03-26-2017, 09:33 AM
I don't think I was ready for AM6. I've been thinking about all the struggles I've been facing and how to solve all the problems out there. But my biggest problem is really within myself. My own self worth and love for myself is abysmal. All my thoughts about people not liking me or fearing rejection are just projections of my own lack of self worth. This isn't resistance, this has been an ongoing issue in my life. It's one of the reasons I gravitated towards self improvement. I thought if I became confident enough other people would like me more and I would like myself.
I honestly don't get how people can love themselves and I don't think standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself you do is going to change much. I've made progress because I used to hate myself. Now it's more of a feeling of not being good enough rather than intense hatred. But it's like this one nagging feeling in the back of my head. It makes me closed off to relationships and accepting love from people. It's this feeling of being with people but holding back around them. Only able to express myself in anonymity or in certain moments with the right people. I doubt a lot of my capabilities as well, mostly because any career involves interaction with people and putting on a performance is draining as hell. Like I said though, it stems from my own lack of self worth and trying to portray myself in the most positive way. Ultimately it makes me feel horribly disconnected and alone despite being around people who love me.
As a jumping off point for beginning AM6 I feel like maybe I wasn't as emotionally healthy as most guys. I don't know what is a good starting point for running AM6 or the extent it can help people that are starting from similar circumstances as myself. But I think after Am6 I'm definitely going back to E2. I need a more direct focused approach to clear out some of these issues then attempt AM6 again.
I honestly don't get how people can love themselves and I don't think standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself you do is going to change much. I've made progress because I used to hate myself. Now it's more of a feeling of not being good enough rather than intense hatred. But it's like this one nagging feeling in the back of my head. It makes me closed off to relationships and accepting love from people. It's this feeling of being with people but holding back around them. Only able to express myself in anonymity or in certain moments with the right people. I doubt a lot of my capabilities as well, mostly because any career involves interaction with people and putting on a performance is draining as hell. Like I said though, it stems from my own lack of self worth and trying to portray myself in the most positive way. Ultimately it makes me feel horribly disconnected and alone despite being around people who love me.
As a jumping off point for beginning AM6 I feel like maybe I wasn't as emotionally healthy as most guys. I don't know what is a good starting point for running AM6 or the extent it can help people that are starting from similar circumstances as myself. But I think after Am6 I'm definitely going back to E2. I need a more direct focused approach to clear out some of these issues then attempt AM6 again.
