10-20-2021, 01:51 PM
(This post was last modified: 10-20-2021, 01:52 PM by SaltyMeatballs.)
@ncbeareatingman Thanks brother. That put a smile on my face 
|
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
Posts: 4,195
Threads: 68 Joined: Mar 2010
10-20-2021, 02:58 PM
(10-20-2021, 01:51 PM)SaltyMeatballs Wrote: @ncbeareatingman Thanks brother. That put a smile on my face Right on,Man!! Stay groovy and remember as corny as some may think it, you are Loveable,Valaube and Unique!! catch cha on the re-bound. Laters alley gator ! :-) Keith
Sherlock-your're an amazing fellow,Watson.Though You,yourself,not luminescent, you're an amazing conductor of Light"/"Loving You ,Heals Me"-an-NDE'er.""Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting."-Trust is abouve ALL else!!"Money,does NOT change people,it ONLY reveals them!"
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-21-2021, 12:22 AM
Day 22/180 | Rest 3/3
I had a dream that I was in special forces training (the British SAS). There was a girl there who did not like or appreciate my presence. This made me feel rather uncomfortable because disapproval is painful. For as long as I can remember, I have always tried to avoid disapproval. I was afraid of revealing my authentic self. How liberating would it be to drop the people-pleasing tendencies? This role that I play to fit in is tiresome and difficult to maintain.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-22-2021, 12:45 AM
Day 23/180 | Rest
So I prepared a playlist of 2 loops before going to sleep last night. I woke up in the morning and noticed that the playlist didnt' even start. Perhaps it was the "do not disturb" mode which caused this. Despite this, an additional days of rest is well needed. I had a dream where I helped a friend win $1 billion in the lottery. He didn't seems too excited, just continued going about his day as if nothing happened lol. I thought to myself, atleast give me $1 mill you selfish bastard.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-23-2021, 03:10 AM
Day 24 - 2 loops
I'll admit it. There is so much that I'm afraid of but one thing that plagues me the most is dissapproval or being portrayed as weird. This is partly due to challenges I faced as a kid when I moved to another country. I was forced to adapt to a very foreign environment and developed coping mechanisms which are still with me today. A coping mechanism that I use often is suppressing my true thoughts and feelings. I hide my authenticity because of the risk of being dissliked. Because of this I find it really hard to socialise and be expressive and spontaneous in my interactions. How liberating would it be to just let go of that fear completely?
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-24-2021, 01:47 AM
Day 25 - 2 loops
We are put onto this earth and forced to figure our lives out but the only person that can do that is you. Life is a big giant maze. Maan, what a predicament we all face. Figuring this out is not easy... I feel stuck right now. There are so many things I could do but how do I know that what I choose to do is the correct thing. I remember when I ran LTU5, 6 months in I got completely lost in learning and developing my skills in programming. I had tunnel vision and thats all I could think about doing. It was extremely satisfying and I was in a constant flow state. I really miss. Right now I dont really have a vision or goal. I feel like a leaf being blown in all directions.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-25-2021, 12:35 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-25-2021, 12:36 AM by SaltyMeatballs.)
Day 26 - Rest
In the last few day's I have noticed the following:
- Mild to moderate depression;
- Sleep disturbances (especially last night);
- Lack of motivation and struggle with getting out of bed;
- Anger, rage, and frustration;
- Complacency and laziness.
In addition, I have observed that my mind is overly biased towards the negative. I am slipping back into a victim role and taking things for granted.
I do not think that the above is all sub-related. Most likely, it is due to me getting less sleep on average. What's unusual, however, is the frequency and the amount of self-sabotaging behaviors and thoughts I have experienced in the last week or so. It is becoming clear to me that the stubborn mind is resisting change. It wants to stay exactly where it is. The paradox of change is that we all want to change but the mind doesn't.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-26-2021, 12:04 AM
Day 27 - Rest 2/3
After all that, my mind has finally calmed down. What helped me release a lot of emotions (including fear) lately is holotropic breathing. I did 45 minutes on Sunday and 1 hour this morning. I am much more grounded and present.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-26-2021, 01:10 PM
I've noticed that I'm procrastinating more than usual. I lack clarity and vision. This simply wasn't the case with LTU5. I had incredible success on LTU5 and I knew exactly what I wanted and I achieved it. However, I couldn't handle LTU6 which is why I'm running OF for 6 months. I'm going to be running LTU6 again for 1 year I really hope that I'll be better equiped to handle fear and resistance.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-27-2021, 12:10 AM
(This post was last modified: 10-27-2021, 12:11 AM by SaltyMeatballs.)
Day 28 - Rest 3/3
I woke up feeling tired and slightly fatigued. I took a cold shower a began to feel better. I must work on my sleep scheduling because even an hour or less sleep is causing problems. I'm still kinda down and unmotivated... Need some good vibes and inspiration.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-28-2021, 02:21 AM
Day 29 - 3 loops
I played 3 loops last night (Ultrasonic FLAC format) on the Pixel 5 smartphone at 70-80% volume. I woke up this morning feeling "light and easy" - A bit like the afterglow effect you may get after having weed or acid. Optimism and hope have returned. I feel more grounded. I have made a conscious decision to practice flowing with life and listening to my intuition more. I realize that I am always too much in my head. I waste energy by overanalyzing, manipulating, and resisting what is. What I need to develop is more presence and engagement with life.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-29-2021, 12:51 AM
Day 30/180 - 3 loops
I am struggling with motivation and defining a concrete vision for my life. Perhaps, a vision board would help me. I have a vague idea of where I want my life to be but I don't know what steps I need to take to get there. Logic and reason is not enough for me to get out of bed. I need to FEEL inspired and emotionally ENGAGED.
Posts: 78
Threads: 6 Joined: May 2020
10-30-2021, 11:48 PM
(10-29-2021, 12:51 AM)SaltyMeatballs Wrote: Day 30/180 - 3 loops I have same issues with motivation after switching to OFv3. As time goes by, the path will be clear and i gain some motivational without attaching it with fear or other negative emotions to make me move.
Posts: 296
Threads: 8 Joined: Dec 2018
10-31-2021, 11:46 AM
Day 32 - REST 2/3
I am here now in lovely Georgia working remotely from a sea facing high-rise. I really needed a break from that mind numbing daily routine back at home. I am not trying to run away from my problems. After all, "wherever you go, there you are". Having said that, I am extremely grateful that I can live here cheaply and explore. Actually, I am more interested in the mental shifts and changea in my emotions rather than the environment itself. It gives me great satisfaction to observe the mind when external variables are changed. As an example, I noticed that as soon as I left my home country, naturally the mind shifted it's attention outward. Most likely, this is a survival strategy intended to keep me safe from potential dangers Accompanying this outward projection are new and creative thought patterns and ideas. A feeling of novelty and a certain level of excitement. The work that I do is suddenly filled with more energy and enthusiasm. It gives me great relief to step outside the usual and mundane routine that I got so accustomed to. |
|
|
