I am painfully trying to "blend in", to hide me from what is true.....that's not happening, within the last 15 minutes. I am going to just write.
About 2 hours ago, I was asked by a coworker if I wanted to go home at the end of our shift or if I wanted to stay longer. I was unusually honest with him and myself, and said I was resisting some changes, but I needed to go home. That's all I said, and I'm unsure even if he was listening. USLM is doing.........something. I don't have clear understanding now, as this is happening emotionally.
I came home, turned on ARA at first to destress (last time was 30 days ago or so), but within 5 minutes I shut it down and turned on USLM.
I am seeing (in my mind) something come out of me, like I'm spitting out something foreign and black. And it's not a substance, it's something living. It's the lie I've been living. I've lived this lie called "me".
That's why I'm different right now. I'm unsure who I am right now. I've been grappling for attachments to my past all day in my mind, but everything seems to be changing. Nothing dramatic happened at work, mind you. I just have needed to feel freedom today. I've not had words for it; it was just a feeling.
As I almost stopped writing, my survival mindset instantly began looking for old comforts, old pieces of me.
I have no understanding for this. It's not dangerous, but very new.
About 2 hours ago, I was asked by a coworker if I wanted to go home at the end of our shift or if I wanted to stay longer. I was unusually honest with him and myself, and said I was resisting some changes, but I needed to go home. That's all I said, and I'm unsure even if he was listening. USLM is doing.........something. I don't have clear understanding now, as this is happening emotionally.
I came home, turned on ARA at first to destress (last time was 30 days ago or so), but within 5 minutes I shut it down and turned on USLM.
I am seeing (in my mind) something come out of me, like I'm spitting out something foreign and black. And it's not a substance, it's something living. It's the lie I've been living. I've lived this lie called "me".
That's why I'm different right now. I'm unsure who I am right now. I've been grappling for attachments to my past all day in my mind, but everything seems to be changing. Nothing dramatic happened at work, mind you. I just have needed to feel freedom today. I've not had words for it; it was just a feeling.
As I almost stopped writing, my survival mindset instantly began looking for old comforts, old pieces of me.
I have no understanding for this. It's not dangerous, but very new.
I want to be FREE!
