02-09-2020, 06:33 PM
Yah. I now know where that's been coming from. I've been consistently getting either contradictory and/or unclear instructions, or instructions that are actually harmful, and then - when something wouldn't work the way it should - I'd get blamed that it's all my fault that something is wrong, clearly I am not following the instructions and am stupid. Whenever I'd ask a question, or suggest something myself, it'd be disregarded. And, on the off chance I'd start getting something to actually work the way it should, I'd get punished by being told it's all wrong and I'm crap, clearly I should be following learned instructions. This, in essence, was my ~8 years of receiving vocal instruction at a prestigious conservatory.
And some of these fucks did this on purpose. F. in. I have recently realized that that vocal coach woman was trying to confuse me on purpose because she noticed *I am doing way better when I practice by myself than when working with her*. Grrr. And also because I started figuring this shit out on my own (and, should this trend take on, she'd be out of a job and a source of egotic supply, lol) and was even (and still am) better able to put it into practice.
By the by, I can easily trace this back to a great many situations from my childhood where similar situations would occur. Ughhhh. And this is why shit like that sets me off so much, and puts me in a state of confused emotions, a mixture of sadness, rage and anger.
What have these people done to me?
It makes me feel as if I were insane at times, lol.
But, having realized that, I now feel a little bit better and more stable.
And some of these fucks did this on purpose. F. in. I have recently realized that that vocal coach woman was trying to confuse me on purpose because she noticed *I am doing way better when I practice by myself than when working with her*. Grrr. And also because I started figuring this shit out on my own (and, should this trend take on, she'd be out of a job and a source of egotic supply, lol) and was even (and still am) better able to put it into practice.
By the by, I can easily trace this back to a great many situations from my childhood where similar situations would occur. Ughhhh. And this is why shit like that sets me off so much, and puts me in a state of confused emotions, a mixture of sadness, rage and anger.
What have these people done to me?
It makes me feel as if I were insane at times, lol.But, having realized that, I now feel a little bit better and more stable.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
