TouchyCat's Subliminal Journey [UMS > OF]

[Benjamin]

I am craving for more OF. Is this also a resistance?

Anyway, when I look back on why I regret buying OF I believe it is caused by irrationality. Frankly, I am feeling something is "off" when running OF and I associated this feeling with money. "Why would I spent $100+ on this?"

It looks to me you've got these 2 things mixed up.

Shannon has said that usually if you have an urge to listen more to go with it after a few cycles as it's usually correct, that's the autoconfig module working.

Feeling something is 'off' while running OF sounds more like resistance, and also possibly "I don't know how to be without fear, this feels wrong" which I can definately identify with, I can imagine it would feel weird but you should adjust over time.

[Shannon]

Can't believe I've been running OF for a month. How time flies ?️??️

It is kinda hard for me to describe and articulate what OF done to me. But I can say, confidently, that OF made me exhausted and calm. Maybe as time goes by I can articulate my OF experience in a more descriptive way.

Those are both indicative that it's working.

If you're craving using OF more than 6 loops a day, are you letting yourself do that?  And why would you regret buying it?

Yes. I let myself play more than 6 loops a day to satisfy my craving. Entering the second cycle I disregard ASRB and run OF 24/7. Continuously in low volume. I am treating it as background music, it just plays while I am working, watching YouTube videos, etc. (Obviously through a different speaker.) 

I am craving for more OF. Is this also a resistance?

As Ben said, craving almost always more is AutoConfig telling you how to best run it for you.  Resistance is almost always trying to run it less or not at all.

Anyway, when I look back on why I regret buying OF I believe it is caused by irrationality. Frankly, I am feeling something is "off" when running OF and I associated this feeling with money. "Why would I spent $100+ on this?"

Yet, at the same time, I am keen to buy AM7 despite knowing it will cost more. The inconsistency of thoughts combined with the "I am feeling something is off" caused me to feel... regret.

Weird.

Anyway, I don't feel that way now

That feeling and thinking... THAT was very likely resistance.  

Good that you're using it the way your cooperative subconscious is guiding you to.

[TouchyCat]

As Ben said, craving almost always more is AutoConfig telling you how to best run it for you.  Resistance is almost always trying to run it less or not at all.

It's official, I am running OF as much as I can every single day to satisfy my cravings. Running it all the way to February or more?

I think running OF is a good investment for magnifying future subs' benefits.

[TouchyCat]

For me, I was exhausted to the point of not being able to do much besides sleep all day for a couple few days.  Then my subconscious almost succeeded in tricking me into quitting for something else, and when I refused, the exhaustion just... disappeared.

The exhaustion means it is working, of course, because that means some part of you is fighting hard to stop it from doing what it's doing.

Convincing you that you're not making progress is a great way to try to get you to quit, isn't it?

Cycle 7- Day 4
Holy cow. The last days have been really terrible. Short tempered and angry as hell mixed with a slight bit of depression.
I really don’t know what’s going on but I hope this won’t last too long. 
It’s really like I don’t know what to do with myself.

These quotes represent my current state running OF.

I am exhausted (which leads to lower productivity and higher self-hate), having multiple thoughts to quit OF, in emotional turmoil (angry, sad, frustrated) and remembering the past and "What-if" scenarios.

I do not like this state. At all. Hence, I really do think running OF is a great decision.

[TouchyCat]

100 days with OF

I can't believe how 100 days feels like a blip.

I feel like I am changing as a person because I write my daily expenses religiously, I put in the work and effort to do my work, and I started to allocate my time better.

Yet, at the same time, I feel like nothing's changed. (Is this a sign?)

Anyway, I am starting to save money to buy UMSv2. I really can't wait to grab it 

[TouchyCat]

...The fact that you can't tell what it is doing is, ironically, a testament to how hugely powerful it actually is, since what it's doing below the surface is kind of like a major demolition/reconstruction project going on.

[TouchyCat]

I am starting to feel exhausted again with OF. Demotivated. And overall "down" in terms of emotion.

This is rough ....

[TouchyCat]

This is the 169th day with OF v1. In some cases, I am aware that I am doing new things and acted more freely. While in other cases, I feel... weirdly meta or thinking what I am doing and why I am doing it while doing it.