03-19-2019, 04:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-19-2019, 04:11 PM by DarkPlouf.
Edit Reason: Fixed YT link
)
Hey CatMan. Long time no see.
Luckily I just saw your journal today as well as Shannon's really, really great answer above.
I'd like to jump on the occasion and say something.
First, I'm not trying to give any relationship/sexual advice, but if you remember me, I'm sharing a lot with your stuggles. I had the same beliefs you have now (that I agree are limiting), the same trauma, the same experience, same results...basically, all your issues woman related, I had those too, but the only difference is that you're older than me. It's just that.
Now, the thing is I really overcame that - all of that, and I'm not like that anymore. So I want to say a few words because that's something that in your shoes I wish I had realized sooner. I'm not trying to be that guy that transcended life and now want to tell people what to do, but what made me shift my beliefs were the words of a random guy on the internet. So hey, I'm trying to do my part too and pass the baton.
One day I was browsing YouTube and I found the story of a youtuber I had subscribed for before. Basically, the story were along the lines of "Until you accept that you are unhappy because you CHOOSE to be, you'll never get out of the rut you're in." and I really disagreed with him at that time. I thought that was outrageous and inappropriate of him to say so.
He later made a video about it, and everything clicked. This is the random internet guy that made me change my mind. Basically what he said is that the state of mind you're currently in is a state of mind you've chosen, and none of the things we perceive as external are responsible for your happiness. Being happy is a state of mind you have to make the effort to choose. So you are responsible for it.
Replace "happiness/unhappiness" with your woman-related issues and that's exactly what Shannon states.
I may sound like an idiot if that's obvious to people, but for me it really wasn't. I thought being confident/happy and valuable to myself was something that was supposed to "happen" to me, like a random event I can hardly control, but it's in fact something I can get just like that! It requires just the effort to choose. The thing that I had never been taught is that: you can choose your state of mind, and it requires conscious effort and that's normal.
You really have to change your mindset like Shannon said. You'll never get out of the rut you're in otherwise. For me it worked and I felt so stupid for not realizing that sooner.
Since I started to apply what that guy said, I've never been happier in my life. I value myself however I want and I don't care at all about the external things. I mean, why would I when I have my own view of self-worth?
I wish I could tell you "I have now a GF now and voila" but this is not my point. I do not know if shifting your mindset will get you laid (I believe it will, but I don't know) but what I know is that this is the right mindset to have if you care about your self-development journey. Shannon is 10000% right about the rejection part. If you define your self-worth and values for yourself, you'll stop feeling shit at any random things that happen, including rejection.
Basically, everything Shannon said right here is something I can testify at 100%, for having the exact same struggles as you in the past:
Now, you said:
What Shannon and that youtuber said are actually backed by science. You're a man of logic? Then watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ0_p2nnK2Q.
The "Theory of constructed emotion" implies that your brain takes into account data inside your body and compares that against past experiences [that happened INSIDE your body] to create an emotion. And guess what, "you can change the software in your heads". Basically, that states that you can train your mind to apprehend life the way you want. Gurus have been right all along, you can literally choose your self-worth for yourself.
This is a whole new and legit view at treating things like depression. And it all starts by just making the conscious effort to decide, and choose.
Hope that'll help persuade you man, it just isn't worth it at all to keep having these beliefs. Why waste your time struggling when you can choose not to?
If I hadn't realized what these people said, I think I'd still be running DMSI by now and still struggle.
Again, I can't claim you'll get your holy grail - getting laid, with this but all I know is that this is 100% the right mindset to have while approaching life and the benefits are way over getting into woman skirts.
P.S: If you're interested in that youtube video, it's right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUREmOL0kmU. Disclaimer: he's a spiritual guy, but his words are sharp and rightful.
Luckily I just saw your journal today as well as Shannon's really, really great answer above.
I'd like to jump on the occasion and say something.
First, I'm not trying to give any relationship/sexual advice, but if you remember me, I'm sharing a lot with your stuggles. I had the same beliefs you have now (that I agree are limiting), the same trauma, the same experience, same results...basically, all your issues woman related, I had those too, but the only difference is that you're older than me. It's just that.
Now, the thing is I really overcame that - all of that, and I'm not like that anymore. So I want to say a few words because that's something that in your shoes I wish I had realized sooner. I'm not trying to be that guy that transcended life and now want to tell people what to do, but what made me shift my beliefs were the words of a random guy on the internet. So hey, I'm trying to do my part too and pass the baton.
One day I was browsing YouTube and I found the story of a youtuber I had subscribed for before. Basically, the story were along the lines of "Until you accept that you are unhappy because you CHOOSE to be, you'll never get out of the rut you're in." and I really disagreed with him at that time. I thought that was outrageous and inappropriate of him to say so.
He later made a video about it, and everything clicked. This is the random internet guy that made me change my mind. Basically what he said is that the state of mind you're currently in is a state of mind you've chosen, and none of the things we perceive as external are responsible for your happiness. Being happy is a state of mind you have to make the effort to choose. So you are responsible for it.
Replace "happiness/unhappiness" with your woman-related issues and that's exactly what Shannon states.
I may sound like an idiot if that's obvious to people, but for me it really wasn't. I thought being confident/happy and valuable to myself was something that was supposed to "happen" to me, like a random event I can hardly control, but it's in fact something I can get just like that! It requires just the effort to choose. The thing that I had never been taught is that: you can choose your state of mind, and it requires conscious effort and that's normal.
You really have to change your mindset like Shannon said. You'll never get out of the rut you're in otherwise. For me it worked and I felt so stupid for not realizing that sooner.
Since I started to apply what that guy said, I've never been happier in my life. I value myself however I want and I don't care at all about the external things. I mean, why would I when I have my own view of self-worth?
I wish I could tell you "I have now a GF now and voila" but this is not my point. I do not know if shifting your mindset will get you laid (I believe it will, but I don't know) but what I know is that this is the right mindset to have if you care about your self-development journey. Shannon is 10000% right about the rejection part. If you define your self-worth and values for yourself, you'll stop feeling shit at any random things that happen, including rejection.
Basically, everything Shannon said right here is something I can testify at 100%, for having the exact same struggles as you in the past:
Quote:That feedback can only cripple if you respond to it in a way that allows it to cripple you
Quote:That means you don't look within yourself to find your self worth, and that is ALWAYS going to fail. If you take a woman's rejection as an indicator of your personal self worth, as it seems you do, then you need to change that belief too, the one that says: "I look to her to tell me what to think of myself." No, you have that backwards. YOU decide what to think of yourself, and then when you have done that, everything else will fall into place.
If you base your self esteem, self worth and self respect on your own beliefs and choices, then you will never be asking anyone else what your worth is, and they will never reject you for doing so. This is a big point, I think: women will smell this miles away. Asking her what your value is, automatically assigns you a low value, and she will reject that.
Now, you said:
Quote:"Get over it" or "believe the exact opposite of what has proven itself true your whole life with zero evidence to support it" isn't going to cut it.Actually, it does cut it! And that's exactly what you have to do.
What Shannon and that youtuber said are actually backed by science. You're a man of logic? Then watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJ0_p2nnK2Q.
The "Theory of constructed emotion" implies that your brain takes into account data inside your body and compares that against past experiences [that happened INSIDE your body] to create an emotion. And guess what, "you can change the software in your heads". Basically, that states that you can train your mind to apprehend life the way you want. Gurus have been right all along, you can literally choose your self-worth for yourself.
This is a whole new and legit view at treating things like depression. And it all starts by just making the conscious effort to decide, and choose.
Hope that'll help persuade you man, it just isn't worth it at all to keep having these beliefs. Why waste your time struggling when you can choose not to?
If I hadn't realized what these people said, I think I'd still be running DMSI by now and still struggle.
Again, I can't claim you'll get your holy grail - getting laid, with this but all I know is that this is 100% the right mindset to have while approaching life and the benefits are way over getting into woman skirts.
P.S: If you're interested in that youtube video, it's right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUREmOL0kmU. Disclaimer: he's a spiritual guy, but his words are sharp and rightful.
