03-11-2017, 10:42 AM
I guess that realization spurred on another insight. Emotional healing can be done in a near painless manner if you let it. My problem is and always has been thinking you need to fully immerse yourself in the pain to heal. I wasn't doing anything but re-traumatizing myself with past depression and anxiety instead of just letting it go. And I think in some ways I still identify very strongly with those emotions and think I'm being inauthentic if I don't feel them anymore. Yeah it's weird. In a lot of ways I'm an emotional hoarder. I think this has been what's been holding me back the most. It's not necessarily a fear of what's in my future that I'm moving towards, rather an irrational fear of letting parts of myself go. And I think it's tied to my memories. A lot of the negative emotions I experience, though cause me great distress and pain, are linked to happier memories with friends and family. In some highly irrational fashion, I feel like letting go of those negative parts of myself is like erasing my past and like it never happened.
