05-23-2017, 06:15 AM
So these past few nights I've only been getting about 5-6 hours of sleep. I keep staying up late accidentally working on my music. I know a lot of it is fueled by fear of not making good enough music. The irony of it is half the time I do stay up it's something stupid like working too much on the mixdown instead actually writing the damn song. And I wonder why my music isn't progressing, it's because I spend too much time bogged down in the finer details as a way to avoid the often anxiety provoking task of actually writing a complete song. Then I get upset when my music isn't where I want it to be, but I'm not putting in the effort as much as I should to move forward. Basically I'm prolonging my own misery by not taking enough responsibility for my actions.
Having said that, this is a terrible habit I need to get out of. Going to try to get more hours of sleep because I definitely need it. Part of it is at the end of the day I have more energy or less anxiety or something. Basically my mind feels more clear to work on stuff. The best way I can put it is, the start of a new day fills me with dread, I'm constantly paralyzed by what needs to get done, how much time I have, how much my job is taking up my time. At night it's like time slows down and there's this gap where there are no obligations and I can focus properly.
Also completely unrelated, or maybe it is. I've lost desire to eat or for food in general. I feel like I'm just eating to survive at this point. Which is troubling because I've gone entire days without eating besides a bowl of cereal in the morning. Figuring out what to cook or eat just seems like one more obligation that I have to add to my long list of crap to deal with. On the plus side junk food no longer has an appeal, I know whatever short term satisfaction it gives me isn't worth it in the long run.
Having said that, this is a terrible habit I need to get out of. Going to try to get more hours of sleep because I definitely need it. Part of it is at the end of the day I have more energy or less anxiety or something. Basically my mind feels more clear to work on stuff. The best way I can put it is, the start of a new day fills me with dread, I'm constantly paralyzed by what needs to get done, how much time I have, how much my job is taking up my time. At night it's like time slows down and there's this gap where there are no obligations and I can focus properly.
Also completely unrelated, or maybe it is. I've lost desire to eat or for food in general. I feel like I'm just eating to survive at this point. Which is troubling because I've gone entire days without eating besides a bowl of cereal in the morning. Figuring out what to cook or eat just seems like one more obligation that I have to add to my long list of crap to deal with. On the plus side junk food no longer has an appeal, I know whatever short term satisfaction it gives me isn't worth it in the long run.
