Subliminal Talk

I agree, lets put the topic aside. Suffice to say that what did happen in the journal is representative to what I see around me. It is a very polarizing and emotional topic. It is scary to take a stand about it and OF is extremely helpful to cope with the related fears.

I'm starting OF Cycle 3 tonight...

Cycle 3, day 1:

Last night, I did another dream. I haven't done any during the last 3 off days.

Last evening, on social networks, I commented how hypocrite a big local media empire owner was by his public outrage about the non respect of social distantiation with his reporter covering a manifestation. They have been caught by someone filming the reporter crew that the 2 'harassers' were in fact with the crew.

The guy is a very big employer. And I did dream about him. I think that the message was to make me realize that my unique situation was allowing me to speak freely my mind without fear of reprisals such as losing my job...

but a lot of people are remaining silent by fear...

It is strange that OF makes me dream of fears that aren't part of my own by others's fears. Or are they? Maybe I'm misinterpret the meaning...

Anyway, I'm feeling tired this morning... and I guess that if it is important, the dream will come back until I correctly get the meaning...

Cycle 3, day 2:

Last night, I still had a lot of dreams. This time, I have dream that I was vaccinated by force. 2 police officers were holding me while a nurse did inject me her poison.

The dreams did continue with again the same scenario of being afraid to miss my return flight because hotel checkout is taking too much time...

Now, I come to think about it. Yes, I do fear the very likely mandatory vaccine because I don't trust the government and I think that it is lying when it says that it is motivated by the population well-being.

If the vaccine was good and really needed, it wouldn't be forced on people. You would have to pay to get it...

I feel like this particular fear is justified rationally. And some of my actions are driven by that fear. This makes me wonder about what OF tries to do with rationally justified fears. Does it leave them alone?

I would not relate this dream with vaccine fear, I think that's something about government related forces, Maybe fear of forcing to do something bad, you dont trust government and some officers forcing you to take vaccine, you thinking this vaccine as a poison, because you don't think they will do a good thing for you.

OF removes ALL fears. You don't need fear to make a rational choice. If there is fear, it is always irrational, no matter how much it tries to make itself seem legitimate by "rationalizing". You can clearly choose not to have a vaccine by logic based on what you believe to be true. No fear needed. But I think your basis for what you believe about the government would be largely based in fear, and without it, you may have a different point of view.

Let's also remember that we don't want to get into political discussions.

Cycle 3, day 3:

When I went to bed after having started the OF playback, my mind was focusing on new elements of the audio track that I have never noticed before. It did sound like a higher pitch element similar to white noise or like rain noise. It is strange to have listened the track for hours and still perceive new nuances in it.

It did stop me from falling asleep for few minutes (5 max!).

I did dream again. Dreaming has never been so intense than since I have started OF.

It is a mixed bag of several concepts. I really cannot make any sense to any of it.

It started on a desert war battlefield. This part did remind me something you could find in a video game (but I haven't played much video games for years...)

There was a part with me doing crossfit but at some point it did look like ninja warrior with lot platform jumping...

Then it ended in a vacation resort at the ocean. There was some touristic landmarks that could be visited. One of these were some sort of historical twin towers. The towers were connected by a bridge located on the 10th floor We were late for the guided tour but the tour has a ridiculous schedule. Something like once every 49 years. I somehow managed to sneak in the tower elevator despite that there was no tour, I went to the floor 11 where I could see the air bridge below and where I was having a breathtaking view of the surrounding. I do remember taking pictures of the surrounding. I do remember that I was annoyed by the fact that there was always something photobombing my pictures. It was either people far away entering the picture frame or a flock of big ugly weird birds (they were looking like fat ducks. I was even wondering how those things could fly...)

Really weird dreams...

Cycle 3, day 4:

No dreams that I remember last night. I went to the gym yesterday it seems that after a 3 months break, Im still not back to the energy level that I was when confinement started. Currently, the workouts exhaust me so much that I need to sleep a lot to fully recuperate from the workout.

Edit: I did finally catch 1 of the 2 elusive problems in my trading software that have nagged me for at least a month!

Cycle 3, day 5:

Not much to say today.

I was about to write a new test for which I wrote my execution engine refactoring. It seems like I'm postponing this task for as long as I can by working on other things. As I just started I got interrupted.

A new bug from the exchange did make what could have been my first profitable trade for many days derail by failing to send me events that it should have sent me about the order. I'm confident that it will end up finally pass. The market keeps teasing me by getting very close to my ask price before moving away. It did that since this morning on several occasions.

It is a bit frustrating but I did look what did cause the issue and I have added some extra protection to detect the situation and correct it in the future instead of causing havoc. In that way, it was a positive event.

I did dream again last night. Some part of the dream appears to be unconnected to any conscious event. I was drilling to find oil on a platform at sea... The other part more down to earth, I had to deal with aggressive criticisms of my positions taken on online forums...

I did still go to the grocery, I had to face some confrontation for some request of mine that I'm not going to disclose the nature here. I felt an improvement over how I felt last week. I felt calmer and I was feeling like I was emanating respect and love despite the situation. One of the person that I had to dealt with was nasty, aggressive and petty. It didn't affect me at all and I wonder what DRS made her feel during/after our exchange.

I need to put emphasis about this experience. DRS is amazing. I walk around and I feel like a wise monk that nothing can disturb. I'm feeling zen to the max. 100% unaffected by negative energies thrown by others. I really feel the invisible happiness bubble around me. Life is beautiful all day long and no one negative is able to change/influence that. This is how life was meant to be lived!

When I go to bed tonight, this is going to be my last cycle 3 playback...

Update: My trade finally passed. Something just broke out in the crypto universe. BTC lost over $1000 USD of value in seconds. That was the small push that I needed to finally have my order pass.

It is so funny. It made a 0.12$ profit. All that struggle for such a small reward. It is literally the proverbial bending over a steamroller to pick a dime...

And as my system was busy completing this trade, the crypto cataclysm that lasted for 5 seconds made my system detect dozens of 15%+ opportunities that I couldn't take advantage of because my system is limited to a single concurrent simultaneous execution. That is something that I'm looking to add later but making the execution go smoothly is currently more important than having several execute in parallel!

Another trade did immediately launch after and it did fail during the middle of the execution. It did stumble again on another situation that I didn't predict as possible to happen. It is quite cool. I have again another way to improve the system...

I'm looking forward the time were I'll covered enough possible scenarios to run smoothly most of the time no matter what it is thrown at its direction...

I got another random thoughts.... Seeing how OF is making me feel all the time. ie: calm and fear free... I'm very sure that this state will provide amazing results with DMSI...

Cycle 3, day 6:

In the last 24 hours, my system made 17 trades which went, overall, pretty well. It did encounter 2 new glitches but nothing big enough to break the party.

I have more explanation about what did happen last night. "Someone" sold bitcoins worth over a billion USD in the span of few seconds after BTC price hits his yearly top. This is not for profit taking. This is price manipulation.

This whole event made me realize one thing. If there is something that my trading system loves, it is volatility. When markets are too stable and boring... It doesn't find anything to trade. In 12 hours followed this insane market move, I think that I have made more trades than during the last 2 weeks! (and all those trades were profitable which wasn't the case in the last 2 weeks...)

I did notice a sharp decline in trade opportunities because crypto markets have been very boring since the start of the summer...

No dreams last night for my last OF playback... Starting tonight, it is cycle 3 3 days off...

Cycle 3, day 1 off:

I made a dream last night that I don't remember. The only thing left from the experience is an impression. It was agitated and I woke up exhausted as if I have been in the middle of a struggle...

Update:

I felt a lack of energy throughout the day. Something that I have noticed is that after a day where I have given a very intense physical effort, I need a full rest day to recuperate my energy level.

Maybe it is the 3 months of lockdown with reduced activities that have put me in that state.

On the surface, it seems like I haven't done much but I did create a whole new class system to encapsulate a whole aspect of the protocol with the exchange that current code wasn't capturing all the subtleties.

Creating a good design from scratch appears like not much but a lot of thoughts and consideration is put into it. So having come up with a new design today, makes the day a productive one despite the appearance.

Cycle 3, day 2 off:

I have just completed the refactoring initiated yesterday. It feels great as I'm very happy of the result!

Cycle 3, day 3 off:

Yesterday, I was craving a Of playback... 3 days off seems too much...

Anyway, no dream yesterday but I did sleep a lot. I have noticed that I need more sleep for few days now.

Cycle 4, day 1:

Last night, I did dream a lot but I don't remember the exact details of what inside the dreams.

In terms of productivity, yesterday, I took care of all the other tasks that I usually leave for when I'm done except that I'm never done so they rest unaddressed for some time. The end result is that I did the other tasks except working on the main one all day.

This make me realize that one cannot do everything. Time is limited and life is made of choices.

Well, that is not 100% truth. I may have spent 15-30 minutes starting one last required refactoring. I did make a quick assessment of what would be required and I have found out that the situation was more hairy than expected.

I went outside for doing my daily physical activity and while I was relaxing and changing my mind, the solution came to mind. So this morning, I know exactly how to proceed.

Last detected trading opportunity was 4 days ago. So I think that I did ventilate about the situation but back when I did last time in my BASE journal, it appears that my conclusion that, beside in extreme volatility situation like last week-end, where there is more trading opportunities that can handle a single trader, it appears that a bigger trader is employing a similar strategy. He may not be better than me but the simple fact that he is bigger, makes him pay lower fee, therefore, he grasps all the available opportunities before they ever turn profitable at my higher transaction fee.

Now that it is an accepted reality, what do I do:

I see 2 ways to approach that problem:
1. Lower my profitability threshold and even accept a small loss with the only goal to inflate my monthly trading volume to reach the next lower fee bracket.
2. Leave my arb strategy alone and develop a second new strategy that doesn't suffer from this weakness in order to build my trading volume.

With #2, at some point, my arb strat will start to be working again... I'll think that I'll go with #2.

Cycle #4, day 2:

Not much to tell...

Cycle #4, day 3:

Many thoughts go in my minds that makes me wonder how to write them. I guess, I'll just write them as they come and it will be fine I guess.

1. I wonder if overcoming fears can make previous programming resurface. I'm thinking specifically DMSI and SM. I have 3 situations in mind where either opportunities have presented themselves to me on silver plates or I did notice something in a way a woman was looking at me. I caught myself locking eye contact with one of them and felt something. For the fraction of second that the eye lock lasted, I had the time to notice her pupils dilate and I had the interpretation that this was attraction (or this is the AM6 way to reframe everything positively).

Maybe the changes performed on me by OF is perceived by others and their behavior around me is starting to be different.

In all those occasions, I didn't act on the desire I felt by expressing it. However, I'm not sure if I did hold my desire by fear or for other reasons.

2. This afternoon, I went to an event in downtown where I live. One funny thing did happen. I met a couple of people that become instant celebrities on FB with videos that became viral. I had very fun exchanges with all of them. On my way, I was having a behavior that social proof should have made me very uncomfortable but I was 100% unaffected by it.

So if I was to resume the events of the last few days. I got rid of any social anxiety that I could have before (I didn't have much). I still have some anxiety around sexuality. They must be rooted deeper than the social ones. Rome hasn't been built in one day. I notice improvements in the 4th cycle but the work of overcoming all my fears isn't over for sure.

Update:

I forgot to mention but lately, I need a lot more sleep and despite the larger amount of sleep that I have, I start feeling tired earlier than usual in the evening... This is affecting my productivity...

Cycle #4, day 4:

I did a very strange dream last night. I was in my childhood house basement with some sort renovation guys (they were 3 AFAIK). They were there with me to make me a submission to renovate the basement. You have to understand that renovation and/or construction is very far from been my cup of tea. At some point, they were making me silly suggestions but I couldn't point it out confidently since renovation isn't my expertise. At some point, they were laughing. I was asking what was making them laughing but they wouldn't answer. This situation was irritating me a lot.

If you were to ask me the meaning of that dream. I would say that the childhood house basement is a symbol for my core identity and that one of my fear is what others may think of it.