10-17-2016, 07:47 PM
So the last couple of days have been kinda interesting and insightful. I've kinda gotten a fresh take at life and I'm learning more about myself as time goes by. For one thing I didn't know how much my past experiences were holding me back, for instance growing up I was teased a lot for being "different". I interpreted that as being this average joe with half ass looks and still get girls. I guess guys were jealous and wanted to tear this emperor because it went against everything they knew to be true or their reality. So as I grew up I became more introverted and started to care about what people thought about me which I realize is dumb but that was something that was subconsciously running in my head. I didn't realize that I was subconsciously sabotaging myself. From my past to now, everything that I've taken action on has been the result of my past and because of that I've missed out on some great times in life. I remember watching a RSD Motivational video and they were talking about how society or the wolves gives the script to the sheep that are then eaten by the wolves or something like that. Then I realized that society has us running on a script and until we can think for ourselves then we are stuck on this endless loop. Like I missed out on some of the hottest girls in school because I didn't think I was "their" type or not good enough. Or in work where I worked half as jobs and didn't pursue a career sooner because I wasn't comfortable or afraid of failure. I've also had memories of things that I did as a kid that now I look at and say jeez I was really stupid back then. It also sucks because I can see where I used to be and I am now and if I had only not gave a f--- about what people thought about me then I would be a different man with different problems lol....like which hot girl I wanna go out tonight jk lol. I actually feel like I'm conscious after being unconscious for so many years. I feel like many of my decisions have been made due to fear and because of that my quality of life has been greatly decreased. I know a lot of people here have been talking about having that feeling of bliss like when you were young and life was amazing with no worries, no emotional baggage etc..I think you guys call it Day one. My day one actually was in 6th grade, I don't know why but life was amazing, to be honest I can't point to one thing and say that one thing made me feel a certain way. I was just in chill mode and I was flowing through life. Girls were like obsessed with me but I didn't realize that because I was young and I thought all girls were like that. Then day one came crashing down my eighth grade year. Guys got jealous of me getting girls( mainly my "so called friend") who spread rumors about me. He would degrade me and make me feel insecure in front of girls. But I now I realize f--- what people think, I can't believe at one time in my life I actually cared.