Thanks shannon
Thats exactly what my therapist said. He was actually quite amazed at the progress thats been made so far. He also mentioned its quite possible I just havent accepted that I have actually changed a fair amount
So the crying continues. I must be releasing a lot because my god I have been crying over the last few days.
I think I've started to actually release my feeling instead of bottling them up. Its been a good way to also get a release from the anxiety that has built up.
So its been a mixed bag of emotions since stage 3 and seeing my ex. I thought I would take some time out and read through some others journals.
I decided to read through ryan's alpha journal as I feel like I can relate to a lot of the issues he went through and my god I can see the similarities between what he went through in stage 3 and what i'm going through. The self doubt, The doubt that I've changed its all in there but its all resistance.
Now back to the positive
* I've noticed lately I actually haven't been caring to much about women. The neediness has gone down usually after an upset with my ex i'm straight on a dating site searching for another now I didn't even touch one
* I'm less talkative but when I do talk its in more of a bold way
* I felt more normal after stage 2 and at the end of stage 2
Stage 3 is hitting me very hard but push through the next two stages and from what I have heard stage 5 gets a little easier
I am not surprised that your therapist said the same thing. Does s/he know you're using the subliminal? Do you attribute your progress to the subliminal?
Yes I have told him about everything I have done in the way of changing. To be honest he is very skeptical about them but said as long as I continue to see him I can do anything that isn't harming my progress.
I also at the moment am still doubting that I have changed at all even though its clear through what everyone has to me but when I wasn't in this doubting stage I was STARTING to have some sort of belief that subs work. I can see all the evidence there in front of me my sisters changes, my own changes, everyone else on the forum but I still don't believe it. At the moment there's only one thing I know for sure and that is that I will not be stopping the sub until all 6 stages have been worked through.
Its evident to the outside world that I have changed and that my beliefs are changing but I at this point in time seem to be unable to accept that
It's always amusing to me to see psychological professionals skeptical of something so quintessentially psychological in nature. One of my friends has a sister who has a Doctorate in psychology, who insists that i am deluding myself, and that "there is no such thing as a subconscious mind". My uncle, who has a Master's degree in the subject, also thinks I am deluding myself, but he believes there could be a subconscious mind. How it can be a question at this point is beyond me, but I suppose anyone who isn't ready for it is going to have trouble accepting it.
It would have been a massive mess for me and Andrew to open a live uncensored forum if these things didn't work for the vast majority of people who use them. Think about that.
Agree on that one. Its actually quite amusing seeing the disparety in the phycology community. The therapist im seeing at present is actually the most open out of all that ive dealt with. My auntie is currently doing her doctorate and would not believe in subs at all. My phyciatrist said I would need a minimum of two sessions of therapy a week for 10 years to work through everything. People in NLP believe they can change things within 15minutes. I had one hypnotherapist tell me he could sort out my issues in 5 sessions with no work in between.
I have now begun to realise its usually more of a middle ground and consistancy is needed to change
It is very hard to research what you can't see, and must experience and encounter only indirectly. It is also hard to get anywhere when you have eight different groups (or more) all saying the rest are wrong... insisting on absolutes (it can't work at all/it works on everything)... and ignoring each others findings because they can't accept it, believe it, or use it to back up the position they've chosen come-heck-or-high-water, facts be damned!
Then throw in the people who don't have a formal education, who DO know what they're doing, who are getting results that conflict with the "findings" of half the "professionals", who can't accept that simply because the findings were discovered by someone who didn't invest $150,000 and eight years in going to college, and the people who don't have a formal education who DON'T know what they're doing, who THINK they know everything because they read some websites... ugh. It's a mess.
I'm just following what works and trying to improve on it. I'm an empiricist.
It is an absolute mess and for someone coming from a bad place it makes it even harder I know I found it hard to determine what works from what doesn't then the fears of spending a long time on something and it not doing a thing. For a long time I myself jumped from one thing to another (NLP actually being one of the worst) but I've now settled on my therapist, your stuff and a bit of cory's work.
I also believe that the PUA community throws a spanner into the works and I know from experience it doesn't deal with some of the underlying issues someone has so thats why most don't see the results that they are after. If anything this sub has given me a different road to walk. Working from the inside out and making it about me instead of women. Its actually quite sad how much I used to make it about women.
Quote:It is an absolute mess and for someone coming from a bad place it makes it even harder I know I found it hard to determine what works from what doesn't then the fears of spending a long time on something and it not doing a thing. For a long time I myself jumped from one thing to another (NLP actually being one of the worst) but I've now settled on my therapist, your stuff and a bit of cory's work.
What happened with NLP to make you say that?
Quote:I also believe that the PUA community throws a spanner into the works and I know from experience it doesn't deal with some of the underlying issues someone has so thats why most don't see the results that they are after. If anything this sub has given me a different road to walk. Working from the inside out and making it about me instead of women. Its actually quite sad how much I used to make it about women.
It seems to me that the PUA community is messing guys up. Not only on putting too much focus on sex and not enough on relationships including sex, but in that half of them are in it for the money, and haven't mastered it, and don't teach things that are useful, healthy, effective, take your pick. It's also making it harder to approach women because women are becoming more guarded and resistant because of these PUA techniques, in some cases. And you're right... they don't deal with underlying causes, because in many cases, that would be too much work.
And yes... it is about you instead of women. Growth for yourself is the only growth that makes the difference in this case. Women cannot be your reason, or your goal, while you're dealing with this change.
Maybe it was just my experience with the NLP practitioners I worked with. I did a weekend course a few years back and was promised to resolve any fear in 15 minutes and so on. I don't disagree with the general concepts of it just think it takes a lot more time and effort than what most practitioners put across. For me I found it didn't really deal with any issues that I had or if it did it was at a very superficial level.
to tell the PUA industry in general gave me the mindset of its all about women put that in to play with my insecurities and so on it was a recipe for disaster. I personally used it as a distraction from dealing with my real issues. Now there probably are some good guys out there and I do think cory skyy does a decent job focusing on mindset and lifestyle on not on women. For the the PUA thing felt cold, unnatural with no real attraction there 90% of the time plus I really didn't get the results I was after.
The pua community really fucked me up in the end and just piled more limiting beliefs on top of my insecurity. I had alot of success initially but then it all blew up on me and made me worse in the end due to all the pushing against my insecurities without actually working on them and changing my subconscious programming.
-Ben
Completely agree with you there Ben. I had so much that I thought I had dealt with that I hadn't at all and that all came to heed in my last relationship. I was actually in a worse space because of it while pretending to be in a better.
Its funny how life throws at us what we need at times. I needed to go through the turmoil of my last relationship to realize the path I was walking wasn't the right one and I had to deal with a few things instead of hiding them away. I've also dealt with more this time round I have actually dealt with more in 4 months than I did in 8 last time even though I haven't seen the results I had last time I'm on the path to see them and I'm actually being true and honest about my feelings and my insecurities.
So much more crying and emotional release this time round but I needed it. On the plus side got a strong urge to play the guitar today and went hunting but couldn't find it also got a feeling of wanting to go do my PADI Dive Masters over in Bali followed by all these fears to do with leaving home and moving away.
The AM program is designed around the concept that a strong, healthy, self sufficient man is a man who naturally and automatically becomes attractive to women, because that is what their genes tell them to look for. So instead of trying to make you into X, Y or Z for her... to attract her... to get her to have sex with you... AM says, "To hell with women, let's fix me, and women can take a hike." That is, incidentally, how you become that strong, healthy, self sufficient man: you stop focusing your efforts externally, and start focusing them internally. This culture we live in is so heavily focused on the external that the internal, the self, frequently needs to crash and burn before it gets ANY notice at all... and even then, most people don't know what to do about it, or what it needs! Alpha Male is designed and intended to make an impact in improving a man's mental and emotional core by getting rid of limiting, faulty, useless, unhelpful and unhealthy beliefs, ideas, responses, reactions and attitudes.
To put it another way, when your car's engine (internals) needs to be repaired, would you fix it by polishing the car's rims and giving it a wax and polish (externals)?