03-22-2017, 08:09 AM
Feels like I took a serious nosedive in terms of mood these past few weeks. I can't tell if I'm healing past stuff that's coming up or if it's more resistance to change and I'm falling back into my depressive moods. Either way I notice myself avoiding what needs to be done in my life and it's not good. Mundane every day tasks have become difficult, so I don't do those and when I don't do them I feel worse about not doing them. It's a viscous cycle. Seems like every day has turned into I'll do it when I feel better tomorrow. But tomorrow never seems to come so I just procrastinate on everything.
The solution seems to be just do the things I need to do. But it's easier said than done. It feels like I'm battling with my brain every step of the way and it's exhausting. Just went grocery shopping today and even that was a pain in the ass. And the anxiety about doing things is out of control. I have to make a phone call to the IRS to confirm my account info to get my tax refund and I've been putting that off. Which is stupid, I don't get it. I've always had phone anxiety, it's the dumbest thing in the world. It's stupid little stuff like this that bothers me the most. It feels like someone threw my brain into a blender and just emptied the contents on a countertop, I am not on top of ANYTHING.
Thinking things over before I started running AM6 I hadn't run AM in about two years. So more than likely I'm going to need another run. So I'm probably going to run E2 again when I'm done with AM6. Then once my life gets on track a bit more I'll run AM6 again. As of right now I don't think another run right after this one would help move me forward in life. I can hold off on being alpha for a bit, right now my primary concern is just being able to survive on my own and make the most of life.
That being said. Stage 4 ends today and stage 5 begins.
The solution seems to be just do the things I need to do. But it's easier said than done. It feels like I'm battling with my brain every step of the way and it's exhausting. Just went grocery shopping today and even that was a pain in the ass. And the anxiety about doing things is out of control. I have to make a phone call to the IRS to confirm my account info to get my tax refund and I've been putting that off. Which is stupid, I don't get it. I've always had phone anxiety, it's the dumbest thing in the world. It's stupid little stuff like this that bothers me the most. It feels like someone threw my brain into a blender and just emptied the contents on a countertop, I am not on top of ANYTHING.
Thinking things over before I started running AM6 I hadn't run AM in about two years. So more than likely I'm going to need another run. So I'm probably going to run E2 again when I'm done with AM6. Then once my life gets on track a bit more I'll run AM6 again. As of right now I don't think another run right after this one would help move me forward in life. I can hold off on being alpha for a bit, right now my primary concern is just being able to survive on my own and make the most of life.
That being said. Stage 4 ends today and stage 5 begins.
