USLM3- The Journey to Success

[mat422]

You seem to keep struggling with how you're "supposed" to be living and how you want to be living. Where did you get all your ideas about "supposed?" It can't be something you don't have a deep emotional investment in, because that's where you seem to be struggling. Parents? Siblings? Close friends?

I pretty much know where it comes from. It's almost entirely my Dad. I've been trying to shake it for years, but he very much conditioned me to be afraid of deviating from well worn paths in life. He never pressured me to succeed or anything like that, he's just always been a very anxious person. Probably has something to do with growing up in the South Bronx. He didn't exactly grow up in the safest neighborhood. So even when I was born in a safe area, he always made it seem like danger was right around the corner. On one hand he taught me to be more perceptive and on the other he pretty much instilled paranoia in me. But the shit he's been through in life makes my struggle seem more like a privilege in comparison.

Coming from bad financial situations, he's also of the mentality that you find a company and they essentially take care of you for the rest of your life. Obviously that's a bunch of bullshit nowadays, there's very little company loyalty. But basically that's what I was raised to believe and it pretty much flies in the face of what's really out there.

I guess when it comes down to it, survival or life was framed in a very scary uncertain manner. In contrast to some people who grow up surrounded by puppies and unicorns.