I have written a testimonial from my 12 month run with LTU5 here:
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Runni...#pid233130
2020-03-31- Some days are better, other worse. Today is not a good day. I'm irritated, my piano playing is going to shit, I can't focus, I slept 12 hours but are tired as fuck, irritated at everything around me and just feel on edge. I hate this feeling, even though I know it's going to pass. Good thing I don't have anything important to do today however, but I hate the feeling of one wasted day. I don't know why these days come, maybe it's because LTU is working on something deep that take energy and make just living hard. I just want to punch a wall, every little small thing that goes wrong is hugely irritating.
(03-31-2020, 02:53 AM)Zubrowka Wrote: [ -> ]I have written a testimonial from my 12 month run with LTU5 here:
https://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-Runni...#pid233130
2020-03-31- Some days are better, other worse. Today is not a good day. I'm irritated, my piano playing is going to shit, I can't focus, I slept 12 hours but are tired as *****, irritated at everything around me and just feel on edge. I hate this feeling, even though I know it's going to pass. Good thing I don't have anything important to do today however, but I hate the feeling of one wasted day. I don't know why these days come, maybe it's because LTU is working on something deep that take energy and make just living hard. I just want to punch a wall, every little small thing that goes wrong is hugely irritating.
Awesome! Thanks for sharing buddy!
You know that not every day can be a good one. Everything happens in cycles.
(03-31-2020, 07:21 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You know that not every day can be a good one. Everything happens in cycles.
Working out and going for a walk surely helped. Yes I recognize that, but I realized that you can make things to make the cycles less or more impacting on you.
(03-31-2020, 07:21 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You know that not every day can be a good one. Everything happens in cycles.
Not that I've ever seen
I know you mentioned cycles for yourself in your journal but not everyone gets cycles.
Good testimonial dude, i too am back to LTU for lockdown. Hope you update again soon
(03-31-2020, 12:19 PM)LiquidMind Wrote: [ -> ] (03-31-2020, 07:21 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You know that not every day can be a good one. Everything happens in cycles.
Not that I've ever seen
I know you mentioned cycles for yourself in your journal but not everyone gets cycles.
Good testimonial dude, i too am back to LTU for lockdown. Hope you update again soon
From what I have experienced the cycles are pretty subtle, I can feel that they are happening as I notice patterns, but I can't express what they are really. However sometimes I don't think that it's just cycles that affect my day, but something that the subliminal hit that is causing problems - however as I said those effects can be alleviated by working out, talking a walk or by meditating.
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. I'll probably update it after 18 months again.
(03-31-2020, 12:19 PM)LiquidMind Wrote: [ -> ] (03-31-2020, 07:21 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]You know that not every day can be a good one. Everything happens in cycles.
Not that I've ever seen
I know you mentioned cycles for yourself in your journal but not everyone gets cycles.
Good testimonial dude, i too am back to LTU for lockdown. Hope you update again soon
That's not necessarily what I was referring to... if you look, you will see that EVERYTHING happens in cycles, right down to the motion of the energy that makes up the quarks that form the subatomic particles. Sound is a cycle of movement. Light. Orbits of the planets. The cycle of sex-birth-life-death. Everything.
The cycles that affect me so obviously, they happen to everyone else too, but they are usually much less obvious and they don't necessarily affect everyone else the same way or at the same time. I happen to be "set up" to get hit 5x harder than other people usually are when it happens to me, for some of these cycles. So for most people the effects would be relatively subtle to difficult to detect, and for me it's over the top obvious.
Still, the cycles that are affecting me are affecting you. The whole "corona virus" thing is an example. In January I got taken down for 5 weeks with a virus, and for at least a month before that, this SARS-COVD-2 virus that causes COVID-19 was active. Only in February did people start realizing what was going on. There is a correlation between what happened to me and the outbreak of this pandemic. The same cycles are affecting us all, only in this case it's easy to see because the cycles affecting us are so powerful and in a rare case of two powerful cycles adding to each other's impact.
There is no escaping the effects of these cycles, but you usually don't notice the effect they are having because it's relatively minor, and you're neither trained to see it nor looking for it.
I had a real breakdown today during dinner with my parents. It started of with an argument with my dad and we really got upset at each other (which very rarely happen - I don't like making him upset, in some way I think I try to protect him from that because I know that he really don't like to fight - well that's another story...) but the argument went over into me having said breakdown - just telling my parents how I feel about life right now, that I feel like shit and a looser for maybe not living up to life expectations of some friends I have who own their own apartments, starting to get kids, have a better financial situation then me, etc. It was really needed and felt good just getting it of my chest and I had some serious anger coming up related to the whole situation. My mom was really supportive and talked to me a bit afterwards and it was just good to clear the air and I felt relief afterwards.
I started chatting with some girl on Tinder - and I've realized that I really have missed having someone special in my life. But I'm confused regarding this, I want a girl, but still I don't want my happiness to be bound up on her - Am I picky? Should I be grateful for wanting to connect with a girl and having a girl possibly wanting to connect with me? I haven't really had a time in my life where I was happy single, so maybe I should try to get there before going into another relationship - but that doesn't necessarily mean that I can't talk to girls...
In my opinion just enjoy your life. If a relationship develops, see how it feels for you. Does it feel like something is taken away from you (freedom for example) or is something added to your life (sharing moments, stories, laughter, fun). There is no need to put a label like "relationship is good" or "relationship is bad". Enjoy the time with people you like and if it is one person you enjoy a lot then spend more time with that person.
(04-11-2020, 11:15 PM)AriGold Wrote: [ -> ]In my opinion just enjoy your life. If a relationship develops, see how it feels for you. Does it feel like something is taken away from you (freedom for example) or is something added to your life (sharing moments, stories, laughter, fun). There is no need to put a label like "relationship is good" or "relationship is bad". Enjoy the time with people you like and if it is one person you enjoy a lot then spend more time with that person.
Good sound advise. It's just that I have a history of "loosing myself" in relationships sometimes and getting to attached - so it becomes hard to keep a clear head of what it feels like being on my own, and I have been in relationships just because of the fear of not being alone - I don't want to be in that position again.
I loose myself when I don't give my needs and my interests enough room in my life, when I feel I stop doing what I want to do and just do what others tell me to do. Especially in a stressful time at the job and then if there is also stress in other parts of my life it feels like I am driven from the outside and no longer from the inside. Like I am only reacting and not acting. So in that case what helps me is always to find some time for myself that I can do and enjoy things that I choose. It is MY TIME and nobody else's. Since I do it like this I don't lose myself anymore because I always find time for me, my interests and activities that give me energy and that makes me feel myself.
Is there something you can do in everyday life to get room for yourself?
(04-12-2020, 01:02 AM)AriGold Wrote: [ -> ]I loose myself when I don't give my needs and my interests enough room in my life, when I feel I stop doing what I want to do and just do what others tell me to do. Especially in a stressful time at the job and then if there is also stress in other parts of my life it feels like I am driven from the outside and no longer from the inside. Like I am only reacting and not acting. So in that case what helps me is always to find some time for myself that I can do and enjoy things that I choose. It is MY TIME and nobody else's. Since I do it like this I don't lose myself anymore because I always find time for me, my interests and activities that give me energy and that makes me feel myself.
Is there something you can do in everyday life to get room for yourself?
That's a great tip. I'm starting to find things I enjoy doing and want to continue this so I find some hobbies and things that I like to pursue - then maybe this fear of loosing myself in a relationship will not be there to the same degree.
Things slowly are moving forward - last week was a tough one honestly. Had some really dark moments with anxiety, irritability, anger. But as with everything, it pass, but when it happens everything just suck. And often when it pass, I feel like I've made progress. I feel and notice that things are becoming better, but I still have a bit of a hard time to translate it into a description with words.
Overcoming porn wasn't really as easy as I thought it would be. I had a 1 year streak, and then broke it, and now I have broken it a couple of more times due to anxious feelings or just giving in to the temptation. We'll see, maybe the reasons behind the addiction will be taken care of by LTU with enough time.