10-24-2018, 10:47 AM
Well think it is time for an update.
While I took my secondary loop break I totally blackslide. I starting playing more video games and didn't really get any work done. It was only today, on my second day of running the sub again, did I wake up with some revelations and the motivation to get my work done. I kind of woke up with only like 30 mins done before I was done with my loops for today and I definitely felt something going on internally. I felt like I was anxious and a little bit of anger underneath about something. Took me a few mins after I woke up to realize what it probably was. I think it had to be with this idea that I was taught this "pathological" altruism all while growing up. Constantly having to "sacrifice" my own aims, goals, and wants for others which I feel has totally gotten me down the road I was going.
Not really accomplishing anything I wanted in the long run and when it came to things that only benefited me I felt barely any motivation and felt some type of "shame". I think it has to do with this evolutionary idea as well that societies in general teach to an extreme. This idea of "male dispose-ability". Like its some idea that men are just expected to sacrifice for everyone because its their duty to do so and no one questions it. I think this with the pathological altruism is what was dealt with. After I woke up I really thought about what I wanted to do with life. I did decide that I definitely want to get in a career or something that paid a lot of money. I do want to get to the point as well where I can have a huge amount of passive income so I don't have to work anymore.
All those options I've mentioned in my previous post are still on the table and I think the new LTU might help me out with them. I am slightly considering actually putting Nursing or Medical school on that list as well depending on how well LTU goes. I only say nursing because I've seen before that an anesthesiologist nurse actually makes pay comparable to some doctors salaries. I'm just getting to the point where I really need to concentrate on myself more and make myself more happy. I did realize also there is one thing I really did want to get into. For whatever reason I have always been interested in Psychic type phenomenon and would be very interested in pursuing that. Since I've asked Shannon about a potential 6G sub aimed at that and he said he might make one I will probably wait in the mean time for that.
Other than all that I seem to be back on schedule of getting stuff done hopefully. I have more of an idea of possible things I want to do and can look at my options. It also feels like a significant amount of fear has been dealt with. I'm starting to notice a trend here of the sub having the best effects if I fall sleep while actively listening to it. I think it might have to do with what Shannon said regarding that during certain states of sleep that the subconscious can't really resist the instructions as much. I will try to use this to my advantage.
While I took my secondary loop break I totally blackslide. I starting playing more video games and didn't really get any work done. It was only today, on my second day of running the sub again, did I wake up with some revelations and the motivation to get my work done. I kind of woke up with only like 30 mins done before I was done with my loops for today and I definitely felt something going on internally. I felt like I was anxious and a little bit of anger underneath about something. Took me a few mins after I woke up to realize what it probably was. I think it had to be with this idea that I was taught this "pathological" altruism all while growing up. Constantly having to "sacrifice" my own aims, goals, and wants for others which I feel has totally gotten me down the road I was going.
Not really accomplishing anything I wanted in the long run and when it came to things that only benefited me I felt barely any motivation and felt some type of "shame". I think it has to do with this evolutionary idea as well that societies in general teach to an extreme. This idea of "male dispose-ability". Like its some idea that men are just expected to sacrifice for everyone because its their duty to do so and no one questions it. I think this with the pathological altruism is what was dealt with. After I woke up I really thought about what I wanted to do with life. I did decide that I definitely want to get in a career or something that paid a lot of money. I do want to get to the point as well where I can have a huge amount of passive income so I don't have to work anymore.
All those options I've mentioned in my previous post are still on the table and I think the new LTU might help me out with them. I am slightly considering actually putting Nursing or Medical school on that list as well depending on how well LTU goes. I only say nursing because I've seen before that an anesthesiologist nurse actually makes pay comparable to some doctors salaries. I'm just getting to the point where I really need to concentrate on myself more and make myself more happy. I did realize also there is one thing I really did want to get into. For whatever reason I have always been interested in Psychic type phenomenon and would be very interested in pursuing that. Since I've asked Shannon about a potential 6G sub aimed at that and he said he might make one I will probably wait in the mean time for that.
Other than all that I seem to be back on schedule of getting stuff done hopefully. I have more of an idea of possible things I want to do and can look at my options. It also feels like a significant amount of fear has been dealt with. I'm starting to notice a trend here of the sub having the best effects if I fall sleep while actively listening to it. I think it might have to do with what Shannon said regarding that during certain states of sleep that the subconscious can't really resist the instructions as much. I will try to use this to my advantage.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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