03-17-2017, 02:42 PM
(03-17-2017, 05:40 AM)chaosvrgn Wrote: Day... Something:
Last few days have been infinitely tough. Overwhelming depression and despair. Intense self-worth and self-loathing issues have surfaced. Feelings that I hate myself and the fact that I have to run subs to make change. Strong urge to say "f*ck it all" and just live the life of a recluse that makes good money. It could be a satisfying life. Solo travel. Solo adventures. Not having to deal with people or bullsh*t.
The universe will drive a man mad once you realize how just cold it all really is. We all lie to ourselves that we're "higher" and "enlightened" beings but the truth of the matter is that we're just organic computers running on low-level primordial programming. Morality and ethics are just ***** man-made institutions to keep that programming in check. We're one step away from reverting back to our primal nature. And it won't take nearly as much as you think.
I've had lots of IOIs and tons of challenges from men and shit like that over the last few days, but I don't even give a shit anymore. I don't even care to report them. This "high value" life is not as great as it seemed as an outsider looking in. At work, I'm getting more respect and I'm quickly rising through the ranks -- but that means MORE WORK and MORE RESPONSIBILITY. Yes, it'll mean a lot more money, but it also means that I'll never get a time to rest.
As I increase in value, more and more about the nature of this world becomes so apparent. And all the crazy ass rich celebrities -- like Kanye -- I suddenly begin to get a glimpse of why they are the way they are. Living in a reality where everyone, everyone, EVERYONE wants to see you fall or take something from you. It dawned on me -- and I should've recognized this already, but I think I was lying to myself -- that all these women that are suddenly so attracted to me only want to either have my children and suck up my resources, or suck up my resources in exchange for sex.
There is no love there. Only the exchange of value. Transactions. No different than buying some sh*t from Amazon, except this time, you can't return the goods and it's a sh*tty deal anyway.
My mind is screaming at me to quit DMSI, lest I live the rest of my life being an extremely high value male -- earning tons of money and attracting women, but always having to be "on," never being able to rest. Return to the relaxing life of sitting around, eating Cheetos and watching porn all day.
That can be a satisfying life. Right?
Excellent question, but I'd have to say no.
Doritos are just so much better than Cheetos it'd be stupid to compromise. Do you really think you could be satisfied with a 2nd rate junk food?
