(07-14-2019, 11:17 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Gotcha. Maybe after a while of E3, I should move on to AM6?
I ran AM6 when I was really co-dependent on a girl and it ended up with me trying to become Alpha just to get her to stay. That isn't being Alpha at all. I suspect I was a really hard case of being so emotionally attached to her that AM6 didn't manage to heal me properly, and that didn't end well. I don't know how similar our cases is, but I would say that I would have been way better of doing something to heal myself before embarking on the AM journey.
Shanon gave me a metaphor to think about regarding running AM in my place with a broken window that you need to patch up before doing anything else. I think of it like a sailingboat, before you leave harbor you need your sail to be perfectly sewn together, because otherwise you will not be able to handle the winds and you need you boat do be whole because you won't be able to handle the stormy waters or the boat will sink. AM will take you to some stormy places with big waves, and if you boat is damaged that isn't a good idea.
Well that's why I said "After a while of E3"
(07-14-2019, 11:36 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]Well that's why I said "After a while of E3"
Gotcha. Just wanted to give my few cents on it.
Yeah, I getcha. It's a good metaphor for sure.
I'd definately recommend a very extended run of E3 before going to AM6.
And something you likely haven't considered. This isn't necessarrily about that one friend, yes some of the pain is from her obviously.. but to have such an extreme reaction to it like you have it's likely connected back to something else.
For example dealing with alot of abandonment issues from being adopted, i'd get pretty angry and other emotions at rejection from girls, and alot of issues of feeling unworthy and such.
But exploring alot of it over time and especially recently, the overreaction to it and the emotions being stirred up, alot of it goes back to being abandoned by my mum so early. It's a pretty primal wound and i'm doing alot of work on it but I still notice I go back to it and find more of those feelings, but over time as i'm confronting it i'm noticing it is lessening and things are improving.
Ask yourself what this situation reminds you of from earlier in your life? And even earlier than that? And if it has similar strong emotions then it's very likely alot of these stronger emotions are connected to the earlier experiences, alot of the time it's around parents or early rejection.
It feels like it's just about that 1 girl, but if there wasn't that pain and trauma in the past that is very similar you wouldn't have the same intensity around it and would be able to better accept it.
I can't think of any early experiences that would affect me in such a way. Then again, they could be repressed. Have you ever fallen in love before? Might be a little hard to understand if you haven't.
(07-14-2019, 05:54 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I can't think of any early experiences that would affect me in such a way. Then again, they could be repressed. Have you ever fallen in love before? Might be a little hard to understand if you haven't.
The "have never fallen in love" crowd is going to be pretty small around here I'd wager.
Hmm. So maybe it is some sort of early repressed experience. Without direct access to the experience, I dunno what I can do, other than just run E3 until I think it's healed.
I'm tired of people telling me I didn't really love her. I know how I feel and I know what's in my heart.
(07-15-2019, 05:59 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I'm tired of people telling me I didn't really love her. I know how I feel and I know what's in my heart.
Well if you love her, why can't you let her live her life the way she want, if she has decided that?
(07-15-2019, 06:02 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ] (07-15-2019, 05:59 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I'm tired of people telling me I didn't really love her. I know how I feel and I know what's in my heart.
Well if you love her, why can't you let her live her life the way she want, if she has decided that?
Well, it's not like I'm trying to force her to be my friend again. At no point have I done anything that didn't give her a choice. So I'd say I AM letting her live her life the way she wants. That doesn't mean I have to feel good about it.
(07-15-2019, 06:12 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ] (07-15-2019, 06:02 AM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ] (07-15-2019, 05:59 AM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I'm tired of people telling me I didn't really love her. I know how I feel and I know what's in my heart.
Well if you love her, why can't you let her live her life the way she want, if she has decided that?
Well, it's not like I'm trying to force her to be my friend again. At no point have I done anything that didn't give her a choice. So I'd say I AM letting her live her life the way she wants. That doesn't mean I have to feel good about it.
Love has nothing to do with how you feel about what she does. Love is just there, accepting. What you are talking about is attachment, and I think you confuse the two witch each other.
And we come right back to where we started. I know how I feel and what's in my heart. Since "love has nothing to do with how I feel about what she does" as you point out, your argument for why the love I have for her isn't love (because I don't like her leaving) kind of shoots itswelf in the foot. Is it not possible to love someone you're attached to, Greenduck? Or has the thought that you're presenting a false dichotomy not crossed your mind?