04-28-2017, 07:25 AM
Now I'm officially on stage 6 of alpha. Lately I've been noticing I make my own decisions more without feeling the need to get validation from others. This is actually a huge step for me for two reasons. One, I'm trusting my intuition more and it's growing stronger. Two, I no longer feel guilty when I trust that intuition over the advice of others. One thing I've learned is a lot of the time people present the world to you through their belief system. If you aren't strong enough or confident enough to say "no that's YOUR belief system, not mine" it rubs off on you and you slowly internalize it. There's a lot of crap I've internalized over the years that's made me feel this sort of panicked feeling, like I need to do the right thing instead of just doing what I want.
Also taking on less responsibility at work when it's not my fault. Like the other night nobody was in the store to clean it up during the day. So my manager tells me we need to get this store really clean. Normally I'd be all nervous and anxious to get it done, burn myself out, feel like crap. But last night I was like screw this, I'm going to work at a healthy pace and if enough stuff doesn't get done it's not my fault. I'm not here to pick up the slack because we don't have enough workers. That's this store's problem, not mine. I'm looking out for myself from now on. I'm not even angry anymore about it. I just stopped putting ridiculous demands on myself and worrying about getting fired if I don't do a good enough job. This is the kind of crap that eats away at you if it goes unchecked. I feel like AM6 is definitely helping me detach from these unhealthy stressors.
Also taking on less responsibility at work when it's not my fault. Like the other night nobody was in the store to clean it up during the day. So my manager tells me we need to get this store really clean. Normally I'd be all nervous and anxious to get it done, burn myself out, feel like crap. But last night I was like screw this, I'm going to work at a healthy pace and if enough stuff doesn't get done it's not my fault. I'm not here to pick up the slack because we don't have enough workers. That's this store's problem, not mine. I'm looking out for myself from now on. I'm not even angry anymore about it. I just stopped putting ridiculous demands on myself and worrying about getting fired if I don't do a good enough job. This is the kind of crap that eats away at you if it goes unchecked. I feel like AM6 is definitely helping me detach from these unhealthy stressors.
