Been meaning to post this since Sunday, if only because the last few posts seemed like a can of worms left open:
On some level, I think that I'd felt wronged/cheated by a past relationship and didn't know it. That may have been the lesson in opposition that the previous posts' dream had been trying to teach me, if Saturday night's dream was a heavily reworded sequel. And, no, I'm not intending to turn this thread into a dream journal, but this one actually had a clearer (but somewhat similarly-themed) message to it.
The first part of the dream involved moving past the fear of 1) a person who'd wronged me wronging me again and 2) a person who believed me to have wronged them repeating their accusations at me indefinitely. They'd both wanted to see me, but I didn't want to be anywhere near them. I did so anyhow, mostly because I'd felt that I'd lacked alternatives. The first person, who I'd felt wronged/cheated me, drove me to a junkyard where a self-animated truck (more Christine/Maximum Overdrive than Speed Buggy/Cars -- I think, as I've never read/watched any of these books/movies/shows) held me captive on behalf of the second person, the person who had thought that I'd wronged/cheated them.
I thought that I'd been taken there to be judged and tortured by the truck for having wronged/cheated the second person. But, in the end, it became apparent that I'd really been taken there to be taught a lesson that the second person had (unbeknownst to me) already learned, escorted by the person who'd most benefit from me learning it myself, a lesson that both people were trying to share with me: That everyone feels wronged/cheated by someone sometime. And feeling wronged/cheated isn't really about whether that someone truly wronged me/cheated me out of anything. It's about whether I believe (and, due to that belief, feel) that they wronged me/cheated me.
As soon as my dream self had figured out that I was the one determining that I'd been wronged/cheated (all based on my personal point of view and values, a source that I already know is my personal corruption of reality's data) and that everyone feels wronged/cheated sometime (no matter what the other person's intentions and values were), the animated truck that had me at grill-point and was holding me hostage smiled, blinked its lights a few times, saluted me with a side mirror, and drove off, honking a happy tune.
In feeling wronged (due to believing myself wronged), I'd been holding someone else up against my value system, making them "the other" who'd done what I'd (supposedly) never do to them while (conceptually, if not specifically) doing that same thing to someone else: I'd been judging others as having broken my rules, wanting to hold them accountable for breaking rules that weren't really their rules to have broken. All while feeling misjudged by different others for having broken their rules that weren't really mine to have broken. In a way, feeling unfairly judged is an interesting clash of values: one person's values' concept of what's fair and the other person's values' concept of judgement.
The only one who might be able to play by all of my own unshared rules (unless they self-contradict) is me. The only one who might really be able to play by all of someone else's unshared rules (unless they self-contradict) is them. Boundaries can't be observed if they're unclear, since it's difficult to play by rules that one doesn't know, and, based on their own rules, others could (and often will) still choose not to observe mine, crossing those boundaries anyhow.
Even if they knew what those boundaries were and wanted to observe them, people are still fallible; they make mistakes and, from time to time, fail to achieve their goals. If they put any effort into unrequired compromise, judging them harshly (even as a single individual in a single instance) for its failure isn't a terribly compassionate way of thanking them for trying. Some might even give up on that compromise, if their efforts are repeatedly met with harsh judgement instead of compassionate gratitude or encouragement.
On some level, I think that I'd felt wronged/cheated by a past relationship and didn't know it. That may have been the lesson in opposition that the previous posts' dream had been trying to teach me, if Saturday night's dream was a heavily reworded sequel. And, no, I'm not intending to turn this thread into a dream journal, but this one actually had a clearer (but somewhat similarly-themed) message to it.
The first part of the dream involved moving past the fear of 1) a person who'd wronged me wronging me again and 2) a person who believed me to have wronged them repeating their accusations at me indefinitely. They'd both wanted to see me, but I didn't want to be anywhere near them. I did so anyhow, mostly because I'd felt that I'd lacked alternatives. The first person, who I'd felt wronged/cheated me, drove me to a junkyard where a self-animated truck (more Christine/Maximum Overdrive than Speed Buggy/Cars -- I think, as I've never read/watched any of these books/movies/shows) held me captive on behalf of the second person, the person who had thought that I'd wronged/cheated them.
I thought that I'd been taken there to be judged and tortured by the truck for having wronged/cheated the second person. But, in the end, it became apparent that I'd really been taken there to be taught a lesson that the second person had (unbeknownst to me) already learned, escorted by the person who'd most benefit from me learning it myself, a lesson that both people were trying to share with me: That everyone feels wronged/cheated by someone sometime. And feeling wronged/cheated isn't really about whether that someone truly wronged me/cheated me out of anything. It's about whether I believe (and, due to that belief, feel) that they wronged me/cheated me.
As soon as my dream self had figured out that I was the one determining that I'd been wronged/cheated (all based on my personal point of view and values, a source that I already know is my personal corruption of reality's data) and that everyone feels wronged/cheated sometime (no matter what the other person's intentions and values were), the animated truck that had me at grill-point and was holding me hostage smiled, blinked its lights a few times, saluted me with a side mirror, and drove off, honking a happy tune.
In feeling wronged (due to believing myself wronged), I'd been holding someone else up against my value system, making them "the other" who'd done what I'd (supposedly) never do to them while (conceptually, if not specifically) doing that same thing to someone else: I'd been judging others as having broken my rules, wanting to hold them accountable for breaking rules that weren't really their rules to have broken. All while feeling misjudged by different others for having broken their rules that weren't really mine to have broken. In a way, feeling unfairly judged is an interesting clash of values: one person's values' concept of what's fair and the other person's values' concept of judgement.
The only one who might be able to play by all of my own unshared rules (unless they self-contradict) is me. The only one who might really be able to play by all of someone else's unshared rules (unless they self-contradict) is them. Boundaries can't be observed if they're unclear, since it's difficult to play by rules that one doesn't know, and, based on their own rules, others could (and often will) still choose not to observe mine, crossing those boundaries anyhow.
Even if they knew what those boundaries were and wanted to observe them, people are still fallible; they make mistakes and, from time to time, fail to achieve their goals. If they put any effort into unrequired compromise, judging them harshly (even as a single individual in a single instance) for its failure isn't a terribly compassionate way of thanking them for trying. Some might even give up on that compromise, if their efforts are repeatedly met with harsh judgement instead of compassionate gratitude or encouragement.
