Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Well, the getting "free stuff" keeps on coming.

Earlier this week went to the theater again and even though I had to use one of my free movie passes this time (Someone I didn't talk to and see that much was the one that processed my ticket at the counter) I still got a free pop corn at the concession stand. This was from a guy who I barely worked and barely said 3 words to while I worked there. I was about to pay for a medium but he asked if I wanted the free large refill bag. He said you could do it for your friends as well which is weird seeing as I barely talked to this guy at all. I ended up talking to him for a bit along with a few other people. Also the girl with a nice ass was working there as well. This time she seemed to stop to get involved in a conversation I had with 2 different people 2 different times.

A lot of the time I get this "sense" that some women (her included) are attracted but something feels off. Its hard to explain. I think it might be the fact that this resistant "I don't care attitude" is artificially lowering how much they are getting sniped. So they are still getting sniped but to whole lesser degree than they should. I remember before 3.2 I was very often checking out her fine backside but now its like I don't really care all that much and if I do try to stare at her backside like before I don't really feel anything. Before I would often get this attraction and feeling of horniness, now its nothing. I should mentioned though that when I was down stairs getting my ticket while I was at the counter this other woman was at the counter with me waiting for her turn. I found this weird since usually you wait at the opening to the line a few feet from the front of the counter. She was standing somewhat close (you would have thought she was with me if you were passing by) and from what I could see from the corner of my eye she was looking pretty much directly in my direction while I waited to get my ticket.

Another thing I have noticed that has kept going on is that I have no social anxiety and actually look forward to talking to people now. When I go to the theater its like I will try to talk to a whole bunch of people (like when I was talking to that guy at concessions that I barely talked to before) and actually enjoy it. I actually seem to enjoy myself more when I go outside now than staying in. Only thing now is I won't be able to go out as much since I'm going to be low on money for the next 2 weeks or so. Either way I did go to the vape store yesterday and actually started a conversation with one of the guys of my own initiative which is not normal for me at all. The owner also said his goodbyes to me by name as I walked out of the store even though I didn't even talk to him the entire time.

Also, went to Jack in the Box this morning, kind of at the last moment and noticed included with my order was a order of small fries which I didn't order at all. So still seem to get free shit when I go out and people wanting to talk to me. Just seems like the sexual side of things is lacking which I put down now to my "don't care attitude" artificially lowering how much women get sniped. Another thing I've noticed is I've stopped going to a discord server that I use to frequent for a couple of months now. I stopped pretty much as soon as I got on A version. I had been watching some MGTOW content to see what they were about since I was under the TID of 3.2 before it came out. Yeah, I learned some interesting things that I hadn't thought about before (even though I wouldn't have considered myself part of that group before hand) but after I got started on version A I didn't feel comfortable being on there anymore and thought they were way too toxic after a while.

I get it "legal" marriage is a stupid and bad deal for man in this day and age. I think most guys on here would agree to that and probably know some male relative or friend who got raked over the coals in the bias family court system. They also said their "way of life" (I will get to that in a moment) is simply a man trying to find his own way through life and doing what makes him happy instead of finding that purpose in women, which once again I think most guys would agree with. In pratice though I think it finds much to be desired. I noticed the whole time I was there self actualization would be talked about maybe 10% of the time, the other 90% of the time felt like it was just nothing but blaming women for most of the problems in western countries. After a while that gets really old and you start to realize its less about self actualization most of the time.

Also, even though they aren't fully like third way feminist I started to notice that they still had some of the same stuff. Case in point they will try to say MGTOW isn't a ideology and more of a way of life or life style choice but I noticed this one thing they would bring up that was the same thing I was seeing on the other side. Just like if you say your for equality but aren't a feminist and then a feminist will claim you are a feminist because you believe in equality I noticed a lot of the time they would do the same stuff. They would often say there are guys who are MGTOW but don't know it because they don't get married and sometimes won't cohabitate with a women. Seems like the same kind of reasoning to me. Also, someone might call themselves MGTOW but if they don't follow , for example, the cohabitation tenet they will get screamed at for not being a "real" MGTOW. Same way if a second way feminist doesn't agree with current feminist at all she will be screamed at for not being a "real" feminist.

Either way I feel like too many of these Ideologies or , if you use the weasel word, "way of lifes" seem to be ways for people to feel like they belong with a certain community, which I find not to be bad in of itself but it feels like too many people try to derive this meaning for their life from them instead of reaching for self actualization and self mastery. Besides, if your all about self actualization and self mastery why would you need a "way of life", group , or movement to accomplish this anyway. I don't know but I feel since I've been running version A and getting a lot more selfs (Self validation, self confidance, self esteem, etc) I've been distancing myself from any groups at all (actually started somewhat on 3.1) and trying to find more meaning from myself than trying to find that with a group. I can still agree with other "groups" about issues but I see that as more of my opinion aligning with that specific group than me having to be a part of that group or movement if that makes sense. Version A has made me realize that I don't need anyone else, or any group for that matter to complete me. So, I think I just try to stay away from any so called "redpilled" stuff for now on. I think It was Ben who said that they might have some good stuff to say every now and then but it feels like most of the time its less about self help type stuff and more about blaming women all the time.

In conclusion though even if I don't get the external results I want from 3.2 and have to wait for 3.3 to address some of the issues I'm having I'm still enjoying this ride so far for all the internal changes. I think those internal changes by themselves will vastly prepare me to probably start off 3.3 with the external changes I want.