05-13-2017, 08:03 AM
Alright so I never talk about my dreams, but I had 3 that were pretty memorable. Also stage 6 has been anything but smooth for me, A LOT of stuff coming up.
First dream, well the memorable part anyway. I'm in this dimly lit tank of murky water. I'm swimming around the visible part. But there's a darker part where I can't see. And I hear a voice telling me to go into the depths. But it's terrifying. Like you know the darkest parts of the ocean where you have no idea what lives there? That kind of stuff. All I can tell is I feel trapped and suffocating in this dimly lit part and want out. But I'm too afraid to go deeper. I mean the meaning is pretty damn obvious. That dimly lit part is my comfort zone and the dark depths is the unknown, the parts I have to face to make my life better. The thing is in this dream it's not like the dark depths was a guaranteed way out, I couldn't see what was on the other side. Normally this is what I feel every day, but consciously I tell myself there are better things out there and I have to push myself. But this dream captured the really raw fear in my subconscious. The part I constantly try to override with my conscious mind in day to day life.
Second dream. Weird one, but whatever. Water again, no idea what the water theme is here. But it was like a really large pool. Everyone is hanging out having a good time. I try to join them, but don't fit in. Say screw it, swim to the edge of the pool and get out. Just completely alone. Then I see some girl and she tells me I'm a terrible person. Don't get angry at her. Just start saying I know I'm a fuck up, everything I try ends in failure, I don't expect people to like me, I've never fit in, and if I'm cold and detached from people it's because I don't know how to connect. All said pretty much with tears in my eyes. She gets more understanding and apologizes to me, gives me a hug.
With this dream, I don't know. I think there are parts of me I don't acknowledge. Parts I try to keep hidden because I don't want to seem like I'm wallowing in self pity. Like I think I'm more emotionally healed than I actually am, I convince myself that these deep wounds don't effect me or I've somehow transcended them but they just lurk beneath the surface outside of my conscious awareness. It's like at one point I split off into two separate halves. This really emotionally hurt person, my core self, split off into this side of me that's productive and gets stuff done but is a shell of a person. Autonomous, but not really embodying a part of myself. I don't think I'm broken as a person anymore. But I do think there's a part of me that's never healed or grown. And some people may say I'm overthinking all this. But what I've learned is people are complex. Some people have easy lives, things line up for them, and life is all about just doing what they want. But my entire life I've had to figure out how to navigate the labyrinth of my mind because I was given challenges that it seemed like nobody else around me faced. Where all of it came from, I have no clue.
Last dream. Aliens. I was running around a house with someone else. Then the aliens would put stuff outside. Like my dog that wanted to get in or another person. But I'd watch through the glass and feel like it was a trap. The other person was telling me we need to go out there. And I told him no. They create these illusions to lure you out and you have to check inside first to make sure it's not a duplicate. I think this was my brains interpretation of the subliminal trying to bypass resistance. Coming up with clever tactics, but my mind still perceives it as a threat and doesn't fall for them. I don't believe the aliens were hostile in my dream. But it was mixed emotions. A part of me felt like they could help me, but another part of me was fearful that the helpful demeanor was a trick to lull me in to a false sense of security and do whatever they wanted with me.
So that was a lot of emotionally heavy stuff. To be honest I don't know anymore where I stand with all this. I thought I knew, but clearly I don't. I've got some issues and not saying that in a negative way or putting myself down, just stating very clearly that there's stuff that influences me day to day that I'm probably not even consciously aware of and just accepted as part of life.
First dream, well the memorable part anyway. I'm in this dimly lit tank of murky water. I'm swimming around the visible part. But there's a darker part where I can't see. And I hear a voice telling me to go into the depths. But it's terrifying. Like you know the darkest parts of the ocean where you have no idea what lives there? That kind of stuff. All I can tell is I feel trapped and suffocating in this dimly lit part and want out. But I'm too afraid to go deeper. I mean the meaning is pretty damn obvious. That dimly lit part is my comfort zone and the dark depths is the unknown, the parts I have to face to make my life better. The thing is in this dream it's not like the dark depths was a guaranteed way out, I couldn't see what was on the other side. Normally this is what I feel every day, but consciously I tell myself there are better things out there and I have to push myself. But this dream captured the really raw fear in my subconscious. The part I constantly try to override with my conscious mind in day to day life.
Second dream. Weird one, but whatever. Water again, no idea what the water theme is here. But it was like a really large pool. Everyone is hanging out having a good time. I try to join them, but don't fit in. Say screw it, swim to the edge of the pool and get out. Just completely alone. Then I see some girl and she tells me I'm a terrible person. Don't get angry at her. Just start saying I know I'm a fuck up, everything I try ends in failure, I don't expect people to like me, I've never fit in, and if I'm cold and detached from people it's because I don't know how to connect. All said pretty much with tears in my eyes. She gets more understanding and apologizes to me, gives me a hug.
With this dream, I don't know. I think there are parts of me I don't acknowledge. Parts I try to keep hidden because I don't want to seem like I'm wallowing in self pity. Like I think I'm more emotionally healed than I actually am, I convince myself that these deep wounds don't effect me or I've somehow transcended them but they just lurk beneath the surface outside of my conscious awareness. It's like at one point I split off into two separate halves. This really emotionally hurt person, my core self, split off into this side of me that's productive and gets stuff done but is a shell of a person. Autonomous, but not really embodying a part of myself. I don't think I'm broken as a person anymore. But I do think there's a part of me that's never healed or grown. And some people may say I'm overthinking all this. But what I've learned is people are complex. Some people have easy lives, things line up for them, and life is all about just doing what they want. But my entire life I've had to figure out how to navigate the labyrinth of my mind because I was given challenges that it seemed like nobody else around me faced. Where all of it came from, I have no clue.
Last dream. Aliens. I was running around a house with someone else. Then the aliens would put stuff outside. Like my dog that wanted to get in or another person. But I'd watch through the glass and feel like it was a trap. The other person was telling me we need to go out there. And I told him no. They create these illusions to lure you out and you have to check inside first to make sure it's not a duplicate. I think this was my brains interpretation of the subliminal trying to bypass resistance. Coming up with clever tactics, but my mind still perceives it as a threat and doesn't fall for them. I don't believe the aliens were hostile in my dream. But it was mixed emotions. A part of me felt like they could help me, but another part of me was fearful that the helpful demeanor was a trick to lull me in to a false sense of security and do whatever they wanted with me.
So that was a lot of emotionally heavy stuff. To be honest I don't know anymore where I stand with all this. I thought I knew, but clearly I don't. I've got some issues and not saying that in a negative way or putting myself down, just stating very clearly that there's stuff that influences me day to day that I'm probably not even consciously aware of and just accepted as part of life.
