote: [ -> ]Ive seen nothing but growth from you NOmad, seriously and all the respect that goes with it. MY closest freinds and I mean friends,not friendly assocaites....know me deeper thank any one and I they as well. they've seen , me at my so called worst and at my damnest, my best. LIke Marilyn Monroe said " if you cant handel me at my worst yu damn shure dont deserve me at my best"
were all on this healing path of Light as I call it, the Lakota People call it the GOOD RED ROAD, the road of Honor,Integrity and respect, growth,maturity. It spirals upward,as such...... you're an awesome soul and it takes real courage to continue the journey Man. Man to Man, you Rock Dude!! Keep knockin that Fear stuff into Oblivion.
Peace and goodwill.
Keith.
Thanks Keith. You're always a breath of fresh air yourself. I enjoy seeing your enthusiasm.
Day 103
For the past 4 weeks or so, my standard usage has been 4 hybrid loops 3-4 days on / 1 off. Toward the beginning of the week, I encountered an accute bout of fear, so I increased my use to overcome the fear. The increased use was 1 day of 4loops, 2 days of 8 loops / 1 off (last night). The 2 days of 8 loops got me past the fear but they really taxed me. My brain is tired and I busted my diet both days following the 8 loops because of hunger. I'll probably take another night off then resume my normal use.