Subliminal Talk

(10-11-2021, 01:26 PM)RTBoss Wrote: [ -> ]

(10-05-2021, 03:45 PM)Ampersnd Wrote: [ -> ]Day 140, T-Minus 39 days until end, 2nd Day ON,

Had my best sleep on a work night in forever - and for longer - but my smart watch didn't track my sleep; f my life.

Do you still use that sleep mat you purchased awhile back?

I've been tracking my sleep for a long time.  I used to get a lot of deep sleep - sometimes 3 hours or more.  Now, the most I'll get is 1 hour.  Last night, 4 minutes!  I don't know what I've been doing to alter it so drastically, but I want to get to the bottom of it.

Oh, the acupuncture one? Haven't used it in a bit. Might be worth trying tonight, as I slept terribly on a guest bed.

Day 147, T-Minus 32 until end, 4th Day ON,

I realize that I have this paranoid fantasy of being tortured by the government for information I know, or that my friends would suffer the same fate for information I share with them.

Keep in mind that I live in a boring first-world country where that doesn't seem to happen within 2000 km of me.

I'm either some giant scarredy cat or I'm working through some deep unconscious fears.

Day 148, T-Minus 31 until end, 1st Day OFF,

Feeling an inner rage/turmoil/boldness building up inside me. I'd say the feeling comes from not feeling in control about the direction of my life; it's had the same quality for the past 3 years; I hadn't noticed as I had been able to use that stability to work on projects, but now, my project is to change my situation. Therefore, I notice that the change is not occurring.

Day 149, T-Minus 32 until end, 1st Day ON,

Feeling myself round a corner. I'm entering the 6th month, and I'm finding that I'm willing to confront issues more head on; eye contact and addressing someone directly instead of worrying if I'm being too loud for those around me.
A greater willingness to do the right things, which can include making phone calls and moving around the building.
Catching female colleagues checking me out (they're aren't exactly lookers, but hey, it's a win).

Highly tempted to shave off up to a week to transition into UMS immediately at the 180 day mark. But I'll hold that temptation in.

Day 149, T-Minus 32 until end, 1st Day ON (again),

Looks like I've been getting my wish; a greater sense of "tiger blood" on a daily basis.

Day 150, T-Minus 31 until end, 2nd Day ON,

Had a funny dream where I was at a restaurant table with a bunch of people. Got a woman's number and asked her out over text. She harshly responded that she would NEVER go out with some "ugly piss ass sushi-smelling dick face" or something ludicrous like that (except the actual response was longer and funnier). I was cracking up in the dream at the response.

Day 151, T-Minus 30 until end, 3rd Day ON,

Dreamed that I went down to a nursing home that I used to work at; the only thing was I never actually worked there, I just did/believed that for the context of the dream.

I spoke with some nurses, and we wound up chatting over lunch. After that, a big and tall custodian-looking man yelled to me, saying that I shouldn't be there and that the nurses are ignoring the residents. I scrambled to get my things (which I had a lot). He was promising to return soon, so I hurried down the stairs and hid my things (and myself) in some living room corner; he then turned up to that room, and him and his friends all started doing exercises in the living room for a long time. All the while, I'm hiding.

So what does this mean? Fear of sexual competition? Fear of men coming after me when I speak to women? Also, remember driving down the road heading to this nursing home; not only was it not north of where I normally am, but the road faced south, and was in a different province.

Day 153, T-Minus 28 until end, 1st Day OFF,

I think I might have to cut out PMO, seeing how I seem to struggle for words and become monotone the day after.
It's going to become a line-item in my day-to-day goal sheet (disguised of course).

Day 154, T-Minus 27 until end, 1st Day ON,

Had a dream that my family and I were in Germany, close to Munich. I was camping out in some shack and just killing the time. Had a few days left there before having to fly back and couldn't decide where to go. We decided to stay there and try a restaurant down the road. We knock at the door and J.K. Rowling answers; she owns the restaurant on the second floor and invites us in. It's empty except for us; the restaurant has this spacious health club look to it, except for the entrance, which was very tight.

I remember being conversationally charming and holding her attention, but not much else happened after that.

Day 155, T-Minus 26 until end, 2nd Day ON,

Slept decently well on 7.5 hours. Dreamt that I was able to use the wi-fi network of an elementary/secondary school library/cafeteria to uncover all sorts of cool secrets. So I was posted up there for long periods of time; I didn't bother anybody and nobody bothered me. I just remember that the work I was doing was highly important, and that I couldn't do it anywhere else.

Day 156, T-minus 25 until end 3rd Day ON,

Got fed up with my job yesterday and, on the advisement of a colleague, put in two applications at a nearby facility where they haven't been able to fill the role.

Got home and did my usual routine until about 9 PM, but then I linked up with online friends and gamed until around 11:15 PM (unusual to do on a weekday). The server was modded so the characters could do superhuman things on it. It was absurdly fun.

I then slept; my dreams took two parts. First part was I was trying to create a video game with limited resources; I just felt exposed and unable to pull things together. I then woke up and noticed that I was not only upside down on my bed, but had thrown all the sheets to the floor. It was around 4:30 AM by then.

I went back to bed, and it took a bit of time to come down from feeling wired. The second part of my dream was that I had to transport my 1-year old nephew across many interstates, stopping at various truck stops. It started off well. Near the end of my dream, I was told that he was at a nearby parking lot in my car, but I couldn't rally my friends to stay organized and go to him; I was walking down winding roads like in the zombie video game I was playing.

Day 158, T-minus 23 until end, 1st Day OFF

Who else has actually been sticking OF v.3 out from launch until the end of the 6 months? I see a lot of journals with sub-3-digit day counts.

(10-23-2021, 07:32 AM)Ampersnd Wrote: [ -> ]Day 158, T-minus 23 until end, 1st Day OFF

Who else has actually been sticking OF v.3 out from launch until the end of the 6 months? I see a lot of journals with sub-3-digit day counts.

I'm one.

Did like 5 months of OF 5.75G.

Did another 5 months of OF V2.

Now almost 6 months of OF V3.

(10-23-2021, 07:32 AM)Ampersnd Wrote: [ -> ]Day 158, T-minus 23 until end, 1st Day OFF

Who else has actually been sticking OF v.3 out from launch until the end of the 6 months? I see a lot of journals with sub-3-digit day counts.

I am still running OFv3 although I have not posted in my journal recently. 

My first full run through of OF V3 will be complete by November 18. After that I may run OFv3 for an additional 3 months or so until more programs come out in 5.8G.

We will see.