The Pony Ride Chronicle - DMSI v3.5 Journal

[Ampersnd]

How soon do you figure that Overcoming Fear v4 will come out? My inner child can't wait
Also, is DMSI-Next included as part of the free upgrades?

Final configuration of OFv4 is underway.

The free upgrades ended with v3.5.

Can't wait. Keep us posted!

[Ampersnd]

Day 39,

Just submitted my exam for AWS Systems Operations Administrator; took three additional and consecutive hours on a weekday. Couldn't get up to use the restroom. Couldn't drink or eat. Feel pretty good about it.

I think that the social anxiety that I feel derives from a few things. I think it goes like this.
--> Fear of large groups
--> Fear of the opinions of attractive women and their suitors (my competition)
--> Fear of their attention
--> Fear of their judgments of my inadequacy
--> Fear of my actually being inadequate, and not 'good enough'
--> A belief that I'm not 'enough' to be deserving of the things I want.

And from there, I can generate a variety of experiences from childhood where I developed those feelings of 'not enough'. I will be mindful about these things going forward.

[Ampersnd]

Day 40,

Not sure if I expressed this in any of my other materials, but I'm going to force myself to go to a bar or club on Fridays and Saturdays for the next little while, if only to sit and get used to the environment, all in the service of acclimating myself to the experience.

I'll learn to thrive in the space.

[Shannon]

Acclimation is the key.

[Ampersnd]

Day 43,

And so, I did go out on Friday and Saturday night.
I was sitting on my own for both nights.

Was more sociable on Friday because of the venue, and because I had swooped up a whole table earlier on, and a very friendly (and charismatic) guy came up and started talking with me. He sat at the same table with his buds. I found that he was a helpful home base, seeing as I could now leave the table and come back without concerns. I made three approaches in this bar (which I had never really done before); one brushed me off, one talked with me for a couple minutes and stated that she had to reconnect to her friend - promising to come back, but didn't - and a guy who gave me her number, but hasn't answered it.
I view this as a huge win, considering that last Saturday, I was closed off, shut down, and depressed that I "couldn't seem to muster up any courage to talk to anyone"

Not sure if I'm getting IOIs, but women look back at me when I look. I can never get a sense of how they're feeling, especially when they're standing/dancing right next to some dude of whom I don't know their relationship.

[Shannon]

Progress. That is very good.

[Ampersnd]

Progress.  That is very good.

Does DMSI (or any Indigo Mind Labs subs) have any programming about expanding your social circle, so that you have more opportunities to go out? 

I might have a wingman next week as a result of the guy I met on Friday.

Further than that, is there any programming about expanding my online presence. For example, building a better Tinder profile or a more impressive Instagram profile due to the fact that it works to attract women?

[Shannon]

Progress.  That is very good.

Does DMSI (or any Indigo Mind Labs subs) have any programming about expanding your social circle, so that you have more opportunities to go out? 

I might have a wingman next week as a result of the guy I met on Friday.

Further than that, is there any programming about expanding my online presence. For example, building a better Tinder profile or a more impressive Instagram profile due to the fact that it works to attract women?

There is not.

[Ampersnd]

Day 47,

I'm uncertain as to whether I want to continue running DMSI, but I've not run it today. Will have to decide whether I want to continue this sub (i.e., play it tomorrow) or take time off in leading up to the next sub (i.e., not play it tomorrow).

On the advice of Shannon, I might run OF v.4. It might do well for my night life attempts, as well as in my efforts to get a job in a new field, as well as in my soon-to-be entrepreneurial efforts.

[callie]

Sorry about that, posted in wrong journal

[Ampersnd]

Day 49,

Here's my decision for the next subliminal program. From the Master Key System:

"Non-resistant thought expands the Solar Plexus; resistant thought contracts it. Pleasant thought expands it; unpleasant thought contracts it. Thoughts of courage, power, confidence and hope all produce a corresponding state, but the one : arch enemy of the Solar Plexus which must be absolutely destroyed before there is any possibility of letting any light shine is fear. This enemy must be completely destroyed; he must be eliminated; he must be
expelled forever; he is the cloud which hides the sun; which causes a perpetual gloom.

It is this personal devil which makes men fear the past, the present and the future; fear themselves, their friends and their enemies; fear everything and everybody. When fear is effectually and completely destroyed, your light will shine, the clouds will disperse and you will have found the source of power, energy and life."

[Ampersnd]

Day 50,

I suppose I'm having TID.
I'm realizing of how fear is holding me back; from dating, from making money, from applying to jobs that seem a bit out of my reach.

Haven't listened to a loop since Wednesday.
Will give it a few more days before going for OF v.4

[Ampersnd]

Day 51,

I realized a couple of days ago that I've been avoiding things that have real-world stakes.
Avoiding Jiu-Jitsu tournaments, even though they were available to me.
Avoiding money-making opportunities.
Dating women long-term who also have fear-based issues.

It permeated the areas of my life. I thought the latest run of OF got all of it; it helped A LOT, but didn't get all of it, and I think it's been coming back.
Noticing that I've had some feelings of panic today; my contract ends in about 7-8 weeks, and I don't have a job lined up.

I really want to resume UMS 2.0, but I think that I need to work on my inner fears.