Subliminal Talk

Ok I am back from the yoga class. I did meet this afternoon girl at the class. The class start has been delayed by few minutes. This has allowed me to talk with her a bit. I feel that we both enjoyed the company of the other. I also felt that my presence made her a bit uncomfortable/nervous... Again, I'm not surprised since she looks shy and reserved and I'm taking this impression as positive. ie: when in the presence of someone you want, it is normal to feel a bit nervous/uncomfortable...

The girl that I did talk about 2 days ago was there as well... As I was talking with girl #1, she did wave at me. At the end of the class she did came talk to me. To tell me that she is in vacation a week from now for 5 days and wanted my input if I had ideas what she could do. She wants to make a trip with a friend but isn't sure if the friend will want... She might go by herself... or find someone else or something else to do... We did connect on FB.

The Yoga itself was very good. Very relaxing. The teacher did compliment us. He said that by teaching crossfit athletes, it is the group having the best posture for yoga positions. As expected the woman/man ratio as awesome. I knew most of the women present and this has allowed me to know some of them a little bit more.

Day 16:

I tried to revive a connection that I had with a girl that I met last year at my gym. We did flirt a bit together. I must have documented my exchange with her somewhere in my DMSI journal. She did reach me out on FB but I had not tried to make a move on her. Back last year, she had a BF (I never bothered to try to figure out if she is monogamous or not... This is an excellent follow-up question whenever a girl replies back... I have a bf). I was hoping that she would come back to the gym at some point but as the time pass, it looks like more unlikely every day.

So monday, I started to chat with her... I tried to invite her to come share a drink with me. She provided some sort of ambigous reply. It wasn't yes. It wasn't no. I cannot blame her to not give me a clear answer when I am myself beating around the bush.

So today, I took my courage with 2 hands and did told her what I was wanting from her explicitly. I was expecting one reaction from these 2:

1. No thank, I'm not interested
2. A big drama <--- this is the one that I wanted because that would have mean that I have stumbled into a Wholesome Pretender...

So far, FB indicates me that she red the message but hasn't replied back. Again this can be 1 or 2 thing:

1. She hasn't fully processed yet my request
2. She is a timewaster

Either way, I'm going to leave her alone from now on except if I hear back from her. Bottomline, I did find this experiment beneficial. It did allow me to overcome my fear to be Mode One and this is boosting my confidence as nothing bad did happen from being Mode One.

but OMG, I am realizing how strong this fear of being criticized for expressing my sexual interest is. This fear probably come from years of social programming brainwash. I didn't realized that it was there because I was simply avoiding doing it. Hopefully, SM3 Overcoming Approach Anxiety will assist me to get rid of that ridiculous fear...

I had small errands to do and I decided to go by walking over there. Not 3 minutes after having left my house. A black woman in car stopped beside me to ask me about direction (If that is a SM3 manifestation, this is very good!). I had no idea where the street she was looking for was. So I did offer her to pull over so that I can check on my phone where her destination is.

So I went on the passenger side window and I started to seach her destination. I find out that she is a nurse going for a job interview. I look in my phone, find the street. Give her direction to go there. As I am doing this, I have the time to look at her a little bit better. She wears a short sexy dress that shows off her big breast. I give her my phone # in case that she gets lost another time but I also say: You call me too if you want to go have drink to celebrate your new job with me because I find you sexy.

Damn... It is so hard to be mode 1. I should have been more direct. I cannot think of a scenario that is more similar to what you can find in a cheesy porn movie when they still go through the trouble to make some sort of story around the sex...

Well, it wasn't as direct as I want to be... but it is not impossible neither that she won't call back or txt me... We will see... One small improvement at a time... I'll eventually master that shit...

I went to the gym. 4 Men 1 woman. It was the Yoga FB wavering girl. I felt her more distant today. Her loss. I have left her alone.

When I went get my daughter at the kindergarden, while I was talking to my child's educator, her young cute latina colleague did chime into our conversation. I did told them goodbye. I went on the second floor to get my daughter stuff and I have stumbled again on the latina educator (SM3 manifestation again?). I did chat some more with her. We have introduced each other... It is kinda inappropriate to hit on staff of my daughter kindergarden BUT I could have easily have exchanged contact info with her...

Still learning...

Day 17:

Something that I have noted so far. It is that from what I have read from people having done SM3 in the past, it is that for some, it was a rough ride to the point of giving up and people were having a lot of dreams while on the program.

So far, my experience is very very smooth and no dreams to report. I had a lot when I was on the refresher AM6 Stage 7...

I did return to the gym.

I met the shy girl. I met the wavering yoga girl. And another girl that I haven't seen for some time. All of them totally awesomely hot.

I felt them distant again... So I did the same as well... (but I start to wondering if this feeling is just in my head or is real...).

Bottomline, at the end of the class shy girl did talk with me a bit... She even hinted to going to take a drink to celebrate the upcoming week-end... That could be hint to what she would be interested in doing that with me. I will test it out next week when I see her...

Day 18:

Yesterday evening... Just before going to bed. I got messaged on FB by my first on-the-side lover that I got when I started to use DMSI back in July 2017. I got a fling with that girl up until Nov 2017. After that I pretty much lost track of her. She broke up with me because continue seeing me wouldn't lead to what she wanted (a LTR) and was making her unavailable emotionally for other men that could lead to something else than a dead-end.

I did wrote her about 6 months ago when it was her birthday. She did reciprocate the attention for my birthday. She did ask if I did miss her to which I honestly reply no but I wouldn't mind seeing her again.

This made her upset and she told me that she was just joking...

I started become explicit sexually with her by saying... Oh last time that you were that susceptible like that with me is when you were very horny and so on....

And she didn't reply back. I feel that I have been very Mode 1. I have no interest for pursuing a non-sexual relation with that girl and I don't care about her reaction to my XXX rated language. She is either turned on by it or she stops talking to me.

She didn't reply to my last message. She either decided to not make me waste my time with something that I'm not interested in or she is still processing the dirty thoughts that I did suggest her and will eventually come back...

I spotted a sexy woman in the members of the FB group for the beach that I go at frequently... I could tell that this woman is very sexual... I did contact her and told her that I would like stop by and say hello next time that we are both at the beach... She did reply and we started to exchange few messages. I think that this lead is hot....

If nothing else, having used honesty with my gf by telling her about my plans to seriously become polyamorous did make her stop taking me for granted and did motivate her to please me. I think that we had sex something like 3 times in 3 days. 3 times used to be the monthly amount.

I went to the grocery. I feel like this is going to be an awesome playground at some point. I'm still working on becoming comfortable opening women in that environment. I just didn't try much this time but I made several few interesting observations.

1. I have no idea if it is the SM3 manifestation module but I did notice a lot more attractive women in the grocery. To say the least, it was noticeable enough to be distracting...
2. I am discovering a curiosity about meeting women that I didn't have before and I am not feeling any shame about it. What I mean by that is if I see cute woman in a grocery alley, in the past, I would have stayed focus to where I have to go. I did surprise myself to change my itinary in the grocery to pass by close to cute women out of curiosity and possibly create an adventure out of nothing by tipping chance a little bit.
3. I feel that I have already changed into some sort of sex magnet but it is just that I am not yet fully owning it. All I need to fully own it is a couple of external evidences to confirm my suspicion and I'm going to totally own my new sex magnet self-image.

To expand on the last point, I did spot 2 really sexy girls at the end of one alley. So I decided to borrow it to go at their encounter. As I was getting closer, they did seem really young (but in retrospect they were probably still legal. I cannot think of 2 teenage girls doing grocery by themselves) but the point is they were blocking the alley so as I was about to excuse myself to be able to pass by, the blue eyes big breasted blonde girl did told me hello as if she was expecting me to stay and talk with them.

Stage 1, Day 20 (Monday):

I got a match on a dating app this morning. I was annoyed by it because she was a Latina that could barely write English. She was replying almost exclusively with emojis which was making the dialogue impossible to decrypt.

So I did figured, lets go full mode one on her. So I said: Let's go to the point. I want to f**k you hard and passionately. When are you available to make that happen?

She, at first, started to insult me and I was smiling because, I did figured that I was dealing with a Wholesome pretender (WP). Since she was replying back with so much passion, I kept using XXX language... She did eventually change her tone. She was more conciliating and saying stuff like she would accept casual sex setup only if it is a stable relation.

It did turn out that she was misleading me and was a timewaster. Bottom line, I'm so happy to have expanded my comfort in using Mode One.

Sunday, A girl did reappear on a dating app. I did mention her in my DMSI journal. At some point, late March/ Early April, I was chatting with 2 girls. One that I did end up meeting. She did turn out to be a cock teaser type of timewaster. I guess that she decided to cut me out when she saw that she wasn't able to manipulate me.

The other one did piss me off but I guess, I'm the only one to blame. I did chat with her for at least a week. We were planning to go take a coffee together to meet and just before that happens, she did just disappear of the application without any explanation. I did find that very rude and I was pissed to have invested so much time in a week to interact with her for that shitty outcome.

So, this girl did reappear and match with me. And I'm not going to just act as if nothing did happen. So I told her:

You reappear?

I was expecting some cheesy excuses and/or explanation for what did happen. and instead she did just say: Magic!

In my mind, I was thinking, well go to hell. I'm not interested anymore. I slept on it and Monday morning, I got some inspiration about what to tell her. It went like this:

Me: Oh ok. Tell you what, if you want to meet me, you are going to have to give me your phone #... And if you do... you must be willing to be f****ed hard because that is all that you deserve for that little magical trick.

She did reply back at the end of the day:

Her: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH
Her: Wow. that was very bold
Her: XXX-XXX-XXXX

When I saw this reply... I got a mild but satisfying erection. I did demonstrate Alpha trait with Mode One and this was pressing on her arousal buttons just right...

So, it starts to be a lot of coincidences of previous girls just popping back in my reality to be just coincidence... That SM3 manifestation module is really working...

Beside that I went to the gym. I did see a lot of girls. Most did seem distant. My latest explanation for that phenomenom is that they must be finding me so attractive that being around me makes them uncomfortable...

The only interaction worth mentioning is when I saw the qualifying girl from the yoga class (I should find them nicknames because there are so much of them). She did arrive at the end of my class as she is attending the next one. She was probably wearing her work clothes and sunglasses. I kid you not. She looks like a brunette barbie doll as she is so hot... This girl is starting to do me some effect... On my way to the locker room to get my stuff before leaving... We did stare at each other and I did smirk at her and she did reciprocate... I should see her at least once tomorrow at the yoga class (Could be twice if we end up doing the same workout class)... I'll try to stay in my corner and see if she comes see me...

Haha, nice.

Stage 1, Day 21

I went to the gym class at 4PM. I had few accidental touch with a girl that I was teamed up with as part of the work-out was to pass each other a weight. I have met a new nice woman. We have introduced each other.

I saw the qualifying yoga girl who was arriving for the 5PM class. We haven't addressed anything to each other. It is weird. I feel like both of us is contributing to make it weird...

but the best part, and I did keep it for the end.... At the kindergarden, on my way out with my daughter, I have bumped into my daughter's friend mom... She was all smiling and happy to bump into me... She did say that she thinks that it would be a good idea that our kids see each other during the summer. She propose that I take her phone #.

I did take it. Took a picture of her for her contact info entry. And she did put the emphasis that I should text her *anytime* I want because she would be very happy to receive my text... (that sounded like ambiguous on purpose... She is sexy BTW...) I did reply back with some more double meaning empty formula. Something along the line: Oh yeah... It takes one to take the lead and the other just happy to follow the flow and when that happens, only good and fun things come out of the experience... Sure I will...

Stage 1, Day 22

Quiet day today. I did skip the gym. I went doing my bicycle ride. I must have seen at least 2+ attractive women that I didn't talk to.

I know why. I have some sort of social programming that stops me talking to strangers for no good reason. Actually being attracted IS a good a reason but that one wasn't included in my years of social programming.

I would have expected that 'do what you want without worrying about the opinion of others' would have been taken care of by AM6 and I think that it has in most contexts. The only remaining blind spot is anything directly related to sex...

I definitely want to overcome this shit. Ideally, it would be nice if it was happening effortlessly with the help of the program but if required, I will use my raw willpower to destroy this limiting automatic behavior...

Only 10 days left to stage 1.... Still 10 more days to make SM3 Stage 1 very memorable...

Next, stage 2 adventure will start...

Stage 1, Day 23.

Today, I went to the gym in the morning instead of end of afternoon. That means that I have seen different people than usual.

I did flirt with a blonde latina woman and she did react well. It made me notice 2 things.

1. I knew that she was open for flirting because she is only one of the rare gym girls that I have stumbled on Tinder. Initially, I felt uncomfortable that one of my social circle could find me on that app. I felt ashamed because it could hurt my respectable reputation among that circle. But on second thought, I should assume my desire for promiscuity and be proud of it... There is nothing to be ashamed of that. This is something that I need to work on but realizing why this made me uncomfortable is a first step to change my self-image and beliefs

2. It only occured to me after I left the gym that since she was receptive to my flirting, she would have been an excellent candidate to perhaps "pull the trigger". You see this isn't an automatic reaction in my behavior yet. Hopefully, future SM3 stages that works on "pulling the trigger" will help me changing that.

Stage 1, Day 25:

Yesterday evening, I went shopping to Walmart with my family... It is funny how knowing that I wasn't in a position to flirt with other women made me more relaxed and this has attracted many flirting smiles... Even a woman that did initiate small talk conversation with me.

I did see a really hot woman... She had a tattoo on the back of her neck. She could have been a stripper. Just the way she was walking was emanating a sexual energy. I felt compelled to talk to her... and I felt like I would have known exactly how to do it... but I also think that I felt that way because I was feeling safe knowing that I wouldn't do it.

If I put that in contrast with this afternoon, where I went alone at the grocery and in the fruit and vegetable, I did spotted a hot blonde wearing some very molding black yoga pants with a very tight yellow t-short allowing you to see the shape of her medium sized breast. I knew that the right thing to do would have been to approach her... but I felt some anxiety and I did find some BS reason for not doing it. I did convince myself that she was too tall.... Yes she was much taller than my taste in terms of height but it doesn't remove the possibility that approaching her could have been very fun thing to do whether or not something would have happen out of that.

To my defense, since yesterday my gf did pour on me her PMS bad mood. I did stand for myself and put her back at her place when deserved but my day started again with some unnecessary drama and this has somehow taxed a little bit my mood for the rest of the day... I was perhaps not in the best carefree mental space when I made that encounter...

That being said, shortly after, I did visualize myself how I should have felt suave, smooth and seductive with the right mind state and go approach her... This did calm me... Too late to actually do it for real with the girl that I saw... but this is some sort of mental rehearsal and a goal to what I want and should become... It was crystal clear and I felt it and it was a very appealing scenario and the first time that I feel and see that...

I take that as a positive sign that some change is about to come... Sometimes, I get things to do and on the surface, it seems like I procrastinate but underneath some part of me is working on a solution and when I actually sit down and do it, it happens blazingly fast as if I always knew how to do...

I feel that with my challenge approaching random strangers that I am attracted to in places that I'm not used to do it falls exactly in that category of experiences. I will manage the situation like a pimp in few days without knowing where that comes from exactly...

Stage 1, Day 27 (Monday):

It was national holiday where I live. We went at the beach. About an hour after we did arrive, I have been offered by a very outgoing hippy woman to take few puffs on her weed join (now legalized). As pretty much everyone, I went to college and did experiment a little bit with weed but, tbh, it has been a very long time since last time that I have taken some of it.

This made me enter some sort of altered mind state. First, I became more relaxed. I felt my senses amplified. (Or maybe it was just my awareness that changed) Anyhow, I felt myself more anchored into the present moment. I was hearing more the waves, feeling more the sun and the wind on my skin.

And also, (and very interesting too), I have started to have this type of conspiracy belief (but a good one). It is that all women around were horny promiscuous sexual freaks and they were all looking at me with lust and doing everything to attract my attention.

I got a lot smiles from women. There is one that kept going back and forth between her towel and the water and was always pausing in front of me and was bending over in front of me to clean her feet of sand (or you know, any other pretext to show off to me). That one did really arouse me. I was forced to control myself to not get erect which is kinda embarrassing on a naturist beach...

Honestly, having this powerful sexual feeling just by looking at a woman, it has been a while that such a thing did happen to me!

She kept walking past me back and forth... That girl and her gf ended up moving their things just beside us...

Was it reality or fabulation in my head due to the weed? I don't know even if I think that some of it is real for sure. One thing that was real for sure, it was the belief that I had about the sexual conspiracy that all women had on me and how that belief did change my behavior, my body language, my confidence and the way I was interacting with them and how, in exchange, they were reacting back to me.

In a way, it has been very educational day. I feel that I am on something...