01-22-2020, 07:41 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-22-2020, 08:25 AM by Have at ye.)
Ooooff. Had a rough day yesterday, hadn't had one of these in some time (pretty much since I started using the DRS, lol). In perspective, it wasn't as rough as it used to be sometimes, like f. in. on UMS when I was beginning to run it, but still. Had some pretty nihilistic ideas come up - kinda as if I had lost purpose, and having lost it (because I've come to the conclusion it's stupid 
) I was like, "now, what on earth am I supposed to do now?" and anything that would come up felt like "lol, that's pointless too, who cares". So pretty much the first day in a loooong time I stayed at home moping about, lol. Didn't do anything productive apart from energetic shenanigans and running the subs.
Still, there's a chance it was a resistance reaction to something in DMSI. I decided that it's time to lower the volume way back down (to -25dB as per foobar), it felt like something "to do", and some part of me did not like this, trying to goad me into "increase the volume RIGHT NOW", but I decided to stick to it. Experienced tons of "clearing" sensations, as if something emotionally big was "passing through", with moaning and everything at times (lol), and then I started getting thoughts related to something that's been a point of contention re: DMSI for some part of my subconscious for a pretty long time now (it'd come up in one way or another on pretty much every version since, I dunno, 2.5?), so maybe that was it.
Anyroad, felt way better in the morning, went to bardic practice, it was good.
I wish I had the facilities that would allow greater regularity for this, but I bet something'll come up sooner or later. Also, in yet another "back to high-school" twist, the woman who used to be my high-school principal (and taught me physics for a year), then switched to local politics and became the vice-mayor of my hometown, contacted me with an invitation to perform at my H-School's 75th anniversary at my hometown's philharmonic in September. It'd be a blast especially if they throw around enough potato to hire the philarmonic's orchestra, they're very good (I only sang there once, years ago, and never solo). Neat! I agreed.
Also had a wonky dream in the morning, very sexual in nature, and it featured quite a number of women I know personally, lol. It was sexy but wonky at the same time.
EDIT
My grammar's pretty terrible today, isn't it?
) I was like, "now, what on earth am I supposed to do now?" and anything that would come up felt like "lol, that's pointless too, who cares". So pretty much the first day in a loooong time I stayed at home moping about, lol. Didn't do anything productive apart from energetic shenanigans and running the subs.Still, there's a chance it was a resistance reaction to something in DMSI. I decided that it's time to lower the volume way back down (to -25dB as per foobar), it felt like something "to do", and some part of me did not like this, trying to goad me into "increase the volume RIGHT NOW", but I decided to stick to it. Experienced tons of "clearing" sensations, as if something emotionally big was "passing through", with moaning and everything at times (lol), and then I started getting thoughts related to something that's been a point of contention re: DMSI for some part of my subconscious for a pretty long time now (it'd come up in one way or another on pretty much every version since, I dunno, 2.5?), so maybe that was it.
Anyroad, felt way better in the morning, went to bardic practice, it was good.
I wish I had the facilities that would allow greater regularity for this, but I bet something'll come up sooner or later. Also, in yet another "back to high-school" twist, the woman who used to be my high-school principal (and taught me physics for a year), then switched to local politics and became the vice-mayor of my hometown, contacted me with an invitation to perform at my H-School's 75th anniversary at my hometown's philharmonic in September. It'd be a blast especially if they throw around enough potato to hire the philarmonic's orchestra, they're very good (I only sang there once, years ago, and never solo). Neat! I agreed.Also had a wonky dream in the morning, very sexual in nature, and it featured quite a number of women I know personally, lol. It was sexy but wonky at the same time.
EDIT
My grammar's pretty terrible today, isn't it?
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
