Zone's Alpha Male 5 Journal

[InTheZone]

I wasn't planning on starting a journal for my experiences with AM5 but I've been noticing so many differences that I want to keep a log of my progress. Reading through many of the other journals it looks like Stage 1 is hit or miss on progress. My experience has shown that it is definitely a hit for me.

I'm currently on day 16 in stage 1 and I have noticed an increased sensitivity to my neediness. It is as if I can predict behavior of others based on my neediness for their response. Last night at a dance there were a few girls there that I felt the need to impress. My neediness for their attention and approval drew them away from me where the women at the dance that I had no interest in impressing and didn't care for their response were drawn to me. This made complete sense to me before I ever started using AM5 but now it is as though a veil had been lifted and I can see it in my interactions.

It is not just my relationships towards women that this is effecting. I can see it in my interactions with my boss at work. I can feel my need for his approval on my work. My main motivation at work is not to keep my job or get a raise but to get my boss's approval and to hear those elusive words, "Good job". In my head I justify that I have done a good job but he doesn't recognize my efforts or he is just not as socially developed as I am to display his appreciation.

I feel like stage 1 so far has been showing me how much I need the change that is in store throughout the rest of the program. Before I started AM, I didn't know how much I would get out of it. I've been working on myself quite extensively for six years including losing about 100 pounds of weight, developing a social life and exploring the country by living in difference places every year or so. It is shocking for me to see that there is so much space left for improvement but it is also exciting. It gives me a glimpse that there is a much better life on the other side.

[Shannon]

Stage 1 is hit or miss because some people have a lot less "garbage" to clear out first, and some people are a lot less "on level" with the necessary foundation. Hit or miss, it's necessary, and a very good thing to experience. Enjoy your journey.

[InTheZone]

Just started stage 2 yesterday and I'm really loving it so far. I've noticed quite a few changes so far that include:

More attention to my appearance. I notice little things in my look that kind of annoy me now that I don't think I would have noticed before. It is helping me keep groomed better.

I'm rocking it at work. My productivity and focus have improved noticeably. There is still a lot of room for improvement here but I am starting to see what I'm capable of when I'm on.

I take notice of my internal state more often. When I feel nervous or anxious it seems more noticeable than before. I spend more time thinking about why I feel certain ways.

My neediness towards women has dropped a ton. I actually feel like my life is great right now without a woman in it. I spend a bunch of time doing things I really enjoy and I'm actually more worried that getting involved with a woman might screw things up. Its really fun to be able to mess around with girls now because I don't really care if they like me or not. The funny thing is that they seem to like me more when I do this. I told some girl yesterday that I thought her outfit looked like it was from the 80's. She giggled and told me my shirt looked like the sky.

Today a girl on the street opened me. I was so stunned that I didn't actually know what to do. Having been on the other side of that more than a few times, I can finally see what its like to be on the receiving end.

I really don't know what to expect moving forward but I feel like the first 32 days have been really amazing so far. I'm just going to take Shannon's advice and enjoy the journey.

[InTheZone]

Day 11 of stage 2: It has been a fabulous week. On Monday I had my first dance performance ever. It was at a salsa club downtown where most of the best salsa dancer hang out. The dance space was small and there were six of us performing. I had just learned the routine but I felt really good about it until the music came on then it felt like "This is for real". I messed up one small part but overall it went really well.

After our performance there was another girl that was performing solo. She was amazing to watch. I got the chance to talk to her before the performances and it really inspired me that she had only been dancing for seven years.

I was playing it cool with her all night. Even told her when we shook hands that I thought her handshake was kind of weird. Really don't know where that came from but I owned it. Later on I was sitting back watching all the great dancers with the live salsa band. I was perfectly happy just sitting there and watching but she called me out on my too cool for school act. She gave me that "Get over here and dance with me" look. Nothing I could do at this point but own it.

I got out there and danced with her. Salsa songs are notorious for being way too long. It was probably about ten minutes long. After about three or four minutes I ran out of the moves that I felt comfortable with so I decided to try the new moves I learned. They were hard for me to keep the rhythm of the music. I didn't feel great about the dance but I just kept with it until the end. I would actually say that I felt self-concious about how my dancing looked to others including her.

The next day at dance class I was talking with the others on my dance team and they told me that they watched me dancing with that girl. It shocked me because they thought the dance looked awesome and they were giving me compliment after compliment about my dancing. It was funny because that whole time I thought it looked bad.

Last night I went out swing dancing in the upper west side. I try to get out and swing dance to keep it fresh in my mind since I'm not taking any swing classes. I decided to get out there and dance with everyone. When I start the night with that attitude then it just continues and gains momentum.

I was flirting with the girls and they were giggling all night. I told one of the girls "I like your little butt turn but have no idea where you learned it". There was one woman that I was talking to that ended up with me touching her leg. It was funny because she was married and the next thing I knew, this guy which I assume was her husband, came up. He was probably wondering why the hell some random guy is touching his wife's leg. I brought him into the conversation and he was having a great time after a few minutes.

I've never had interactions like that before. It was easy to flirt with girls and speak my mind. After meeting that girl's husband, reminded me of why I'm working on my social skills and working to improve my life. He was so quiet and shy. I remember being like that and now I notice how much better life it now that I can express myself.

[SargeMaximus]

Inspiring progress. What made you decide to start subs? You seem to be in a good place as far as options and direction in life are concerned.

[InTheZone]

Thanks! I found out about the subliminal audio world about ten months ago. I was fascinated by the prospect of being able to improve myself while I was sleeping. I had been skeptical about everything in life expecting to see before I ever believed but I chose to believe that subliminal audios worked and I actually saw a lot of results.

I've been following your progress. It is really cool to see the things that you notice about yourself and your attitude. I have been noticing some of the same feelings. I kinda get a glimpse of what is coming up since you are a couple of months ahead of me.

[InTheZone]

I was out salsa dancing last night and had a great time. Met up with some friends from class and danced with a lot of new people. Knowing that I do best when I just start dancing immediately, I grabbed a girl and started dancing. Before I knew it, another girl was chatting me up and I was in the middle of two girls chatting with me. Tough situation, I know... I found myself doing better socially when I was interacting with the people I didn't know. I guess the people in class seemed more boring to me.

One of the things I wanted to accomplish was dancing with the "hottest" girl I saw all night. I noticed at previous events that I would actually shy away from dancing with them. I found my girl and started chatting with her. She accepted my dance invitation and we had fun. I could tell she was an excellent dancer. There was a few moments of silence after our dance. I felt like she wanted me to do something but didn't know what. She walked off and I found the next girl. Actually, the next girl found me. It was a girl that I had danced with the night before and I could tell she was into me. We danced for a while and then she went off to get a drink. Everything I know about girls told me not to be standing there when she got back so I went off to look for my friends.

After the concert was over, I didn't see any of the girls I danced with. I guess I need to get better at number closing during the event if I want to see them again.

I ended up walking home with one of the girls from class. Ended up finding out on the way home that she had a boyfriend and then she started telling me about her relationship problems. Again, everything I know about girls tells me to avoid being that guy that she talked about her relationship problem with, but, I talked with her. On that walk home I evaluated my intentions and feelings. I came to the conclusion that I'm not really interested in this girl anyways, so I stuck with it. I don't know why but I actually enjoy connecting with women in this way. She told me about her problems and asked me for advice. I told her exactly what I thought and felt really good when I left. In fact its really neat because I know what she is looking for and that I'm definitely not looking for the same thing.

[SargeMaximus]

Thanks! I found out about the subliminal audio world about ten months ago. I was fascinated by the prospect of being able to improve myself while I was sleeping. I had been skeptical about everything in life expecting to see before I ever believed but I chose to believe that subliminal audios worked and I actually saw a lot of results.

I've been following your progress. It is really cool to see the things that you notice about yourself and your attitude. I have been noticing some of the same feelings. I kinda get a glimpse of what is coming up since you are a couple of months ahead of me.

I'm glad you've benefited from reading my journal, it's one of my hopes that if I put it all out there, no matter how ugly or how great, it can be a good resource for people like you who are just starting. So that's cool.

I know what you mean about being skeptical too, heck I'm skeptical now in a lot of ways, and there are days where I don't think these subs are working or will ever work! But I just have to look back on my progress so far and it's undeniable.

One of the things I wanted to accomplish was dancing with the "hottest" girl I saw all night. I noticed at previous events that I would actually shy away from dancing with them. I found my girl and started chatting with her. She accepted my dance invitation and we had fun. I could tell she was an excellent dancer. There was a few moments of silence after our dance. I felt like she wanted me to do something but didn't know what. She walked off and I found the next girl. Actually, the next girl found me. It was a girl that I had danced with the night before and I could tell she was into me. We danced for a while and then she went off to get a drink. Everything I know about girls told me not to be standing there when she got back so I went off to look for my friends.

After the concert was over, I didn't see any of the girls I danced with. I guess I need to get better at number closing during the event if I want to see them again.

I ended up walking home with one of the girls from class. Ended up finding out on the way home that she had a boyfriend and then she started telling me about her relationship problems. Again, everything I know about girls tells me to avoid being that guy that she talked about her relationship problem with, but, I talked with her. On that walk home I evaluated my intentions and feelings. I came to the conclusion that I'm not really interested in this girl anyways, so I stuck with it. I don't know why but I actually enjoy connecting with women in this way. She told me about her problems and asked me for advice. I told her exactly what I thought and felt really good when I left. In fact its really neat because I know what she is looking for and that I'm definitely not looking for the same thing.

Awesome story! My initial reaction to the end part was "why are you listening to her problems?" But hey, it's what you wanted to do, and that's all that matters. I look forward to reading more, I think you've got a great head start.

[Astrack]

I started Stage 2 on 29-6-2013. To be honest I find most of my thoughts like sarge maximus. I am on stage 2 and sometimes I feel low then get back up. Some of my insecurities are popping up .

[InTheZone]

The day got off to an awesome start but somewhere near the end, everything went down. I've been infatuated with the concept of death and why we are here recently. OGSF had me re-examine some of my views on life and it seems like AM is really slamming my face into the floor. I couldn't get over the thought that if I was hit by a bus tomorrow, what would I really leave behind.

I allowed the thought to stir around my mind and broke it down. My work is in software development and as such things change so much that there really isn't a legacy left with my work. In fact, I spend most of my time converting stuff over from old systems. So I pretty much spend my time removing other software developer's legacies.

In my personal life there are lots of relationships that would be affected but it still makes me wonder how much of an impact that would have over a longer term of time. I certainly don't wish that people spend the rest of their lives moping around after I'm gone but I do wonder what I leave them. There are no little Zone's walking around which would be an obvious legacy to leave behind.

In some sense I feel like there is something that I am here to do but I don't consciously know what it is yet.

[InTheZone]

This morning has brought a little more clarity to some of the resistance I'm facing. I think there is a conflict between my current reality and the reality that AM is suggesting. The struggle is about the thought of being truly happy alone. My subconscious is really fighting it because it thinks that there is no way I could ever be happy alone for a long period of time. It believes that happiness is external, not internal.

I can see the resistance in the form of symptoms too. It seems like issues about if I picked the right path as far as subliminal messages. Are they really going to help or am I wasting time. Six months is a long time to dedicate to listening to something every single night. It will be near Christmas by the time I'm done!

Before today I could see the resistance starting to hit just like it did in OSGF but I couldn't put my finger on the issue until today. This is the part where I just need to stay disciplined and let AM do what it does.

[SargeMaximus]

I can see the resistance in the form of symptoms too. It seems like issues about if I picked the right path as far as subliminal messages. Are they really going to help or am I wasting time. Six months is a long time to dedicate to listening to something every single night. It will be near Christmas by the time I'm done!

Before today I could see the resistance starting to hit just like it did in OSGF but I couldn't put my finger on the issue until today. This is the part where I just need to stay disciplined and let AM do what it does.

Indeed. The time will pass by whether you use subliminals or not. Might as well use a sub that you hope to improve from.

[InTheZone]

Seven days until stage three. I can see the improvements starting to come together but the emotions are difficult to handle sometimes. Last night I had this feeling of being defective like I was the lemon that came off the assembly line. It wasn't like the night went all that bad but walking home I see all these guys standing outside the bars and clubs with girls hanging on them. I, of course, was walking home alone, again. I couldn't fight the thought of being defective like I was missing the programming to be capable of such a feat.

I must admit that I was so pissed off at myself during that walk that I ended up with a headache (first time thats ever happened) but by the time I got home, it was gone. I was fine again.

In other news I'm kicking butt at work. I keep on top of everything and I'm getting so much work done it is amazing.

[Shannon]

I have many times walked home alone "again". For me, I have noticed that women come or go in waves. I have "feast waves" where multiple women all show up at once and want to be with me, and "famine waves" where no matter what I do, women refuse to notice me or be interested. Mine go in cycles of 3-4 years at a time. I suspect it's like this for other guys as well, to a greater or lesser degree. But when you're wanting companionship so much, it's damned frustrating, and seeing others having what you want only makes it worse. Many, many times I went out alone, and came home alone. Saw everyone else coupled... got frustrated as hell. But in the end, all you can do is try your best, and wait. The one constant in the universe is... change. Hang in there.