USLM V3 Journal

[findingme]

I'm on my 2nd day of my break. I was concerned this morning before seeing my daughter, not knowing how I'd be. No bombs dropped, nothing bad really. It wasn't until we parted that I went "in my head". I felt moody, seeking some isolation from the game called socializing, as I noticed subtle fears rising today, mostly since being with people in need long-term tires me out. I didn't act badly with my daughter, but I did share with her I was nervous going to my mom's today. An OCD person managing socializing? I'd tap out were I not the only one who'll be joining her for Thanksgiving.

I feel some fear. Anger comes in a close 2nd, me not liking the BS put on in my mother's house. How can I deal with this?

Be a little distant.
Steer away from her complaining about her daughter's fiasco.
Walk out of the room.

I'm just scared since I've tucked me away time and time again when she bemoans her self-inflicted chaos.

I'm seeing a pattern in my own thinking now. This is her normal. I can't live in her helpless victim mindset. I'm realizing this has been the family foundation, the message displayed anytime life disasters happen. I also realize I'm simultaneously trying to shoo my own feelings away so she won't feel abandoned. But, she is an adult who is responsible for her own emotions.

My own feelings are all I can handle. I'm heading out soon, but wished to not isolate myself in my internal clash.

And....this is my 2nd day break of USLM. I have strength for today.