11-16-2018, 03:19 PM
Gonna try to condense a feeling I've been having without having it turn into a rant.
So basically I've come to realize there are layers of fear. For me at least there's the big fear. That's the one that says no to major life changes, drastically different situations, alterations to what I've come to understand as my "personality". and anything else that isn't the familiar and comfortable. Then there's the "watchguard" fear. This level of fear is dedicated exclusively to cancelling out anything that could result in dismantling the big fear. This is why affirmations never worked for me, why when I first started subliminals I had a vague feeling of it being "wrong", why goals go the route of "maybe it's better if I didn't", why I numbed myself for years, why I just took the path of least resistance, etc. You get the picture.
The anger I've been experiencing at my situation was on that watchguard level. That subtle discontent with life, blaming unhappiness on situations around me when really I put myself into these situations. And I have the choice to change them. But deep at that core, the big fear, the one that doesn't want major changes it signals to the watchguard. The watchguard distracts me with nitpicky details, how bad the week was, how I'm tired, how I don't get paid enough, how I'm not as independent as I'd like, how I feel like there's too much work to do that I don't want to do, etc. Instead of being focused on how to get out of this, I'm hyperfocused on what it is. And as long as I'm distracted by it, I lose sight of the real goals. The ones that are so terrifying to that deeper part, that it would rather distract me with the negatives of my current situation in an effort to get me to forget what I really want.
So what I'm learning here, people vastly oversimplify what fear is. How it interacts within the mind of individuals and the degree to which you can override it with willpower only. It's crazy stuff. I do my best to explain how the sub interacts within my own mind. But essentially I think with this new level of the FRM, we're getting access to knowledge that nobody else has thought of. To put it in more simple terms.
Imagine a puzzle. You're given this thing to solve. You bang your head against the wall, use as much available knowledge as possible from known sources and your own. But nothing seems to be working. Then you realize a piece was missing, the piece unlocks the real puzzle. The actual solvable one. The short of it is, you can't solve a puzzle if you're not even working at a level of having it solvable.
So basically I've come to realize there are layers of fear. For me at least there's the big fear. That's the one that says no to major life changes, drastically different situations, alterations to what I've come to understand as my "personality". and anything else that isn't the familiar and comfortable. Then there's the "watchguard" fear. This level of fear is dedicated exclusively to cancelling out anything that could result in dismantling the big fear. This is why affirmations never worked for me, why when I first started subliminals I had a vague feeling of it being "wrong", why goals go the route of "maybe it's better if I didn't", why I numbed myself for years, why I just took the path of least resistance, etc. You get the picture.
The anger I've been experiencing at my situation was on that watchguard level. That subtle discontent with life, blaming unhappiness on situations around me when really I put myself into these situations. And I have the choice to change them. But deep at that core, the big fear, the one that doesn't want major changes it signals to the watchguard. The watchguard distracts me with nitpicky details, how bad the week was, how I'm tired, how I don't get paid enough, how I'm not as independent as I'd like, how I feel like there's too much work to do that I don't want to do, etc. Instead of being focused on how to get out of this, I'm hyperfocused on what it is. And as long as I'm distracted by it, I lose sight of the real goals. The ones that are so terrifying to that deeper part, that it would rather distract me with the negatives of my current situation in an effort to get me to forget what I really want.
So what I'm learning here, people vastly oversimplify what fear is. How it interacts within the mind of individuals and the degree to which you can override it with willpower only. It's crazy stuff. I do my best to explain how the sub interacts within my own mind. But essentially I think with this new level of the FRM, we're getting access to knowledge that nobody else has thought of. To put it in more simple terms.
Imagine a puzzle. You're given this thing to solve. You bang your head against the wall, use as much available knowledge as possible from known sources and your own. But nothing seems to be working. Then you realize a piece was missing, the piece unlocks the real puzzle. The actual solvable one. The short of it is, you can't solve a puzzle if you're not even working at a level of having it solvable.
INFP
