Also UMS seems to take me away from the outcome, prolly as a way to get me to execute. I also embrace change more now and do not really care where it leads me. Walking in the unknown, trusting the process. This seems to trigger visions now.
(10-23-2019, 04:00 AM)Kol Wrote: [ -> ]Also UMS seems to take me away from the outcome, prolly as a way to get me to execute. I also embrace change more now and do not really care where it leads me. Walking in the unknown, trusting the process. This seems to trigger visions now.
Interesting that... I am experiencing exactly the same with LTU5. Embracing the challenge so to speak. But taking action is ALOT easier than before! Like some mental block has been removed ;p
Yeah, similar element. What UMS is doing is getting me away from the outcome as it is a done deal. Money comes anyway. Its a side effect of being in line with the creative process. I have it alteady, now im rather taking a "backseat"
Day 1 bloom.
UMS seems to hit my core beliefs. Im also feeling my sexual energy increase more. Its pretty clear this UMS related.
Also, selfesteem and confidence are 2 keys that im realizing.
Also, as of late, I feel energy from UMS literally shifting to line up situations as is written on the subliminalshop page. More to dissolve now. Its like a slight rush and knowing when it happens, like a re-organizing.
Its so subtle that I only see it when I focus on it, that life has a slightly different quality to it, thanks due to the naturalizer.
Last night I had tons of dreams, dreams similar to other dreams. Suddenly losing people on a event, environmental changes and visual blockages by huge square formed building. I think it was some mix between seaworld and other elements.
Anyways, my dad is getting older, as Ive written in earlier posts and last couple of days I feel subtle suicidal ideation. Hopelessness, powerlessness, not wanting to lose him even tho hes a stubborn guy. It really send me into panicky mode, thinking "what if" followed by scenarios that hit me in my core. An sense of panic driven urgency and feeling utterly stuck. These scenarios really scare the shit out of me and make me uneasy.
UMS is the first sub that effects me like this. Its really a life or death situation, atleast, in those moments. To add; what happens in these moments, is a overwhelm in all the areas that are "lacking" comin all together and thinking "im so fucked" its like my subc fights tooth and nail. Yet, this might give my subc a wake up call aswell. Idk.
It doesnt affect my active life in a weird way, like im autopiloting my things im doing still. Like a second entity that handles it all.
Im really not sure if I should run loops tonight again or letting FRM unknot, untangle and dissolve in my bloom period.
There is a celebration factor in it, that is, I feel im entering the market in a new light. Seeing how all companies are a stepping stone and lead to my goals. Awesome. A subtle detachment from the 9-5, instead of utter opposition to it. Negativity around is dissolving and oppurtunities abound.
I have moved from a place where just the though of my dad passing away made me get into panic, but now I have a more reasonable view of it. It would, and will, devastate me, but I fee more and more confident in my own ability to manage life even with him not being here. It’s a case of finding your independence on the inside, and I have notes that fear often stands in the way of it. I’m not sure if it’s FRM that have made me grow more comfortable and safe in life in general and my ability to manage it and ride out any difficulties that may arise, or my meditation practice which are starting to feel deeper and I’m coming in contact with myself on a deeper level and can work out things, or both.
This reflects my current state. Its a rollercoaster. In all kind of ways. Like healing by the second, internally im torn apart. Im reclaiming my throne, my rough childhood isnt my fault. I can change now.
Im going through a shitton of childhood trauma now. Memories, things fall on its place. Meanwhile selflove is going very strong. Things fall in place, release, feeling come up and are worked through. My lowest low makes sense also. I feel a blanket embracing me, accepting me, healing me.
Om am6 I went through a similar transformation. So many questions and answers raise through this video. Im accepting myself, admitting to myself. Honest to myself.
That’s a great realization man. Your parents’ messed up stuff has nothing to do with you. It’s really freeing.
Yeah it truly is freeing indeed.
Im gonna be real, journalling feels like im jinxing myself. Obviously its fear. The idk whats going on is also fear.im weeding it out
Ran 8 loops last night after 3days of bloom. And it feels like christmas morning. Im already there. Time to go backwards. It leaves clues through contrast.
Started 5 day bloom today
All kind of stuff is coming to the forefront. Some serious anxiety spike this morning. Part of me seems to fight tooth and nail about letting go. Its the same old pattern persisting. Un flipping between selfsabotage, triggered doom as a response to an pattern, depressive feelings, hopelessness, old voicings and what not, an highly effective money multiply vision.
Its rough as I write this. Facing the raw patterns exactly as it is. I now see how im revisiting over and over again, which is pretty interesting.
Lately execution happens more and more. Like im ending a process and to close a book.
There is also some strong E3 going on. Externals at times are pretty "funky". Like, sort of dreamy and surreal, as if im amudst some huge shift. Also healing between me and what I call, source.
Im also realizing how all is an inside job. I mean, the numbers in my bankaccount change, financially I have enough and even more, yet, my internals, nothing changes. There is nothing to fear tho. I mean, I got all the resources. The whole fear thing is dying off. What I notice is slmost black and white, to the point that, when this hapoens, its like an inner underestimation. It leaves you weak, for a moment.
All of this leaves clues. This makes it such an awesome trip and an oppurtunity to heal and deal. Its like this fishing thing that no matter what, is staying at the surface, no pressure can hold it down. It can be pushed down, yet it resurfaces. This grows dominant.
People acting way more "serving". Lots of engagement, thank you's, interactions. As I write this, im amazed by the changes and shifts taking place. Its like these things that cause an "adjustment" of thought and approach.
Admitting some things, such as no money manifesting, directly lays barren the clue. Jelousy. Comparison.
Anyway, 5 day bloom time since today.
Edit; it all seems to line up. Internally im still goin ham. Something is there. Im also having a hard time by visioning my goals. Still i feel im at the cusp. Guess e3 is gojng hard aswell. Another thing is; it happens as it happens. Ums is revealing tons to me.
To add; I feel like im looking in all the wrong places. Im calling out all the fears and facing them. Going right in. Time to manhandle tgat shit. This act in itself feels like progress. To uncover it all, untangke it all, to not hide and just fucking face it. I might me thinking I knew it, only for the subc/ums not yet being done with. Its really powerfull to see it as an ally. Pounding and pushing through. No, we ARE going to do this. Im not backing off bro. Im a man. Im leading. Thats what I do. Thats my role. Im on my purpose to lead. Including all of my things. Manhandling that shit. Gtfo. Reframe of what I want to do. This is also changing in u derstanding. In paradigm and angle.
To manhandle money so I have the freedom to go further and attain my goals. To be free to go wherever I want, whenever I want, to focus on my other projects. Now im noticing the scarcity needy clingy shit going on. Its a matter of trust. To be free, have it covered, to have time and create time, to create oppurtunities, to invest my time in worthwhile things. To add value and being on purpose. To make money while I sleep. To create, experience.
One thing that clicks is 'to experience the mind of the girl" UMS seems to utilize seduction as a way aswell.
Anyways, its about the freedom, the time well spending, contribute, expand, grow. Add more to anything. Im done with scarcity.
It seems exactly that, clingy.
Literally leading is taking place. I aint scared that my mind is screaming. Im curious why. Okay pall, whats it all about.
It still amazes me (trust!) How effective and quick FRM works. Im good now. Softening up because of tension release.