Woceyes AM round 2

[woceyes]

Tonight is when i will finally start the Alpha Male 5.0. In case your new to my journals or not. I have ran Alpha Male 2010 and Sex Magnet 1.0 for the sets. I have also ran a lot of single stage programs, most of which i can't remember to list them all here.

After Sex Magnet i had a lot of tension and anger towards some things which I have been working on overcoming. Right now i am in this laid back let things happen as they happen mode. When the time rise for me to defend or chew someone out i have no problem doing it. I just think I am too Zen and not enough umph to push for more change. so round two of Alpha Male i will start tonight. other then what i mentioned i am just gonna let things happen and not look for anything. So this journal may or may not have a lot of writing.

Also Shannon i found it funny when i was on 2010 some of the newer people at work around that time of course. They had said that I was trying to hard and sounded like it came from a place of insecurity to me, but thought it was interesting none the less. Haters gonna hate.

[Shannon]

Trying too hard is a sign of insecurity, but accusatively being told that is usually a sign of insecurity from the accuser. Haters gonna hate.

[Cortez]

And playa's gonna play. This time around on Alpha is gonna be much stronger. Whatever good results you got, it will be twice as good the second time around.

[woceyes]

@ Shannon that is why i thought it was funny. So for him to say that just gave me a big old smile.

@Cortez Can't wait its been so long since i did Alpha Male. This will be fun, I loved the Alpha set the first time around and i have cleared so much out of my head since then.

[RainbowAbyss]

Things should be pretty awesome the second time around
can't wait to hear about it..

[woceyes]

Thanks Rainbow. I wasn't trying to be defensive with you after sex magnet. What you had said to me back then. I knew it was true but didn't want to believe it. After all this time since sex magnet and now. I have figured out i don't just want sex, i want something more. So WM 2.0 will be my next one to get when i get five hundred dollars.

With that i did dig a lot deeper to find out why exactly after AM 2010. My thoughts and feelings and why I was apprehensive about moving out of my moms house or leaving. It has a lot to do with me being the middle child and only boy in the family for ever till my mom married my step dad ten years ago. I always felt left out and not as important as my sisters. So when my younger one moved out i had my chance as stupid as it sounds, to try to reclaim what i thought was never there. I realized that its not true, and I can't let that hold me back. I am still struggling with existential thoughts, to try to pick a career i would like and stick with it. I want to learn as much as i possibly can. I think what ultimately scares me though is being at a mundane job doing the same crap every day for the rest of my life.

I can feel the power Am 5.0 has I have been so tired this whole week. Also had some weird dreams but i like it. I have been in a "whatever" state these past months and my dreams have been rather bland till Am that is. Also not sure if all the programs or just sex magnet but i still have a lot of older women chasing me and trying to pounce me with there cougar skills. Maybe I flirt to much

[woceyes]

Im Almost done with stage 1 of Alpha and i hardly felt a thing resistance wise. The only thing i notice was my flirting and smart a** self really hard to control. Granted this is stage one of Alpha Male 5.0 so its only the beginning.

I do get this glimpse of what is holding me back, not sure if that is part of AM5.0 or me just understanding my self better. I will probably use the fear sub after AM5.0 in case I still hold myself back. Just like Shannon had told me once is that it i have some trust issues which makes a lot of sense on why i hardly divulge information about my self to people (not as bad after all my sub usage) or why i don't get to close to the women I get with. Hell even trusting Shannon on his subs took me a while.

I do feel more motivated to do something in my life. I just don't want a boring a** day where everything is the SSDD. The saying if you love your work then your not really working comes to mind.

Something I watched the other day inspired me even more it is a documentary on one of the best sushi restaurant in Japan called "Jiro dreams of Sushi" and Jiro said "Once you decide on your occupation... you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That's the secret of success... and is the key to being regarded honorably."

I wont lie it has been hard for me to chose an occupation i want to do. So i feel like im might be on track again to find something, or rather i have a direction now for something. just some thoughts i have had this month since starting Alpha Male 5.0

[Shannon]

Jiro said "Once you decide on your occupation... you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That's the secret of success... and is the key to being regarded honorably."

Jiro is a wise man.

[woceyes]

Jiro said "Once you decide on your occupation... you must immerse yourself in your work. You have to fall in love with your work. Never complain about your job. You must dedicate your life to mastering your skill. That's the secret of success... and is the key to being regarded honorably."

Jiro is a wise man.

i thought so as well. what he said stood out to me pretty strong and will more then likely stay with me for a long time lol.

[Shannon]

From what I understand, Jiro's statement is a cultural trusim for the Japanese. I admire that about them.

[woceyes]

@Shannon I admire them for that as well, I love to visit Japan one day.

I start stage 2 tonight i needed to add a few days do to power outages the first few nights in.

Also im not sure if it was just my dream i had yesterday (basically it was telling me how i always push people away when they get to close) or part of the first stage but i was in a no nonsense mood when i got to work and and seemed to blurt out all my feelings on things around the mill, i wasn't mad by any means more or less tired of the same old sh*** that is not getting fixed for the better. I was like an avalanche plowing through anything that got in my way. Maybe i let out some slack on my self or something?whatever On to stage 2

[woceyes]

i had a weird dream the other night the only thing i remember was I was trying to lure out a shark by jumping from pole to pole and then the shark would come and i was told to jump the shark... lol but i was to afraid to do it thinking i was going to be eaten or bit. Then I jumped it then right over it I woke up. of course it sounds like the idiom "jumping the shark"

I am thinking i know what it is geared towards but not 100 percent sure.
If i had to guess i would say making friends and to give up and let my old thought pattern towards people die, since like a tv show when you resort to stupid tactics to keep the show going might as well let it die.

The only reason i came up with this solution was because of a memory that i had not thought of forever came to my head which i think is another major cause towards me not being friendly with to many people. There was a reason i sealed it away in my head and forgot about it, because it was probably the most humiliating experience of my life.
Which i am pretty sure led me down the path of not wanting to show off how smart i actually am and not getting close to people. Anyways this is whats popped into my mind so far since starting stage 2. just a few more days then on to stage 3.

[woceyes]

something interesting is happening in my life not sure if its a bit of LOA and alpha male but the girl I talked about in my first Alpha male journal applied for a full job at my work in a different department. Remember she was on a program before to help her gain work skills, and we are not exactly hiring since we can not afford to many people.

She started today what do you guys think? is it the universe helping me understand/teach something or coincidence?

also i need to cut back on how long i listen to the sub as this set is making me have heavy fatigue its really working wonders on my brain but i hate waking up with a headache.

[Spiral]

There's no such thing as a coincidence. What stage are you on now?