10-31-2019, 09:02 PM
Oookay. On the topic of "forgiveness" in a general sense: I've been attempting to be a total enlightened zen-meister and all, but now I've gotten to the point where it would appear that I'd have to forgive and let go of all the times people disrespected and/or demeaned me publicly, usually fellow males (but not always), simply to try to "one up" me or otherwise just get their hierarchical insecurities soothed, especially in professional settings. And some part of my subC literally went: "oh, man, do I really *have* to?" 
I mean, with a sweet and sexy woman I have feelings for this is for me a *relatively* straightforward matter. Heck, I'm not even angry at my ex anymore, which is like "whoa, that's some light-side Jedi Master level shit right there".
But, I guess I'm going to have to this at one point or another, things being what they are.
I'm kinda reminiscing about this guy who's been a terrible asshat towards me (and not just me) in first academic and then professional settings. I remember attending some dude's diploma recital back in May, I think, and he was in attendance. Now, I was sitting next to this sweet girl I've met at some party a short time beforehand, and she chatted me up and was like "Hey, remember that time we were laughing next to my washing mashine?" only she said "chichraliśmy" (i.e. "giggling" or somesuch) which kinda sounds like "ruchaliśmy" (i. e. "fucking"), so I went all "We did *what* next to your washing machine?" because I'm such a charmer. She went all "oh, ah, aah, *blush blush*" and we had a laugh.
Now I remember seeing that guy (he was in my field of vision), listening in to this, and his face literally *sank* in like, shame and sadness and unworthiness. I mean, in some way, it would imply he was being an asshole to me out of envy, right, but pretty much because in some ways he'd just *like to be more like me*; I won't go as far as to say "be me", but maybe that too.
So I guess I could construe all that crap I've been thrown at by people like this could be construed as... something of an extremely backhanded compliment, I guess? Huh.
I mean, with a sweet and sexy woman I have feelings for this is for me a *relatively* straightforward matter. Heck, I'm not even angry at my ex anymore, which is like "whoa, that's some light-side Jedi Master level shit right there".
But, I guess I'm going to have to this at one point or another, things being what they are.
I'm kinda reminiscing about this guy who's been a terrible asshat towards me (and not just me) in first academic and then professional settings. I remember attending some dude's diploma recital back in May, I think, and he was in attendance. Now, I was sitting next to this sweet girl I've met at some party a short time beforehand, and she chatted me up and was like "Hey, remember that time we were laughing next to my washing mashine?" only she said "chichraliśmy" (i.e. "giggling" or somesuch) which kinda sounds like "ruchaliśmy" (i. e. "fucking"), so I went all "We did *what* next to your washing machine?" because I'm such a charmer. She went all "oh, ah, aah, *blush blush*" and we had a laugh.
Now I remember seeing that guy (he was in my field of vision), listening in to this, and his face literally *sank* in like, shame and sadness and unworthiness. I mean, in some way, it would imply he was being an asshole to me out of envy, right, but pretty much because in some ways he'd just *like to be more like me*; I won't go as far as to say "be me", but maybe that too.
So I guess I could construe all that crap I've been thrown at by people like this could be construed as... something of an extremely backhanded compliment, I guess? Huh.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
