Super Fluff - Journal

[Fluffy]

I have just downloaded US/LM and I am going to use it when I go to bed soon. I am going to start with 7 loops a night, hybrid.

To be honest my main goal first is to get a job to earn some money for myself, I am not asking for much It's a good place to start.

I will use this journal to track my personal experience, to prevent the possibility of me filling up Shannon's journal discussion thread.

I wish everyone else on this journey much success, joy and amazing good luck!

[THolt]

I have just downloaded US/LM and I am going to use it when I go to bed soon. I am going to start with 7 loops a night, hybrid.

To be honest my main goal first is to get a job to earn some money for myself, I am not asking for much It's a good place to start.

I will use this journal to track my personal experience, to prevent the possibility of me filling up Shannon's journal discussion thread.

I wish everyone else on this journey much success, joy and amazing good luck!

Good luck on your run.

Why not start with one loop and then go to 7 if you have resistance?

[Benjamin]

Watching this as one reason I want to use it is around money. But it might be a little bit before i'm able to.

[Fluffy]

I ain't got time to wait to see if I have resistance on one loop lol. Anyway after 7 loops last night, today I feel pretty tired, an after breakfast nap turned into a 4 hour sleep

I feel this will improve once my brain gets use to the input.

[Fluffy]

So I was bored and actually started looking for part time jobs online, I can see why I have put this off, as they all suck and confirms why I have not had a job for a long time because I have had a thing about doing things I don't like or want to do.

I am doing my best to come at it as just something to fill my time up doing something productive and earning my own money, so I can continue some hobbies and eat etc.

I gotta do an evening class in English, for 10 months, so I can get onto this other course which I will have to do for another year, so I can then meet the requirements to do a degree.

I have ideas what I would like to do degree wise but they shift sometimes. So I won't plan too far ahead as I never know what change by then.

It's challenging sometimes because I am 30 years old and I have lots of things I dislike that is normal for society, so when it comes to average jobs I will have to put up with things I don't like, like pretending to want to be of service to customers, or actually caring about people lol.

I don't know I will see what unfolds, I enjoy Krav Maga, Strength Training but I enjoy them only as hobbies me thinks. I did enjoy my experiences with the plant medicine Aya back in 2014, that was the last time I actually felt I met people on similar wave length, I have changed alot since then though. I live in England, so I had to go all the way to Peru and live pretty much in the jungle for two months, it was pretty awesome but it will cost thousands to go back there. I was contemplating it 5 months ago but was in a relationship so there was friction about going.

Anyway, I went to Miami to do a cocktail bartending course recently, It was meant to be for 4 weeks I came back home after two weeks, I felt it was not for me.

When I was 17 years old I wanted to go into the parachute regiment but failed because of medical history for something around age 6. I then applied for Royal Marines but failed the psychometric test, around maths....I would not of gotten in because of my medical history anyway, Army/Royal Navy had pretty much same medical requirements.

I am glad I did not get in now anyway, as I see things, life, reality very different now for quite a few years. So it was a blessing in disguise. I actually feel certain paths are blocked of in life so you do not go down that path, as it is not your theme in this life.

Anyway I did try the police a few years later but it was for volunteer but it did not get in for some strange reason to do with a tattoo, which looking back now was just a glitch in reality as it makes no sense but oh well.

Then when age 21 I applied for Prison Officer but did not get the grade for roles plays and maths.pretty glad I did not.

I have worked in a few supermarkets, but most of my jobs have been for my father's business within construction. I have ended up quitting all jobs as I ended up disliking it and feeling depressed.

I have dropped out of college 4 times previously, not university, I have never done a degree, but I do want to now.

I did amateur boxing from age 14 to age 19, had to stop because my shoulder kept dislocating. I only a few months ago had the surgery I should of had all them years ago, glad I finally got it done and now it has pretty much healed up from the surgery, at least I can fulfill my potential in Krav now.

So yeah I know the time stamps are all over the place, just want to put some of it out there. You can kinda see where I am coming from, I haven't had a job for 2 years, my father has been giving me money to get by, I live at home with my parents, I had to wait a year for my surgery date, I thought it was going to happen at any moment.

I just want to be able to stand on my own two feet. My dream is to own my own house and have a career or business that I enjoy and/or makes me feel alive!

I appreciate my parents and where I live as it is very nice and I am fortunate to have the parents I have and the up bringing I have had and grow up in the house I have, I am really thankful.

I just want to create my own unique Fluffy life, as I feel that I owe that to myself as a now 30 year old man.

[Zane]

Keep us update buddy.. I real wanna know how this sub turns out to be.

[Fluffy]

Will do man.

Been using cozy phones, but I am not that confident they are ideal. One, the audio is more there when I press the speakers nearer to ear. So if I sleep on my side I get one side louder than the other. Also my IPod nano battery has been running out before the 7 loops have been completed, which is really strange as it has never done this before.

Anyway, gonna switch to speakers using my docking station tonight. At least the volume will be even, even though I won't have left ear/right ear stereo effect, I am pretty sure it will be better, easier and more productive!

[Fluffy]

Well its too early to say me thinks but after my last post I had thoughts about a course I did back in March and I basically only need to apply and get a licence for it and then I can work in that industry, so basically I am going to the post office soon to pay/send of the application for the licence. (Me taking more money from my father eats me up inside, but I am hoping this sub can help me change all this around!).

I will then have the challenge of looking, finding and applying for jobs and actually going to an interview. Which at this moment feels doable, what comes to mind is that it has been many years since I had a job interview. I am going to go with the flow and do this bit by bit and just do what I can do at each stage.

I have been wanting to reconnect with my Ex girlfriend for many months now but she did not want to reconnect with me because I hurt her feelings. Even though we spoke on Whatsapp here and there, she said she could never trust me again to get back with me.

Before I started listening to this sub, I tried one last time with still the same response. I then decided to let her go and deleted her number, all her messages, so I could not message her again. She sent a few messages saying sorry, I read them and deleted them, so to just move on.

I think I started listening to his sub, pretty much after that and yesterday I had a missed call from her and a few messages, one deleted message on whatapp too.

I saw this missed call and called her back, and she said she basically wanted to see how I am doing....

Well, we spoke for a few hours and I said I wanted to see her again and basically she said she will think about us meeting up with each other again.

Now whatever happens, happens. I am just writing this down to see how things develop with things that I actually want because I have an image of how I want my life to be and I want to see if this sub helps me full-fill that image that I have.

[Fluffy]

So I went to the post office this morning and the digital service that they use to put my application through was unavailable, they said try again later. So I planned to go later in the day about 3:30 pm ish.

Before that happens though, I was just at home watching some Seinfeld and I noticed on my phone I had a missed call about 14:30pm and it was a missed call from the guy that taught the course back in March. So I thought what is the coincidence of that.

Anyway, after I finished the episode I was on I returned the call and he asked if I had got my licence yet, anyway the company he works for only likes to hire people he taught. He basically asked what I am looking for ...full-time, part-time, temp, perm etc and said I should fill out a job application online but in the mean time he will put me down for work "anytime" and I might get a calls about doing non contract jobs to start with. He said its best to fill out an online job application, so we know what you are looking for and we would prefer contracts with set days.

So yeah this was quite the "Coincidence". I am not going to make any judgements or get excited or anything, I still have a way to go before I can say I am getting somewhere.....time will tell!

[Zane]

Just go with the flow and don't think too much.. If opportunities present themselves then take it.

[Fluffy]

Yeah I should of been aware of when I first start a new sub, I feel different for the first week because it's new and have positive expectations etc.

Feeling a bit different now, not as hopeful in this helping as I was.

Proof will be in the pudding right.

I am just going to forget about it and I will update this time next month to give it time to start to kick in.

PEACE

[Fluffy]

I am feeling a bit down, it is more of an effort to do what I was doing before, even just having a shower in the morning I feel like "arrrghhh I got to have a shower first"... kind of annoyed feeling. I have made myself do things, but I did miss my strength training session yesterday, but I have kinda convinced myself that it is ok because I pulled a muscle in my back and I did want to ease into certain type of training so i don't burn out.

I been having thoughts that I don't actually want to work, which are really hard to argue with, or convince otherwise because I do understand why lol. I seriously don't know if it is just the work I am thinking of doing in that particular moment that makes me feel that way though, but then I do my best to think different and try to think of positive reasons why it is good to work, for example be able to earn my own money, feel more self sufficient.

If I got a full-time job there is a possibility that I could move out of my parents house and rent a place of my own. There is negatives to that though, like having to work full-time, giving money to a landlord just for a temporary bit of space. The positives.... I would have the peace of mind of living in my own space and I could bring girlfriends around without them having to meet my parents every time. I would feel like I am living in my own life instead of living in my parents life.

The negatives of working full-time is that I might feel trapped, and end up feeling depressed of slaving away doing something I don't want to do.

The positives of working part-time are that I will have balance of working and free time, Ill still be earning money to feel self sufficient, whilst I could be working on something in my spare time that would be more interesting, and have more time to study. But will mean I wont be able to move out.


I have even been questioning my hobbies like Krav and asking is the monthly money worth spending on this? I just don't want to wast money and would rather spending money productively, preferably to make more money. I do enjoy Krav and it does get me out of the house and make me happy in multiple ways though, its the only thing I have that actually makes me happy. I am hard to please, I am not easily excited, I have high standards, strict preferences.

Most of my life I have been searching for something that gets my juices flowing, but without success.

You know last year, I went sky diving and I heard it was meant to give you a "buzz" and it is meant to be something that gets your adrenaline going...blah blah blah.

I thought it was boring, it did not give me a buzz, I did nothing for me! I saw people landing all ecstatic, I just thought they we just all over the top and easily pleased.

I am just expressing my can of knotted, twisted worms. Things are not as simple as just getting a job and that is it. There are consequences to every action I take and I would rather have a different result than the ones of the past.

What makes it more challenging is that I have lived and been brought up in a very nice place, so this is my default standard of living....when I go out I have to start at the bottom, which is very weird when your standard default is not at the bottom. You know compared to someone starting at the bottom ( upbringing, parents house etc) and then moving out and then.....moving up! this way is a natural progression! If anything there "bottom" made them want the "higher" even more which lead to there success.

My parents told me a while ago, they built this empire for all of us to enjoy, I said to them...this is your empire, not mine. This will always be yours and I am in your empire not mine, I do not have an empire, I have nothing. They never saw it like that and my mother said it must be hard for you to go from all this to then going "out there" and starting at the bottom.

I was like yeah, you think.

Obviously my parents did what they did and I have accepted that and I wouldn't change my upbringing or anything as I wouldn't be who I am now. But I have always thought, if only they had in mind to make there kids independent and to urge them to create their own individual empires, instead of building an empire for them to share.

I don't know if it is worse with me because of my personality type, but I don't want to be like anyone else, I don't want to share, I want my own unique design, otherwise what is the point of being a individual human being in this life in the first place.


Anyway I am alright, just got to vent this stuff out, because this is the kind of stuff this subliminal has got to work though for me to Succeed.


Oh by the way, 7 loops is really heavy on my mind, but it is not one of those I can "sleep off", even though I would love to. I have tried napping but can't sleep.

I sleep fine at night though when I listen. The ones that are sticking with one loop are lucky before they even start! lol.

[Zane]

Most of the things u said to resonate with me. Infact I also live with my parents and I am already gonna be 27 in few days.

That feeling that u get that it ur parents empire and not mine.. Well I feel that too and I also think that doing a full-time job will be like a mental slavery and it won't always be fun and u would be tied to 9-5 job.

But I do think that if I can start my own business alongside doing my job then I won't feel trapped cause then I will know that if I keep invest few hours in my business then surely I won't have to work in a job my whole life... Tbh I just view doing job as a temporary thing.. Just a like a back up plan..

Sometimes I think I am being lazy or procrastinating but whatever it is I wanna build my own empire.

If we keep thinking that we r gonna for 9-5 whole life then it's gonna stress me out..

Thanks to subs I am much more better emotionally than I was a year ago.

Just keep improving urself and u will find success. Looking forward to ur journey.

[Vincent_Vega]

Interesting posts. Keep reporting, Fluffy!