alpha 3

[ffaux]

Looks like AM6 manifested a circle of friends that abandoned me when I broke up with that girl. I spent 9 months investing in those friendships and growing closer to them whilst she spent 9 months neglecting them because she was so focused on me and then when we break up they pull her in and make sure she's ok through our break up and push me out by leaving me to my own devices. And even now, whereas previously we would both get invited to all group activities, they choose to invite her but not me because we don't want to see each other. This hurts. A lot

[ffaux]

I'm so grateful for the forgiveness modules in AM6. Things have been tough but somehow forgiveness has been my north and through that I have been constantly healing and moving towards healing. I don't think I would have made it through this experience without some very deep scars if it hadn't been for forgiveness.

[ffaux]

The emotional healing continues even though AM6 is done. I find myself in the foetal position or on the floor a lot just releasing emotions. Things are going really deep. Somehow the girl was a catalyst for something much larger, I'm having tons of emotions come up around justice and fairness, false persecution etc. it's tough but on we go.

[ffaux]

Why is everyone so desperately promiscuous? Where have all the people who don't seek validation through sex gone? Are they all in relationships already?

[Benjamin]

Sex is a completely natural thing, it sounds more like your own baggage and guilt around sex than anything else.

[ffaux]

I don't know about that Ben. I don't have any issues with sex. Sex and promiscuousness are not one.

[ffaux]

The emotions continue releasing and with every release comes a new insight. Things still hurt and upset me and I still find myself in tears most mornings but through being patient with myself I see through my emotions and understand myself better, therein understanding my emotions better.

My feelings feel irrational until I understand what lies underneath but often what lies underneath is hidden under the haze of emotions. I don't feel justified in confronting people over my emotions unless I understand them and often being upset about the event that triggered my emotion feels petty so I can't start by revealing what upset me either. There's a perception that women bottle things up and hold on to things and then bring it all up in a fight months or years later, I can understand why now if that's true.