12-08-2019, 02:13 PM
(This post was last modified: 12-08-2019, 02:15 PM by Have at ye.)
Heh. So I chanced upon a youtube vid made by a proper, sweet and sexy "mommy" (she has sweet doe eyes 
) that actually would help to explain, in many ways, that entire "sweet little aristocrat" debacle and why I found her so attractive despite all my instincts saying "this is gonna be foxy psychotherapist all over again, *they're like friggin' clones, man!*", and me even consciously acting on what I've noticed to be very, very... off about that woman, and *still feeling attracted to her*, lol. And also why I'd get serious PTSD-like symptoms and paranoia when she'd start spinning, lol.
(I'm going to spare you my Freudo-Lacanian take on the matter... *this time*
)
(CatMan, if you're reading this, check out that girl's videos on complex PTSD as well. EDJUMACATE THYSELF! )
Also, I believe that was the main reason for my resistance to DMSIng and perhaps even FRMing in this particular case.
a) When I'm getting anxious/paranoid, I *know that's something's up and I've never been wrong yet*. It's a defence mechanism, and it has not failed me as of yet. Trouble is, it's a shitty way to live. I'm fully capable of discernment absent the paranoia, you know, seeing as *I actually did it* in this particular case, as well as several other cases in which I did not find the woman in question this attractive [EDIT: nor as effective an operator, lol] (where, granted, it was way easier to do).
b) DMSI (in the previous versions, at least, I'm not quite so sure about this one) is kinda primed at manifesting potential sexual partners that are, IIRC, going to "make you the most happy" by sexing them up, based on subconscious criteria. Trouble is - and I guess that's the crux of the issue - that what would make particular parts of my subconscious "the most happy" IS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA.
c) I guess that's why I'd get extremely sexually attractive obsessive types popping out of the woodwork periodically on the DMSIs. Trouble is, these types are also usually *the most direct and obvious* when they start hitting on you, because they're also usually extremely egocentric and can't take no for an answer. Also, in some cases, they're fucking relentless, man.
d) This resulted in a cycle of execution - WTF is this I don't even - retracting execution out of fear.
e) This can be changed, baby.
) that actually would help to explain, in many ways, that entire "sweet little aristocrat" debacle and why I found her so attractive despite all my instincts saying "this is gonna be foxy psychotherapist all over again, *they're like friggin' clones, man!*", and me even consciously acting on what I've noticed to be very, very... off about that woman, and *still feeling attracted to her*, lol. And also why I'd get serious PTSD-like symptoms and paranoia when she'd start spinning, lol.(I'm going to spare you my Freudo-Lacanian take on the matter... *this time*
)(CatMan, if you're reading this, check out that girl's videos on complex PTSD as well. EDJUMACATE THYSELF!
)Also, I believe that was the main reason for my resistance to DMSIng and perhaps even FRMing in this particular case.
a) When I'm getting anxious/paranoid, I *know that's something's up and I've never been wrong yet*. It's a defence mechanism, and it has not failed me as of yet. Trouble is, it's a shitty way to live. I'm fully capable of discernment absent the paranoia, you know, seeing as *I actually did it* in this particular case, as well as several other cases in which I did not find the woman in question this attractive [EDIT: nor as effective an operator, lol] (where, granted, it was way easier to do).
b) DMSI (in the previous versions, at least, I'm not quite so sure about this one) is kinda primed at manifesting potential sexual partners that are, IIRC, going to "make you the most happy" by sexing them up, based on subconscious criteria. Trouble is - and I guess that's the crux of the issue - that what would make particular parts of my subconscious "the most happy" IS A TERRIBLE FUCKING IDEA.
c) I guess that's why I'd get extremely sexually attractive obsessive types popping out of the woodwork periodically on the DMSIs. Trouble is, these types are also usually *the most direct and obvious* when they start hitting on you, because they're also usually extremely egocentric and can't take no for an answer. Also, in some cases, they're fucking relentless, man.
d) This resulted in a cycle of execution - WTF is this I don't even - retracting execution out of fear.
e) This can be changed, baby.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
