UMS $$$

[Kol]

"Going beyond the womb" was slight thinking bout that and now all kind of stuff lights up. Feels the deeper it goes/further back, the more profound.

Still goin strong with blooming. Seeing limitations even more through critical questioning. Its like all is targeted for UMS. good stuff.

Also, im coming to terms to skillset tgat I can make x amount over and over and over again ad infinitum. I see the fears for what it is, able to put it on the spot. Its like UMS is acting like a contrast to identify, expose and let go.

[Kol]

Running 2 loops tonight. ( end 3rd day bloom ) a ton is happening underneath the hood. Loads of processing this bloomphase. we'll see. Might be not running loops at all.

Had tons of trauma release this bloom. I really liked it. I understand frm also better now and the relief aid in it. I even watched some videos that made shed tears and I basked in it. E3 became very "soft" to me. Comforting.

Im also theorizing that there is some sort extention going on while im turned inward. Like it governs and I can kick back a bit. One that handles social life aswell as how im being perceived. Somultaneously it like I can ease in E3 and FRM while changes are made. Could be shield (NDRS) related. Oh well.

Also, im gonna ease on the loops and be more gentle and having more fun with it. Ride the wave, trust the subconscious.

[Kol]

Feelin somewhat peacefull.all is good. Chilling seems to up the effects. Im experiencing mindfog, yet, its just there not affecting my mood at all. Its just there.

Last couple of days sexual energy and finances tend to "be alike" now, I broke nofap streak today, which adds to the brainfog, yet its like a bump in the road mere inconvenience. "It happened yet doesnt matter" due to the pattern, its my strong suspicion its fear. I feel nothing right now like it never happened.

This peace of "everything is handled" is pretty neat.

Im getting discounts. I got points I can spend yet forgot it and didnt care. Now, the guy from my gym, is someone I am on good terms with, yet he insisted on it. He said "no, it IS a big deal" okay lol. Also, I seem to have been paid less for my vape liquid.

Running loops right now. 2 loops didnt felt satisfying.

[Kol]

I literally feel fears are being removed, clouds parting and going away. Light feeling like floating/walking on air.

"I am prepared" yet its just unfolding. Rolling with it.

Time investing/spending and policing it for maximal impact. Its okay to removing people due to growth. Still something to improve for better impact and life tune up ( couldnt help it lol ) its like sky is the limit.

Internal issues like confidence, excuses and limiting beliefs are being dealt with. Self esteem and exposing bs like its smoke. Truly calling it "ridiculous" and see the mere lack of sense making in it. I mean, the excuses around, for example, eye contact. Disconnect and dissolve, increase in powering simultaneously. Its something dissolves and something else rises along with it.

[Kol]

Loops done. Time to bloom. Lets see what will happen. The sub is directly going at it already.

Edit: im re-connecting ( or communication was otherwise ) to 'older' practices. Writin about it would breach rule 4.

This is gonna be a ride. The sign are there. Lets go.

[Kol]

I want to be free. Blooming day 1, ran 3 loops overnight.

Anyway, revisiting hank moody stuff, and going through it lol. I want to be free, all is well. On the wavelength of "adventure"

Im so done. Lol.



Started the smolov jr bench program. Have ran it before and strength went up like a mofo.

I notice tension in my body, constriction. Tons of bs is exposed, tons of fears are let go. Last night as I dozed off before bed, I heard the chatter in my mind, tons of processing went on. Im actually pretty fed up now, aswell as part of me are. They are like "come on!" They know. They even are getting fed up as they know.

Also, "get rich now!" The rest doesnt matter. Bs excuses and delay. There is nothing stopping me when being honest. Just social programming, reasons of delay and what not. Break those shackles. Before I came across a message that reflected this, my initial response was not vibing, only to come to tge conclusion that "getting rich now" is something that IS a reality.

Also, fuck working for free. Pay yourself, you deserve it. They dont give a fuck. Get on track boi. Give yourself a raise. All shit is removed by ums. Ive been thinling what Shannon wrote some time ago "UMS will replace all with succes programming" or something along those lines. I got it confirmed myself, which gives me some peace of mind and im sure bout that.

I also realized how much bs victim mentality is. Insidious poison. Cant pinpoint when that shit started, but damn, that aint me at all.

[Kol]

Tf is even happening. Watching that hank moody vid and im feeling terror. Views on women are changing. I mean, enjoying women is great, but damn, ngl, part of me see them as evil or some shit. Also this gives me oppurtunity to dive in. Fuck externals

All might lead to effortlessness but first lemme deal with this right now in my face comin up. Its time to just go in. Shits been running long enough. Responsibility even if it hurts. Its due time. This oppurtunity right now to be seized. Enough about it.

Oh yeah, im realizing guilt around anger today. Stop feeling guilty. Anger has its place.

[Kol]

Halfway through the day I felt weak. Like no energy in my muscles or anything, just feeling less mobile support. Guess the sub is stillmaking changes.

Ums seems to accelerate this bloom. Going in overdrive and ums is a given. Boredom seems to indicate change, like pre-shift to make ums reality

Was thinking about getting to 2 dogs, had also the thought of adopting 2 bengal cats and getting a mclaren for the fuck of it and pimp it out in roi, yet now it all seems destraction.

Ums pure money making, thats it. Straight lane.

[Kol]

Followed urges, running 6 loops this night, first loop plays atm

Having random feelings to run am6 stage 7 refresher. Some really fond memories of am6 itself, considering it my flagship of self improvement and personal investment.

Then again, its a step back in tech ( 5g) + it might be an escape tactic. I see elements of am6 back in ums and (re) visiting some similar subjects, such as dominance, leadership, assertiveness, boundaries, selfesteem, alpha core stuff, like masculine core, acting from within.

It might be a response due a perceived loss atm aswell due to FRM and E3 creating changes and impact.

Also, my phone keeps doing fucked up shit which fucks with my loops. Cleaned it up, but these updates are insane lately, and pretty much over the top constant.

[Kol]

So, im blooming again and the consideration to jump am6 refresher is pretty much present. After seeing what happened yesterday, its time to shutdown bs down real fast. If you are new and think you can start "jokkng" like we are best buddies, you are in for a nightmare and ill rip you a new one.

Yeah, my boundaries were pretty much absent. Helpless, needy stuff, total off guard and anything. Reminded me of my pre-sub cptsd high times. I know the solution yet fear was present.

Its one off the things that made me consider running ums. Financial freedom, fuck you money and being free of societies slave programming. To associate with whom I want, having successfull people and associates yet also being able to be alone. To do whst I want, having always money wherever I go, whenever I go and free to spend on what, how and why aswell as when I want. To be done with the ratrace bs.

My mind, as soon as this disrespect started due my low boundaries, shortcircuited that real quick. Ultimatum. There is no otherway around then to show them "listen buddy, you fuck up, I wont put up with you shit, you new, now stfu" im the king here, not you, capiche?

Also, in ways im filtering even stronger. People I been friends with, I feel a sort of ubfulfillment + im annoyed at some bs beliefs around money being spewed. It actually makes me aware of some simmering anger. Im really done with all kinda dynamics aswell. Like some frames of character. Tons is stripping away and there are moments im feeling omnipotent, omnipresent etc. In these moments my influence feels massively, its a whole other game being played.

Im done with dumbfucks that hate on rich people and whine its not fair. That surely will pay the bills eh ? :rollseyes: not to say, its povery enforcing woe is me. Play high game bro. Also, programming around "liking people" is breaking down. I actually dont like many people at all now i realize that. Living mediocre stupid lives. Its fine to fire people out of your life, to not like people and becreal and authentic. Its a sort of contrasting experiences serving self-defining.

[Kol]

Nvm

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[Kol]

Went to get a haircut yesterday and as I was waiting, I was thinking "bless those 9-5 people" its true tho, they keep things running. Even if im not liking 9-5 to begin with, their service deliverance hit my appreciation like a ton of bricks. Something that came out of tge blue.

Now, went to get some food today also. As this young Asian girl came to my table after I confirmed her call for the food, she acted very, well, proper, I think? It was some sort of politeness. Submissive, feminine. I said thank you by smiling and handling it in a way that I would say was appreciative and chill. She bend over, with her nice round glasses, and gazed in my eyes, till the point I asked myself " what is going on?" The window gave that much oppurtunity and the reaction of her was out of place. Something I could see happen in a DMSI frame. Oh well.

Ive ran 7 loops last night. 8 loops the night before. So it might be that. I notice that im naturally social overt now, engage with ease and flowing with it, while having a strong charisma involved in it. I just roll.

Also, im getting better service, better engagement with people. Even if im spacy, it seems to be separate from what is happening, like "spacy within, great service externally"

There might be a lesson here. Insight

Alright, so a quick edit to all of this;
Im getting more money in. Money that was laying around yet I didnt know was. So, doing that gets me more money in.
What I do notice also, is an lingering fear. Like, loss of control thingy. My income of money is higher, yet im feeling more of an drive to spend it, to keep the position safe. Spending out of stimulance? Boredom? Getting food, and yet its like "I knew it" and I aint satisfied. The spending makes me even more depressed. Trauma.

I wonder what im seeking.

[Kol]

Day 3 bloom

Going through TONS. I arrived at the stage of acceptance and coming to terms with lots. I might take a while.

Anyway,
Started 5 loops up and wondering if it is enough. Also the world is open.

Phonecalls today went effortless. My body looks pretty good. Sharp, defined. Socialwise im really easy connecting and have this natural extrovertedness to me. I asked myself "why wouldnt I be good enough, is external validation so much better in comparison to me?" The answer is no. My self valueing and giving is great.

I reached out to people which I never do in rough times, had some good convo's today. Healing.

For all I know things are smoothening out due to ums and tons fears are being brought up.

Habits are brought up right in front of me, having oppurtunity to change. I come to realize that it is not money, but habis. And habits can generate a shitton of money, wealth, resources. I am able to make a fuckton of money. A usefull mindset to have. Intention matters. Means walls a being broken. Agression rises as a freeup result prolly, an new unashamed vulnerability. Realness. Just like today when I felt hella clean and smooth, like cleaned up.

[Kol]

Validate, validate, validate. Communicate, empathize and love all parts. "We're getting through this"

Trauma healing. Accepting progress and its pace. No rush. Or rather no pressure. Being understanding. Self validation and selflove. Its a thing. And communicating with parts is important. Like im taking up a caretaking role now. This stuff is willlld.

I believe FRM ARA and E3 are working wonders on all this processing.

So thank you for that Shannon

Also, coming to money conclusions, such as what money means followed by positive associations and what it actually means. Ums mindset.
Financial gap is closed. Its simply a to b. Straight line. My attitude alligns with it. Im becoming more straight forward.