Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Only a few days til release but there has been some bad stuff come up.

I don't know what is going on but I'm starting to get the "fear" again. Last night I was on the internet again and thinking about the release of 3.2 and if I might achieve the goals of the program. Almost immediately I start getting this almost paralyzing fear again. It like this idea of, "I need to run something else, I don't think I should run this (3.2) for a while". I just sat still and tried to calm myself down and unlike last time this lasted for about 2 hours. I woke up today quite a bit better but I still feel this lingering fear and compulsion to run something else at times. I don't know what is going on with this. This is the 3rd time I have experienced something like this but its the strongest one yet. Just have to make sure I keep on track, wait til release, and not doing something stupid like running another sub (mainly it was pushing to run 3.1 even though I know for a fact that I have reverse resisted that to hell at this point).

This is why Shannon was determined to build "THE WALL" module!! You'll be fine once you start listening to 3.2!!
From what I understand, the wall will prevent you from "stopping & running" another subliminal title until you execute version 3.2!!

Thanks 4 kingdoms. Based on last night I think there is more going on than I thought. Another major thing has happened. So, after my last post I still had the lingering fear for quite a while but then I went to sleep last night and I had another major shift. I'm starting to think the fear reaction might have been to running the program in general but it also might have to do with the subconscious knowing what was going to happen last night. I was trying to go to sleep then all of a sudden it felt like my brain is vibrating a lot. Then my body starts doing the same and I start feeling slight energy in my body as well. After it stops I feel a definite state shift.

I noticed a few things when this happened. (1) I had the realization that I had been hiding the real me for a long time. I had already went over in this journal how when younger I started withdrawing more and more from socialization because of the fear of ridicule and being rejected when I opened myself up. Before these experiences I was quite social and I was actually more interested in conversation and having a good time with people then in things and ideas.(2) A certain process came to my mind at this time. Not sure if you guys have listened to some of the stuff Jordan Peterson talks about but he talks sometimes about the process of development. One thing he talks about is how a person is suppose to be developed within a tribe or group but that isn't where development is suppose to end at. Once the person is developed within that group he is then suppose to start developing into a individual. The problem is a lot of people only want to develop as far as the group their in and don't want to actual self actualize as an individual. The main reason being is if you develop into a individual, individuals have to take responsibility. Most people run from responsibility like its the damn plague. I realized that I need to further develop as an individual.

(3) I felt this boost in confidence. I had this in my mind that "yes, I can reach the goals of the program". We shall see how this turns out when I actually run the program but I'm very optimistic about it. (4) I'm pretty sure I felt some elements of the wall. Before even during that non-porn watching streak I would still feel the urge to masturbate. Now, not only do I not feel the urge to watch porn or masturbate but also all fantasizing has stopped complete right now. I can't even fantasize about anything. At most I might get like a snap shot in my mind about something but even with that it quickly fades away. So this has been very interesting to say the least. (5) Connected with point 4, its like there is a disconnect between my mind and body. Usually, if I feel horny in anyway there is like this immediate need to expel that sexual energy (masturbation, porn, etc). Now it feels like I know my sex drive is there and my body feels like its filled with sexual energy but there isn't this desperation reaction in my mind to release it. My body is sexually on fire in some ways but my mind remains cool, calm, and collected.

I have wondered about something which I probably won't be able to know until the program is released. With the wall since you can't get "out or escape" I wonder if that means nothing can get in either? I'm thinking in regards to a problem I had on 3.1 along with a few other people. Where you would feel like you were making good progress then some event or someone (maybe someone who feels like they need to knock you down a peg) would do something that would shatter that progress and you would be starting at ground zero again. I do feel this kind of "detachment" from things around me. Not so much in a bad way but in that if something bad did happen it wouldn't hurt me as much as it would usually. I will have to see how this is when the program is released though to see if my suspicious might be correct.

Anyway, that's all I have to report now. I don't know if my mind is on some kind of countdown or something and I'm going to have some other abnormal occurrence tonight as well but we shall see.