UMS $$$

[Kol]

Gonna switch formats. Ran 3 loops masked last night instead of hybrid.

Edit: the changes seem to be way more smoith. Guess hybrid was to much. Its similar to am6 regarding response.

[Kol]

Interesting seeing how im handling this all.

Taking the lead, responsibility, alphaaf check
Socializing freely, with distance of course. Idgaf anymore. Full self validation
Called my parents which I barely do, to get an update.
I love to care. Its like im broughtback to life. Massively.

Its like no time for any bs at all.full autopilot, knowing what to do, lead, building raport, generating leads. Its like a total wake up call. Full mission and purpose driven. Phonecalls are made instantly. Priorities.

My financial mindset and approach blossoms. It flourishes. I have no problem taking up tasks. My mind seems quiet, my focus optimal and running. Full on direction.

Still, the current wave thats going on worldwide has me worried. Im not afraid to admit.

I live and thrive like there is no tomorrow. Day 2 bloom.

at times there us this sense of being bigger then life, life flowing through me, for me. Im more open to other feedback. I also feel like being the centre as if I am some sort of king on this planet with a certain sense of status, vibe. Im highly approachable as people hook themselves up with me. Could be the quarantine, seems like it. People want to vent and socialize. Its innate to them.

Anyway, im taking responsibility like a leader and a man. Though times asks for alpha males, so here I am doing that job. It has to be done.

[Kol]

Ums is definitely something in times like this. Im shocked by its potential and how hard my mind fires on all cilinders.

[Kol]

Bloom day 1

I feel more and more dissatisfaction, and "resentment" towards passive patterns. Why am I doing that while I know my skills, knowing money can be easily made through a fuck all attitude. I got nothing to lose. Is it selfvalidation? Selflove? I feel im to intellectual, like it stands in my way. Maybe im trying to find a balance, probably its just fear which im willingly to investigate. I wonder what fears are playing under the hood. It sure fucks me over in some way and im at the point of giving those up. To much fizzling out in attitude and responsibility and leadership. Leading myself that is, fully embracing and expressing inner resources. Bringing this up makes me slightly depressed.

Sometimes, with dealing and having ums on board, I still feel a sense of wasting time and just getting with it, while not feeling the drive and energy. Selfattack is never good and not solution thinking based but I want to just throw all out and just go. It aint that difficult. I dont want to wait any lomger and it kills me.

Now, as I ran 7 loops last night in wondering if I should run it again. It might get me out of this slow process and accelerate things. I have lotsa visions, ideas and what not, yet im wondering whats stopping me? Thriving is great and life is to be lived, and money can be a by-effect on that, which my mind is occupied with.

Its such a mindfuck. A clusterfuck.

This resentment hopefully means the end of bs and living and awesome life. I feel my energy signature change now.

Oh, as I was having insights, shame came up. Around mind investment and standing out. Ums truly brings me on the leading edge with full flow capability.

[Kol]

Yeah, seems I work through stuff. Im detaching and seeing it for what it is, let go.

My focus is super concetrated and laser sharp. Bs is thrown aside, finding joy in it, euphoria and production. Just focus, yet unwavering and ignoring the whole covid thing. Its nice to be unfazed and being with what matters. Im still adhering to the protocols, im having more control and allignment with my focus.

[Kol]

Setting my goal right now for tomorrow.

Reading warren buffet material.
Watching podcast regarding mindset ( have some ideas which ones to watch, couplr coming to mind now aswell )
Getting physical activity by putting aside time.

Visionboard. Journalling. Writing down wants, desires, creating clarity. I know what I want in terms of "things" but also want the financial independence and outcome independence. I want to truly thrive, having fun, being creative, running on all cilinders. If needed, im defying the odds. Certain vocabulairy doesnt even exist anymore, which is an improvement. I really want to take this all to a level of lifestyle, of being. So I can do it over and over again. To become that. To become ums and having all replaced with success programming and having it damn clear in my mind. Fuck excuses. No more. I want to be free from it and be who I want to be. To live this lifestyle of abubdance, investing and being sharp. Creativity is a key player to me. 10x what currently is. Im also seeing the destinction with "low vibrational energy" right now. What it is and does.

These times call for take a new look on my money habits and behaviours. I really want this down and automatized/ingrained. I want to have a more clear overview in general.

Running loop 1 out of 5 now. I had this nudge of running loops, so here it is.

[Kol]

Ran 5 loops overnight, running ultrasonic as we speak.

I dont know what to feel, how to feel or what im experiencing. Its a weird mix of confusion regarding direction and what to do. Its as if Im standing with my back against the wall and internally things go haywire. Perhaps an untanglement or something going on.

Today im also reflecting on death. Sense of self importance and all of this reflected in the grand scheme of things. In the grand cosmic scheme, imvway less important, which is fine, as it releases pressure. Similar to death meditation "imagine you are dead" and what it means for limiting beliefs. They dont serve anything when you are dead, because, well, you are dead.

Im no stranger to being "harsh" on myself. It seems to kill my creative juices, thus approaching it in the light of "its just a hobby" gets the brakes off.

Im hard on myself out of frustration. Already feel the urge to delete this post again. Im hard on myself because ive seen the easiness of making money, yet aint doing as much as I could, and thus feel that im sabotaging my life on hold.

What is the ouweighing benefit thats underneath, that creates this? There has to be something, that remains still more rewarding while knowing this aint leading anywhere.

Enough. I know I have healing to do. I hope UMS breaks the paradigm tbh.

[Kol]

Since running UMS, lately im having an idea of what car, what house, home decoration for the fuck of it and am enjoying it. I really dig it. It makes my heart sing and already am living it so to say.

Think it comes down to traits, personality and the such.

Im also having the impulse to just go shop online for random shit. Not out of boredom, but out of fun and being blessed. As I see this, this can be turned in ROI. fun seems such a key element as it checkmates bs.

The momentum gets going and going. Like Keith once wrote in his journal, lets the money come. Its already there/here. Knowing instead of strifing and pushing for clout. Wonder if that is why I feel destabilized at times, like with my back against the wall, being harsh on myself. Affirming lack. Its vs. Just live it. I want the breakthrough and getting done with it.

This last stuff all feels slightly negative?

Sometimes I just want to be dropped in the lifestyle and gettin over with it, because I KNOW it is possible and already is on a level. Also having this vision experience as of now. It aint stoppin there tho.

Also, gettin back in tune with fun, freedom and outcome independence. Random shit. Its fun and expression back up with an willing to break out character. Getting the creative juices and fun flowing from a place of knowing. Wealth doesnt have to be harsh. Just let wealth and richess flow.

FRM comes in handy here and am aware of it by my former post, it has it riddled all over. So many life areas are similar at this point.

[Kol]

I have a overal distaste for "parameters" and conditions. Not sure why. It rubs me the wrong way. Stale. Ugh. Mindset, attitude, "wealthy people do xyz" that kinda stuff. It comes across as generic. Maybe its resistance, idk, its not so subtle anymore, like UMS is a whole other beast and path to walk. Maybe im just craving life authenticly and without baggage.

Got a quick thought, maybe im underestimating myself.

[Kol]

Running ultrasonic atm and feel no resistance whatsoever. FRM seems to work pretty nicely.

Also, everything is starting to feel like monopoly. This is something thats going on for some time now. Its like everything is equally possible. Im ready to receive. To move in, to secure the bag. I know what I want to have my life look like. Now I want to integrate the drive and to make it my own, my nature.

I do miss somewhat more mundane things. Like living "normally" in a sense. Would be nice in a way to not have to deal with all the crap and distractions and just execute. Then again, everyone deals with shit, yet I aint doing excuses.

I just need to get over it and start making content. Covid is perfect for this right now. Otherwise aswell. Drop conditions. Ive done it before yet didnt pull through, so why not pick up, start, and go with it. Inspiration follows. Its nothing different then other habits. Having fun with it and actually enjoying it, which is the fucking point. Getting over fear, judgment and false embarrasment, cuz who gives a shit. This can get me further in life and I can calibrate. Fuck what everyone thinks and putting myself out there. I mean, look at Swaggersouls lmao.

Im also writing out whats needed. What channels and platforms. Its 2020 and social media aswell as platforms are exploding and "the new media". It also is right in my interest pool. Leaveraging media and internet platforms. Next up laptop and setup shopping.

Covid aint an excuse. My attitude and frame of aporoach can be flipped. High loops do put me in limbo sometimes due its impact and healing.

#putinthework

Edit1: whats also interesting, is, I want to get a new haircut. My haircolor is brown, yet I want to go blond. It shows me new freedom levels. Im also eying up DRS for reasons and DRS would be a great asset. Another is sex. Its more on the forefront, could SDM TID, but my attitude, frame and approach has changed in amusement. Its funny how girls act. Seems to be in line of approach regarding wealth and the life coming with it. This all is beneficial.

[Kol]

Ill be blooming for 5 days now on. Ran high loops for the last couple of days, and the urge to run is somewhat satisfied. Lets see what this bloom will bring. Things are looking positive and solid already.

Last couple of days im watching some swaggersouls. The dude is blunt, straight forward and doesnt give a fuck. I see the lack of guilt, shame and fear in it and he owns it up, just for fucks sake. Im reflecting on that, as I feel kind of stuck in character at times. Like being boxed in while knowing this is ums doing stuff underneath the hood. Fun is a main element to me, be willing to ridicule the character, as in the grand scheme of things we are all actors so to say, playing a role. It aint all that serious and, yes, its a habit/pattern I slip in.

My theory is, breaking this will set me free on levels aswell as will make me highly productive. Another big thing Im recognizing is, im disowning certain qualities. This might be hidden value after all, and am willing to embrace and see the value in it. Perfectionism has been a curse to me at times, aswell as indecisiveness, accompanied by vigilant monitoring. Resulting in self attack and harshness on myself. I know what it is, fear, stemming from trauma. Being the perfect kid syndrome, jacked up with GSF. now im seeing how all that is trauma. Im willing to face it. To face the experiences I had and to work through em, even if healing and dealing makes me think about lost time. Again, abandonment stuff. Embrace quirkiness it can be so easy. Instead of disowning, for some ideal "best self" it might be a paradox. Sure im investing in myself, yet, with this healing and all, its easy to become all perfectionistic, instead of loving myself for who I am. Enough, it becomes a mindfuck.

Bloom seems to kick in earlier and earlier the more I run UMS and let it bloom due to E3 and FRM. more and more im stable in my knowing, ums is 100% legit. An innate sense. A given. It shows and is great.

[Kol]

Great. Im making progress. Im coming out of the subconscious forest. Im thinking about turning what I perceive as negative to positive and see potential to leaveraging that. Good. I mean, some stuff is surrounded by societal programming, even if it is subtle like a subconscious poison drip, yet idgaf. Own it and use it beneficially. I forget sometimes when amidst subconscious dealing that it is temporary, yet still amidst of it, it can be wonky. Guess its a focus attention thing. Lil things are highlighted and im like "why"? Its a minor issue but still beneficial for the full execution of the sub I guess.

The sub is pushing me to getting more connections. As I broke with the old group due to no shared interests, aswell as a lifestyle that holds no fruition, and will bite them in the ass hard, now I feel more "myself". More defined boundaries, grounded in myself, access to my resources, collaboration is king. I have tons of potential content and want an outlet, so im thinking building reputation, putting myself out there more and the such. From experience, shared value is effortless, and im free to vibe, or rather, vibe comes first. 

So, connections, collaborations, as I grow, ums might manifest this. Its key. Not oit of neediness, but rather as an next step in building empire. I still have fears to deal with, and am looking forward to UMS2. 

I also now get the story telling value. Something that seems a reoccuring theme with the *write text, deletes* also fear.

I feel the sub making changes underneath like alladin's flying carpet, guided.

Also, dank memes.

[Kol]

Day 2 bloom.

I dont want to make any conclusions. Stuff is happening under the hood but I am backing off.

[Kol]

This. Makes me think and reflect on s bigger scale. If Shannon or Ben says to remove it, I will as it involves addiction and substance. But fuck, it shocks me to the core at this point in an good way. Im out of fuck to give and have no fear in destruction which is huge and puts me on the brink of breakthrough and execution. 

What a gift.