02-23-2017, 07:38 AM
I think I'm just going to stop assuming certain stages will be smoother than others and go with whatever happens. Not as much relief in stage 4 as I anticipated.
That being said, I'm learning to remain more calm and observant of my emotions instead of being sucked into them lately. This is different than the dissociated feeling though. When I dissociate, I don't really feel much of anything and it's like I'm hiding from whatever it is that's bothering me. Now it's more like staying calm and relaxed and facing things. Still a lot coming to the surface that I thought I was done with.
It feels like I have these moments where I lose myself. I get wrapped up in financial worry and stress about finding a job and benefits and blah blah blah. All that survival fear based shit. It throws me off track. I used to think I needed to change or become someone who fits in more. But now I realize what I really need is just the confidence to do my own thing and follow my own path. The lifestyle I was taught to follow growing up isn't me and I'm done feeling like a failure because I don't fit into that framework.
But realistically speaking, no I don't exactly have my shit together. But a lot of this journey has been about finding myself again so I can be happy. Not achieve some outward goal that's deemed "successful" but makes me feel dead inside.
That being said, I'm learning to remain more calm and observant of my emotions instead of being sucked into them lately. This is different than the dissociated feeling though. When I dissociate, I don't really feel much of anything and it's like I'm hiding from whatever it is that's bothering me. Now it's more like staying calm and relaxed and facing things. Still a lot coming to the surface that I thought I was done with.
It feels like I have these moments where I lose myself. I get wrapped up in financial worry and stress about finding a job and benefits and blah blah blah. All that survival fear based shit. It throws me off track. I used to think I needed to change or become someone who fits in more. But now I realize what I really need is just the confidence to do my own thing and follow my own path. The lifestyle I was taught to follow growing up isn't me and I'm done feeling like a failure because I don't fit into that framework.
But realistically speaking, no I don't exactly have my shit together. But a lot of this journey has been about finding myself again so I can be happy. Not achieve some outward goal that's deemed "successful" but makes me feel dead inside.
