Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Time for an update.

Still noticing similar things these last few days. More people trying to talk to me or people I barely know. Matter of fact I had a neighbor about 2 apartments over who at the beginning at least tried to say something to me but then for years now didn't say anything to me, and now today try to start a conversation. I honestly wasn't expecting that. I am honestly finding myself thinking about when I get to either Korea or China that I will try to spend more time doing stuff outside. Things like driving to nice places, hiking, and possibly taking some Martial arts or something. I'm finding staying in the house less and less appealing which is a welcome change.

I also decided to try out something I hadn't in a while. Before the subs on the 16 personality test I tested as an INTP. After completing AM6 I had tested more slightly INTJ. I hadn't taken the test since then. Well, out of curiosity after all these changes I decided to take the test again. The results were as follows:

54% Introverted
73% Intuitive
69% Thinking
69% Judging

(Identity rating Assertive)

Things are roughly the same though I noticed my introversion is a lot lower than it was before. Before it used to be in the 90th percentile. This change would explain why I'm starting to feel more like getting outside the house. Also, the test I took had an added competent of telling if your more assertive or turbulent. It says regarding this:

This trait underpins all others, showing how confident we are in our abilities and decisions.

On this I scored 97% Assertiveness, which is the complete opposite of last time. This result definitely give confirmation of what I have already noticed in my writing about my experience so far. The self confidence and certainty in which I talk about things though still willing to be open minded about things and be convinced. It did say that with this combination of things I would be what is called a "confidant individualist". Even though most psychologist use the big 5 personality traits, which I "might" take later, I still find taking the Briggs Myers test to be quite informative. I will of course take this information tentatively since I don't want to totally say I am "this or that" and I also don't want to limit my view of what I can become further. I say this because I know many say that you can't change your personality for example but I am not so sure about that exertion. I am more careful than ever these days of saying something is set in stone.

As for my women "troubles" trying to make this decision is annoying me quite frankly. Its a constant back and forth. Hmm on the one hand she really is a good women. She has a high amount of character and is a very moral person. She is also very mature and quite attractive. Part of me wants to stay with her for that reason and the fact that she is different in temperament than me means I feel like I can learn from her by being in a relationship with her. Heh, its funny really. I'm more thinking about all the intangible benefits of being in a relationship with her, the learning experience, and personal growth she might offer instead of things like how she will give me sex any time I want. I would have never thought I would have gotten to this point. Sex does account for something but it feels like it doesn't matter to me as much as things that more impact on the long term.

It feels like the time sex appeal matters the most is when its the only thing you have to go on and it takes everything else she has to bring to the table to keep me around. As for the other thing regarding my situation that makes me want to leave this situation is the "restrictions" that I would have to abide by if we were to make this long term. I would have certain responsibilities that were agreed to. I think the only other thing that is make any of this hard is I still have this hesitance to do something when I know it will destroy that person emotionally. Of course they will recover, we all do after things like this but doesn't make it any more easy. eh, either way I just need to make a decision today and just stick to it and deal with the consequences.

Other than all of this not much new has happened. I think my previous assessment was correct about this current wave of change being complete for now. Whatever got cleared weeks ago enabled a large amount of changes to happen. For literally the next 2-3 weeks afterwards I was getting daily revelations and understandings about myself. It was like my mind was clear and working in overdrive to make me understand things so I could get to this changed state. This experience does make me wondering if there is a collective unconscious seeing as it felt like I was downloading this information at times. I had never had my mind think in these types of ways before and come to such understandings one after another throughout the day.

It does seem though that after most of the change was complete that I just sort of reached some new normal and things just slowed down. Its like I'm at some new base level very, very far above of where I was. I have totally reshaped the way I believe and therefore the way I interact with the world has changed. In response the external results I notice are totally different from before. I don't think I've really had one bad experience being outside, etc within weeks after this all happening. Whereas before negative things happening was very common place. With all this being said, I am not saying that I've gotten all that I can out of this sub. I do think there will be other chances of something being cleared then another cascade effect of changes over a period of time. Just seem like now it has slowed down to a steady pace yet again.

Anyway, that's all to report for now really. Seems like this is my new base level and it certainly feels much better than where I was at before.