Transcendental Sith Lord's OF Journal

[Shannon]

@Shannon is it possible for the conscious mind to at least sense levels of the subconscious at times? Obviously the subconscious is still you but I'm guessing the conscious would perceive certain levels of the subconscious as i guess "different" from itself? especially in the way they operate.

Yes, it is possible.  And the conscious awareness perceives the other parts as "different than itself", but I haven't been able to determine how the various subconscious parts perceive one another beyond a strong suggestion that they perceive different parts as separate from themselves also.

[DarthXedonias]

Well I think its time for an update.

So far it feels like a few things have become permanent (as far as permanent removal which this FRM was supposed to accomplish from my understanding). Still despising people who try to manipulate me and I will continue to call them out on it. It is amazing how much people try to manipulate others. Had a women try that game on me. Try to manipulate me to do something for her which was trying to play on a now none existent fear (a fear that produced neediness). All it ended up doing was making me ignore her for a while and also not giving a shit about whether she was in my life or not. Can't stand people who try to manipulate me and I find it a major turn off now. Don't try to find some excuse for them now like I might have done in the past or doubt if it really was manipulation because I might be "afraid" of offending them.

Actually won't let people get away with trying to blame me for shit that is not totally my fault. I will literally tell them to fuck off for the most part. Also getting less interested in playing toxic online competitive games for this reason. Why should I add more stress in my life dealing with morons , most of whom don't even have anything going for them in real life and just talk down to each other in these games to make themselves feel good? Seems like a waste of time and the beta way of making yourself "feel" alpha in an area that doesn't even matter in the real world. I mean maybe if you were playing this stuff competitively and getting paid for it sure but most people aren't. They are just using that shit to make themselves feel good and to hide away from the real world. I'm very tempted to just start option trading and Forex trading early but its not so much fear stopping me but I rather have all things going in my advantage. So I rather wait until the new UMS comes out and I have all my energies focused on that one singular goal.

I did get good news today that China will open up its borders on September 28th to people who had residence permits, etc. People whose residence permit expired during this whole pandemic (mines for example) can go to the embassy to apply with no issue another visa to re-enter the country. Unfortunately unless I workout something with my boss I probably won't be going back until like November. One way flights from the US to China costs about 4k USD at the moment. Way too much for my liking. So I will probably just wait till November when they will be a little bit more affordable.

I am planing to change up my listening schedule a bit. I'm finding less is more for me actually. I just got some pretty high on life feelings from just running 2 loops. So I might try running 2 loops every other day and see how that works out for me. Anything more than 3 seems to be too much for me. So far things seem to be going pretty well still. I will probably be running the new DMSI for a bit once it comes out. I think OF has made me want to become a bit more sociable and I want to have more actual fun now. I think running DMSI might be good for that and help regain some of the social skills I lost due to this whole period in my life. Its interesting I want relationships with women for example but I don't need them. If I'm single for the rest of my life I am completely ok with that but as long as I reach my main goals in my life.

I have a certain confidence about myself now and this extends to my future plans. I pretty much have no doubt in my mind now that if I run any future subs they will work as intended. Seems like the major fears blocking them are done with. I think this has to do with the fear of possibilities and their results to be taken care of. Seems like I can easily see many more possibilities than I thought of before and am open to them. I'm not afraid of going down this specific road I plan to go down and the results that might follow. It feels like my self imposed limitations have been removed. Either way I guess time will tell if this made enough of a difference so that DMSI and UMS will work now. Will update when there's more that comes up.

[JCasterlin]

Wrong thread

[DarthXedonias]

Update: There is some good news and bad news as of now. The bad news is some of my PTSD symptoms sort of came back over the last week or so though they are a far cry from how they were. The good news is I did notice a theme though which I had pointed out before in posts in August. Any negativity that might be left seems to be around guilt and shame. It makes me think that perhaps some experts might be wrong. What if PTSD isn't just a fear prone disorder (though fear might be the prominent issue) but guilt and shame can play a role as well? Either way I'm not really phased by this as much because that new reality that I landed in is still hear which is why I think anything else (major depression, etc) is gone. If I were to gauge the intensity of this its only at like 20-30% intensity of where my symptoms used to be. Also I can clearly see that some things in my life are just gone. So as far as the permanently removing fears FRM seems to be working just fine.

Given all this I guess my assessment from around August is still valid that guilt and shame still have something to do with holding the person back "but" fear still is the major contributor. Some might read this and say well this is bad but I don't see it that way. I see this as the best results I have had yet and not just that but some things are just permanently changed which is a far cry from before. So, perhaps 3 steeps forward but a temporary 1 step back. before we make even more progress I think. Despite this I still have this confidence, and calm demeanor about myself. I also am fully convinced I will still get external results from DMSI and UMS in the future. That prognosis hasn't changed. Either way I will keep you all posted.

[Shannon]

I would be surprised if, in at least the majority of cases, guilt and/or shame were not significant contributors to PTSD. For example, a lot of soldiers come back from combat with "survivor's guilt". This is, as far as I have seen, strongly correlated with PTSD.

There will come an OGSF in the future that should help with guilt and shame as much as FRM helps with overcoming fear, but that is a ways off yet, both in terms of me understanding how to do it, and being free to work on it.

[DarthXedonias]

I would be surprised if, in at least the majority of cases, guilt and/or shame were not significant contributors to PTSD.  For example, a lot of soldiers come back from combat with "survivor's guilt".  This is, as far as I have seen, strongly correlated with PTSD.  

There will come an OGSF in the future that should help with guilt and shame as much as FRM helps with overcoming fear, but that is a ways off yet, both in terms of me understanding how to do it, and being free to work on it.

Ya know I totally forgot about that aspect of it and I had read the same thing before. I did want to ask though according to any of your research do guilt and shame have the ability to regrow themselves as much as fear does? Are they at such a deep, lizard level of the brain as fear is?

[Shannon]

I would be surprised if, in at least the majority of cases, guilt and/or shame were not significant contributors to PTSD.  For example, a lot of soldiers come back from combat with "survivor's guilt".  This is, as far as I have seen, strongly correlated with PTSD.  

There will come an OGSF in the future that should help with guilt and shame as much as FRM helps with overcoming fear, but that is a ways off yet, both in terms of me understanding how to do it, and being free to work on it.

Ya know I totally forgot about that aspect of it and I had read the same thing before. I did want to ask though according to any of your research do guilt and shame have the ability to regrow themselves as much as fear does? Are they at such a deep, lizard level of the brain as fear is?

They are their own things.  I believe that those two are more learned than innate, and as such we have to change the beliefs that result in them.  Should be much easier to deal with than fear.