01-28-2019, 03:56 PM
Something I didn't think of. While I was in dallas for 11 days I had to run this sub from my phone. Now I don't know how I respond to the quality of the speakers on my phone as well as the lack of stereo, but maybe that's what caused the hiccup for my overall mood. It feels like since I've been listening on my normal speakers I've sort of stabilized. But who knows, I was also going through a very stressful period.
Speaking of, I keep having bad dreams about something that went horribly wrong while I was in Dallas. It's like all that anticipation and fear that I had prior to the event is still lingering. Haven't been sleeping well lately. I keep waking up early and then going back to sleep, but it's only like an hour or 30 minutes before my alarm and I get ripped out of a deep sleep. I don't know why this keeps happening.
I was also thinking about my desire to run Am6 and how I wanted to completely change myself. I think it came from a lot of frustration and the wrong mentality of throwing out the core of who I am in favor of some kind of caricature that would give me approval from other people. Not that Am6 does that, but I wouldn't be surprised if this was resistance. Like the DMSI moving onto a older version or different sub tactic. I'd say for most of my life I've always felt like there is something wrong with me, that I'm somehow flawed, but all the growth I've had made me realize it was just people who didn't understand. So this underlying pressure to be someone other than myself has been a thorn in my side for years. I'm hoping LTU can finally squash that.
Speaking of, I keep having bad dreams about something that went horribly wrong while I was in Dallas. It's like all that anticipation and fear that I had prior to the event is still lingering. Haven't been sleeping well lately. I keep waking up early and then going back to sleep, but it's only like an hour or 30 minutes before my alarm and I get ripped out of a deep sleep. I don't know why this keeps happening.
I was also thinking about my desire to run Am6 and how I wanted to completely change myself. I think it came from a lot of frustration and the wrong mentality of throwing out the core of who I am in favor of some kind of caricature that would give me approval from other people. Not that Am6 does that, but I wouldn't be surprised if this was resistance. Like the DMSI moving onto a older version or different sub tactic. I'd say for most of my life I've always felt like there is something wrong with me, that I'm somehow flawed, but all the growth I've had made me realize it was just people who didn't understand. So this underlying pressure to be someone other than myself has been a thorn in my side for years. I'm hoping LTU can finally squash that.
INFP
