tianshiz-AM 2011 journal to a new self!

[mat422]

Mat, it is recommended that you find a comfortable volume for the masked or streamed (not too loud or too soft), then you turn the volume down a notch for the ultra sonic. you must have knocked yours down a good bit if you think your results have been hindered.

Hmmm, must have missed that when I read the manual for alpha 2011. When I played it the first time around I knocked it down about 2 notches, so it was pretty low. Shannon said something about the louder the sub the more effective it is, so I try to play it at a decent volume. I guess knocking it down just one notch couldn't hurt. Maybe my first run through of alpha wasn't as hindered as I thought and I just had trouble accepting everything. Anyway thanks for pointing that out Spiral, I've noticed my quality of sleep hasn't been too good these days so maybe the sub is too loud.

[Shannon]

If you follow the instructions, it will work fine. However, if you want to push the subliminal to maximum effect, play it as loudly as you can handle without problems. The reason I specify the volume I do in the instructions is because I don't want anyone doing something stupid and damaging their hearing because they weren't paying attention when they used the darned thing.

Quality of sleep can degrade if the sub is forcing itself upon your mind hard enough, and you are being forced to process it aggressively enough. That will go away as the resistance fades and the new "muscles" begin getting into shape. If you prefer, find a good balance between the two.

[tianshiz]

good to know shannon! I've never used subs so much in the past so I've never really dealt with these problems.

a bit more updates for my journals

I went back home for thanksgiving and have been seeing family and friends this past week. Many of the people I saw I haven't seen in a long time. With my family, as an INTJ, I tend to prefer listening to them talking instead of interjecting, but it seems like I'm more willing to talk more these days. This could just be due to my not having seen them for a while. I also voice my opinions more on a few situations, whereas in the past I would just agree with what my father would remark about something.

I went shopping with my friend last night for black friday. We went to walmart first in hopes of some cheap goods, but ended having to wait 2 hours in line for checkout. I didn't find anything I needed to buy so I ended up waiting with my friend in line for his stuff. Note that this is a guy friend, who I've been friends with since middle school. I didn't mind at all having to do this since it's been a while that we talked. Not sure what an alpha would've done in this situation, but I value our friendship.

As we were shopping I noticed something, that I was following him when we went around the store at certain points. I didn't feel like taking the lead, it was a pain, and I didn't want to lead them to places they didn't care about or what not. It was a lot of responsibility and work for little return. If I was with a girl instead in the situation, or if there were girls with us, I most likely would've cared more and would've led. Thinking back, I should not care about what others would think of my leading. Leading would be a waste of effort should've been my only reason.

I've been getting more and more into the idea of analyzing other's behaviors lately, especially because of my encounter at the mall in the previous post. It's also very alpha to objectively analyze how others interact with me instead of analyzing how my actions will affect me. I'm looking for some books on this type of thing if anyone has some recommendations.

thanks again for reading my journal!
Aside from the above not too much to note, especially since I missed 2 days because my player failed to loop.

[Shannon]

There's a lot of concern for what "an alpha would have done" in the beginning. Just remember this. Ahphas do whatever it is they want to do. If you want to stand in line for two hours to show support for a friend... do it.

I was in a gas station with a female friend not long ago, and realized we're standing in line and I look ridiculous because I had no real reason to be there. I was just following her around for no good reason. So... I walked out and sat in my car. She came out when she was done and asked me why I did it, and I told her... there's no point in standing around looking like an idiot because I had no reason to be there. I wasn't buying anything.

My choice was to go do something else. If it had been someone I wanted to catch up with, I'd have stayed. But my opinion is that two hours to check out is more than slightly unreasonable, and I would not have done that regardless of circumstances.

So it's all relative. You'll see how you act when you get further into it. It's a matter of valuing your time properly sometimes, which is something I am going to be increasing in the 2012 set.

[tianshiz]

It's been a few weeks so I will give a bit of an update. I'm nearly done with stage 1! I had a few days of the player not looping so I still have this week left.

At the start of stage 1 I was very observant of my behavior to catch any changes, since I could feel that the ultrasonic made me sleep less deeply. But now, nearing the end, I no longer feel any fatigue sleeping with the ultrasonic on. It isn't that the volume has changed, I have maintained the comfortable volume this whole time. Now, when playing the ultrasonic while awake, I can still feel some kind of stress on my brain. But either way, it would seem that my brain has adapted in someway:

1. it learned to accept whatever was suggested and no longer felt as much stress as before, so I can sleep deeper now
2. being conditioned by the same noise every night, I have begun to simply block it out so my sleep isn't disturbed

Note that these 2 reasons are the only ones that make sense to me, and I would hope that reason 1 is the real reason. I have no way of confirming this since I haven't seen noticeable results. But since I'm still in the latter part of stage 1, there isn't any real reason to expect much.

I guess I will get my answer in stage 2, if stage 2 prompts me to sleep lightly again then there is more reason to believe in reason 1, and if it doesn't it could just mean that I've been conditioned to ignore any sort of audio while asleep.

One issue that has been troubling me for many years that I wish to resolve with AM2011 is my stuttering. There is no formal cure for it and it pops ups and disappears at the most random times. But at least for me, it is something psychological and unconscious. A simple test with me speaking out my thoughts by myself produces perfect fluency. But the instant I have to do the same with another person, stuttering occurs. I still haven't narrowed down the reason for this. I'm not shy and don't consciously feel nervous around others.

I normally struggle with starting my speech, there is always an invisible wall that I have to tackle down by rehearsing what to say in my mind. After getting that wall down I would stumble, or slow and drag out word every few sentences. That's how its always been, and it gets worse when I get excited about something. Needless to say, someone that stutters doesn't quite exude confidence.

I've come to the general conclusion that I have some confidence issue that is making me hesitate when communicating. It gets worse the more conscious I am of stuttering, and gets better when I'm feeling very comfortable. An alpha, the epitome of confidence, would not have this issue. Thus, it is with great hopes that AM2011 would help me in my path to rid of stuttering.

I dunno if any of you guys have any experience with this, but please give me your thoughts.

tianshiz

[Shannon]

Stuttering is one I did a subliminal for years back, when I was doing second generation subs still, and it only sold one copy, but that one copy was reported to have completely fixed the stuttering for its user. That'll be one I need to re-create. Hope I can find the research notes again.

[tianshiz]

that'd be great shannon!
but do you agree with me that it's a confidence issue?

[Shannon]

It usually has a a lot to do with confidence. It also has a lot to do with feeling like you're not good enough, and developing a feedback loop of fear of expressing oneself isn't all that uncommon either. It's easily disentangled with a subliminal though.

[tianshiz]

So AM2011 should be able to help me? How long did the person who bought your old stuttering sub use it for?

[Shannon]

So AM2011 should be able to help me? How long did the person who bought your old stuttering sub use it for?

I can't say if AM will help with a stutter, as it's not designed specifically to deal with that. They used it for two weeks before seeing their stuttering go away, IIRC, and four weeks total.

[tianshiz]

Can be depended on to follow through. Usually puts the needs of others above their own needs.Stable and practical, they value security and traditions. Well-developed sense of space and function. Rich inner world of observations about people. Extremely perceptive of other's feelings. Interested in serving others.

what are you talking about exactly? What can be depended on?

[tianshiz]

It's been a while again so I'll update. I need to make myself do more updates cause I've been kind of slacking this past month. I was on winter break and basically did nothing other than chill at home. I did go out to hang with friends on occasions, but for the most part I just hibernated. I've nearly finished stage 2 but I haven't had a chance to gauge myself till just recently, having started school again.

Maybe because I took some effort to work out a while back, my friends said that I look bigger and taller. My parents thought this too when they first saw me after a while, so I guess my pushups did do something. Of course from hearing that I've been feeling a bit more confident. Previously out of my group of guy friends, I was the skinniest(and I still am), but now I feel slightly closer to them in terms of size and this puts me at ease. Still I want to work out more and get the good abs and chests that my friends have, it's not easy :/

I've been changing my diet for a while, limiting my refined carbs, getting less meat and more veggies and nuts. Hopefully with a good workout I can see some more improvements.

At the moment, I still feel uneasy making any claims that I feel any different from having nearly finished stage 2. Just tonight I was hanging out with my friends and some girls, a few that I don't know. I was introduced to them and we all exchanged out pleasantries but I just didn't feel like I was able to make much of an impact during our introductions or afterward. Even for the girls who I did know and are friends with, I felt like I was just looking for stuff to talk about. This made me a bit uneasy. The adrenaline that powered me the previous night didn't seem to happen tonight and I felt no different than I was before.

It's a new school year and a time to meet new people, to make big changes. I feel that I have to catch on this new momentum or I'll be lost in it again like previous years. I've made a few resolutions to cut off distractions that bother with my studies and social life and also some set routines for overall improvement.

By the end of the week, there's gonna be a big party that I will be going to. I'm not a partying type at all and my mind blanks at the idea of having to approach a girl in the party. My friends all want to wing man me, but I have no experience with this and it frankly nerves me to think about having to do this. My friend keeps telling me to act like I'm the shit and care nothing about what other's think, but I just find it very hard to pull this off as it's basically the opposite of myself. I'm not quite sure what I can do to prepare myself for this night. Any suggestions?

I will be going to these parties every once in a while so it would be fairly easy to gauge myself during the next few months. Hopefully by the end of this program, I would no longer be as troubled by partying as I am now.

thanks for reading, anyone else just feel awkward at parties? I just tend to hang out with my friends there and do some grouped dances....

[Shannon]

I can guarantee you, most everyone who attends a party is nervous in some way, for some reason, whether or not they show it or admit it.

[Tigurinn]

If you follow the instructions, it will work fine. However, if you want to push the subliminal to maximum effect, play it as loudly as you can handle without problems. The reason I specify the volume I do in the instructions is because I don't want anyone doing something stupid and damaging their hearing because they weren't paying attention when they used the darned thing.

I find that information to be fascinating! I've just cranked up the volume on my player ..seeing as "EU acts to limit health risks from exposure to noise from personal music players" (the headline of their press release in 2009)