11-27-2018, 02:12 AM
(11-26-2018, 08:08 AM)Shannon Wrote: So would you say that caffeine is helping your fearful side derail the state shifting in USLM3?
Caffeine definitely derails progress with subs. More specifically, it holds up emotional movements and changes, keeping me where I'm at. When I change emotionally, I have changed.
I took a shower this morning, haven't had coffee yet, and I listened to USLM last night. I woke up feeling like I'm about to jump into an exciting adventure, and I'm noticing my subc mind being wary. I even allowed some sadness while showering, having flashbacks of being in high school, with all the "opportunities" available.......and I hid. The opportunities were so real to me, yet my training had been to avoid all danger (training by mom). Being numb was what was "caught". I must be processing something.
I think yesterday afternoon happened since I'd not had coffee in about 12 hours, and my emotional side came forward. But even now I am thinking differently. The FRM is working.
I had a memory pop up seconds ago regarding caffeine use, which I've not had in about a month. I'll take a container of coffee with me to work most days since when I'm not caffeinated (pre-work), I'll daydream, imagine, and feel my feelings. Having it at home seemed abusive to myself, knowing I squelch the biggest parts of me with it. I've felt sad right before drinking it, knowing this.
Thoughts are coming forward now. Not all literal. I've had fear of abusing myself mix with the excitement of achieving something important to me, and for a very long time, I've..........made success a bad thing. Like I've thought my father was only successful since he knew how to drink and socialize with bigwigs. He then came home and abused my mom.
Maybe the FRM dug this up. I've thought this before, but my logic was "if I'm successful, I need to abuse myself, and maybe my family".
It's also fear strutting its stuff, thinking it's won. This isn't over.
I want to be FREE!
