I don't know if this is related to OGSF, but I have a feeling that it is.
A guy I was friends with at school as a kid, and then in my 20's he worked as a barman where I did security and we would mostly go out to clubs and such in other towns.. messaged me last night.
I haven't seen him for probably 10 years or more, no contact though of course I haven't messaged either so it seems very unusual he would suddenly message me, I assume he's in town as his parents and brother live here and wants to catch up, as he doesn't live here anymore.
If it was from OGSF then it would make sense that it's possibly partly working on something from the past, and also self-esteem stuff for the next reason.
This guy was heavily into drinking and hard drugs. I think it was him in that he knew I hated drugs so purposely was doing them in my car when I was inside somewhere, kind of like a disrespectful "up yours" thing. It could have been another guy, but I remember something from this guy.
Still almost all of his pictures i've seen on facebook are him out drinking, though I guess I have no photos at all of myself on facebook doing anything.. but you know it matches how he used to be anyway.
So where the self-esteem thing comes in is that I was thinking about if I should reply. Initially I was going to, then I started thinking "is this guy of value in my life?" and "if I caught up with him then would it actually add anything to my life?" (especially if he's still heavily into drinking and drugs).
And the answer is no.
But.. I feel guilty about not replying. Which you know sounds like it might have something to do with OGSF working on something.
Then there's also a fear that if I go somewhere and see him and he's like "why didn't you reply to my message?" and not wanting the conflict or disapproval so thinking maybe I should reply just because of that, which isn't the start of a great rekindling of a friendship even without the other stuff. The answer i'd like to give if that happened would be "Because i'm not into drinking and drugs" but I really don't think I could say that and it fills me with fear thinking of even actually expressing it, and it feels much better to just not reply and not invite it into my life at all.
Despite that the stronger feeling is guiding me to "no, don't reply, I don't want this kind of shit in my life".
A guy I was friends with at school as a kid, and then in my 20's he worked as a barman where I did security and we would mostly go out to clubs and such in other towns.. messaged me last night.
I haven't seen him for probably 10 years or more, no contact though of course I haven't messaged either so it seems very unusual he would suddenly message me, I assume he's in town as his parents and brother live here and wants to catch up, as he doesn't live here anymore.
If it was from OGSF then it would make sense that it's possibly partly working on something from the past, and also self-esteem stuff for the next reason.
This guy was heavily into drinking and hard drugs. I think it was him in that he knew I hated drugs so purposely was doing them in my car when I was inside somewhere, kind of like a disrespectful "up yours" thing. It could have been another guy, but I remember something from this guy.
Still almost all of his pictures i've seen on facebook are him out drinking, though I guess I have no photos at all of myself on facebook doing anything.. but you know it matches how he used to be anyway.
So where the self-esteem thing comes in is that I was thinking about if I should reply. Initially I was going to, then I started thinking "is this guy of value in my life?" and "if I caught up with him then would it actually add anything to my life?" (especially if he's still heavily into drinking and drugs).
And the answer is no.
But.. I feel guilty about not replying. Which you know sounds like it might have something to do with OGSF working on something.
Then there's also a fear that if I go somewhere and see him and he's like "why didn't you reply to my message?" and not wanting the conflict or disapproval so thinking maybe I should reply just because of that, which isn't the start of a great rekindling of a friendship even without the other stuff. The answer i'd like to give if that happened would be "Because i'm not into drinking and drugs" but I really don't think I could say that and it fills me with fear thinking of even actually expressing it, and it feels much better to just not reply and not invite it into my life at all.
Despite that the stronger feeling is guiding me to "no, don't reply, I don't want this kind of shit in my life".
