03-23-2018, 07:13 AM
Stage 2 Day 10
Interesting day. Remade my POF profile better then before. I'm enjoying the process of messaging girls.
Went to the gym again. Did my core and neck workout. Felt a bit self conscious, as I haven't worked out there in a long time. Wore a shirt that was tight af. There was one girl on a ski machine. She was with her partner and I didn't notice any looks.
Headed to the Sauna afterwards. Had a really good conversation with the men in there. Zero anxiety. In fact I kind of became the centre of attention at some points.
Then a beautiful girl came in past the Sauna and like clockwork all of the guys in there went quiet and followed her with their eyes. Haha. She later came in and I started feeling nervous again, but remained relaxed. Ended up exiting to get a shower, was getting way too hot. Should of got back into the sauna, but went into the steam room instead. Wondered if she might join me. Didn't happen. Never mind.
Once I got home and begun meditating instead of following my breath I decided to have a conversation with myself. I asked my subconscious why I'm getting nervous around beautiful women. I have some idea intellectually, but just asking that question along with affirmations caused me to tear up. Something is buried within me, and I need to let it out. I'm thinking crying is trauma release, so the more I cry the better. What I did notice is a lot of sadness within me. Other guys seem to have anger but mine is sadness.
As for the dreams: I woke up early due to dehydration from a late lunch. Up to that point I hadn't had a dreams which was kind of disappointing for me, haha. I love analyzing them. Went back to bed later and got my wish. The one I remember most was me being in a family friends house for some kind of event.
Long story short I stormed out as I felt everyone was against me. Some family friend tried to get me to come back but I just punched him to the floor. I guess this is me resisting the AM6 script?
Interesting day. Remade my POF profile better then before. I'm enjoying the process of messaging girls.
Went to the gym again. Did my core and neck workout. Felt a bit self conscious, as I haven't worked out there in a long time. Wore a shirt that was tight af. There was one girl on a ski machine. She was with her partner and I didn't notice any looks.
Headed to the Sauna afterwards. Had a really good conversation with the men in there. Zero anxiety. In fact I kind of became the centre of attention at some points.
Then a beautiful girl came in past the Sauna and like clockwork all of the guys in there went quiet and followed her with their eyes. Haha. She later came in and I started feeling nervous again, but remained relaxed. Ended up exiting to get a shower, was getting way too hot. Should of got back into the sauna, but went into the steam room instead. Wondered if she might join me. Didn't happen. Never mind.
Once I got home and begun meditating instead of following my breath I decided to have a conversation with myself. I asked my subconscious why I'm getting nervous around beautiful women. I have some idea intellectually, but just asking that question along with affirmations caused me to tear up. Something is buried within me, and I need to let it out. I'm thinking crying is trauma release, so the more I cry the better. What I did notice is a lot of sadness within me. Other guys seem to have anger but mine is sadness.
As for the dreams: I woke up early due to dehydration from a late lunch. Up to that point I hadn't had a dreams which was kind of disappointing for me, haha. I love analyzing them. Went back to bed later and got my wish. The one I remember most was me being in a family friends house for some kind of event.
Long story short I stormed out as I felt everyone was against me. Some family friend tried to get me to come back but I just punched him to the floor. I guess this is me resisting the AM6 script?
ISTP // SLI 5w6
E2 (6m)> DMSI (3m)> LTU5 (6m)> DMSI (2m)> LTU5 (6m)> OF1/2/3 (1y)> MLS4 (4m)> E5 (3m)> OF4 (6m)> OGSF (4m)> DMSI (2m)> OGSF2 (3m)> E6 (current)
E2 (6m)> DMSI (3m)> LTU5 (6m)> DMSI (2m)> LTU5 (6m)> OF1/2/3 (1y)> MLS4 (4m)> E5 (3m)> OF4 (6m)> OGSF (4m)> DMSI (2m)> OGSF2 (3m)> E6 (current)