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Title: Shannon's UMS Journal
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#1
I started this program on the 11th, which was the first day I had a chance to do so.

During my first loop, I felt some fullness in my head, as others have experienced, and there was a point at which I felt a short euphoria after I thought about being wealthy.  For the most part, my journey through that first loop was uneventful.

Then the bloom started.

During the next hour, I felt a strange energy that was hard to define, and as it grew, I started to recognize it like a thing coming out of a dense fog in the distance.  The first thing I recognized was, "This is the effects of adrenaline!"  This got me to thinking about why I would be having an adrenaline rush (which is very uncomfortable for me, by the way; too much and I start getting the symptoms of being poisoned).  Then, as if the adrenaline was a dark mass coming into view through the fog of war, I had a realization ride through that fog at a distance, but with clarity: it was not just adrenaline, some subconscious part of me was feeling sheer terror!

But this was unlike any terror I had ever felt before.  It was distant, diffused, and only barely recognizable.  The FRM was doing it's job in helping me be safe from it.  It was something I could experience, without being "in and of it".  I recognized what it was, but it did not control me, affect my conscious decision making, or significantly influence my conscious self.  It was then that a single lone thought in a frightened voice drifted up from below: "No, please don't make me do this!"

I replied to this thought immediately, determinedly and automatically.  "We are doing this, and unlimited success and wealth are what we are going to have."

There was nothing more from whatever part of me said that.  It took a grand total of 45 minutes from when I noted the adrenaline to when I realized that the terror was simply gone.  Whatever part of me that was had been overwhelmed and assimilated.  I was significantly impressed.

The rest of the day didn't really give me much to go on.  I could feel that a lot was going on under the hood, but it wasn't obvious what.  Just that multiple parts of me were busy subconsciously working on things and working things out.  I was deeply "in process".  But that was all.

The next day, I woke up spontaneously at 5 AM, and while I was awakening, my mind was already filled with plans for a new product that would make money, how to design it, how to build it, who to market it to, and so on.  I naturally didn't want to wake up at 5 am, so I tried (and tried hard) to go back to sleep, but my mind would not slow down or stop working this out.  At 6:06 AM, I gave up and got up, went into my office and started working on USLM 4.1.  I worked on that until at 9:33 AM, gf woke up and we went to breakfast.  Then I came home and kept working on it.

This day, I did not feel fear, but I did feel; something familiar to me: resistance.  Some part of me was trying hard to resist.  I felt this for several hours, and the feeling increased.  I was impressed by this as well, because normally, I do not resist my own subliminals (that I know of consciously, at least).  Resistance means that I had struck a nerve, and I had created a subliminal that was so powerful that those parts of me that had managed to hide from being affected so far were now being challenged.  I somehow knew that these were the parts of me that were responsible for keeping me from my financial goals, and they were fighting hard to keep the status quo.  

Then I realized how tired I was, unusually tired.  I recognized this also: it was the exhaustion I always feel when some part of me is fighting the subliminal.  But it wasn't just that; it was also those parts of me that were executing the script doing their thing.  I could feel that they were busier than a beaver on speed.  And there was this sort of determination that I had never felt the likes of before; usually when I am determined, it's because "we need to accomplish X, and we might not otherwise".  This determination didn't have that part about "we might not otherwise".  The goal felt like it was a foregone conclusion, and we needed to get there, NOW.  It feels like my subconscious is like a locomotive, gaining steam, unstoppable, the goal in sight and no doubt at all as to achieving it, with a sort of determined necessity to getting to it.  

Pretty amazing, when I think about it.  But the funny part was, another part of me was resisting doing some of what was necessary, not because it was trying to stop me, but because the processing of other things wasn't finished yet: it felt a lot like being a race car driver in a high end race car (the kind no mere mortal could ever hope to afford) while it's on blocks at the pit stop, all the tires off, the hood open, and a team of mechanics working hard and fast on all of it at the same time.  The script was being executed, but even at top speed, there were parts of me frustrated because they had to wait for other parts of me to be finished with what they were doing (at top speed).  It was like one part of me was ready to go, sitting in this car saying, "Come on, guys, the race is on, we're losing valuable time, let's go!!!" And the team of mechanics was busy changing out the tires, rebuilding the aerodynamics, the engine, the suspension, the drive train, the brakes, the transmission and everything else, all at the same time, aware of the impatience of the driver, but un-phased by it as they worked as quickly as they could work without introducing errors.

I worked until I was too tired to keep going and then I dropped for a nap; my alarm went off in 2 hours (normally I can't fall asleep for a nap, and if I do, it never lasts more than 45 to 60 minutes) and I was still exhausted.  I tried to just go back to sleep, but GF showed up and told me she was low blood sugar, we needed to go have dinner.    

At dinner, I noted that at least one of the servers was acting strange: normally she's "just doing her job" and it feels sometimes a little bit like she just tolerates us.  This day she was all bright and cheery, happy to see us, smiling and greeting us enthusiastically.  And she wasn't even our server.  Normally on days she doesn't serve us, there's 7:1 odds that she doesn't even look at us.

We went to the beach after dinner, and it felt very nice to relax, but I wanted to get home and keep working on USLM.  When we finished walking at the beach and I got home, I immediately continued working.  A few hours later gf walks into my office and offers me sex.  To my amazement, I had to answer that I was too tired.  (That almost never happens!) I thought about it and realized that it wasn't that I didn't want to have sex, it was that the program was at the early stages of doing what it is designed to do, and it was working me so hard that I simply didn't have any energy left.  I also realized that as the program accomplishes the changes that it is designed to make to the listener subconsciously, this won't happen anymore.  Making all these changes at top speed all at once is hugely exhausting, and working this hard on top of it.  At that point, we went to bed instead.

This morning, I got up at a more reasonable time, around 8 AM when my pets normally wake me up to go outside.  Normally I let the dogs out, wait for them to come back in and then get another hour of shut-eye.  This morning, I tried that, but GF was not having it.  Instead of waking up at 9:30 or 10 AM, she was awake and complaining that I wasn't snuggling with her.  So we snuggled for a bit and then did our morning bathroom routine brushing teeth and whatnot, and went to breakfast.

This morning, our server was one who we have known for a while, and we know she likes us a lot.  Normally she gives us great service, but this morning it was on another level.  

I am beginning to wonder if maybe the auric shield on this thing (which I can definitely feel emanating from me, for the first time since doing DMSI 3.1) and the programming in this program aren't giving us a sort of presence that affects how people treat us?  Are we projecting a vibe of unlimited wealth, abundance and success and people are reacting to it?

Anyway, I am currently working on USLM 4.1, feeling no resistance.  I do feel the auric shield, and I also feel this deep sense of exhaustion, but at the same time I feel something forcing me awake.  I cannot tell you how impressed I am with the Magnus Engine v2 so far.  Great things are coming, and I am hoping that ME2 was the last major hurdle to what we need to do for 6G.  Sure, there's a LOT of work to do in mining Beast for tech still, and I almost certainly have to create and build B19. (Why didn't I just wait a couple more weeks to build it?  ARGH!)  But I feel like we are over the last major hurdle, and now it's just walking down the mountain to the valley below, where the festival of 6G is going to be held.

In short:

I feel good!

And this might help some of you.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#2
Wow! Sounds like a beast...and the race car metaphor, love it. I can only imagine how it feels like with UMS. Many times I have felt like on a race car while both pedals (whatever they are in english) are pushed to limit at the same time, and once you just release the brakes it shoots up to full speed. I can feel and I am sure beyound any shadow of doubt that UMS is going to be the thing that finally releases the brakes. This one is going to be interesting ride indeed. I will join you and other in about week or so on the ride with this beast. Have a great one Shannon!
GNOTHI SEAUTON - KNOW THYSELF
 
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#3
This is incredible Shannon! wow.


Shannon's words
"I am beginning to wonder if maybe the auric shield on this thing (which I can definitely feel emanating from me, for the first time since doing DMSI 3.1) and the programming in this program aren't giving us a sort of presence that affects how people treat us? Are we projecting a vibe of unlimited wealth, abundance and success and people are reacting to it?"

Me: yes it does and Im glad you said that Shannon, I feel and sense and'see' that not only is my auric field being protected but there is a golden shield within it, emanating from it,also...nice surprise to me. yes a GOLDEN shield of abundance just within the Auric Shield of protecting Us and People definitely are 'feeling it,sensing it" Shannon.
now that golden shield may not be for everybody,or it may, I can only know in terms of this communication here that in My case it is definitely emanating such golden positive energy as well as the other good stuff the program is doing...
"Boom Boom, IM Rich Biotch!" Dave Chappell..yeap....
I wonder if you ever feel like Dr,Frankenstein ,Shannon, Like WTF have I created? its NOT ONLY alive! its a Monster for goodness and such? grinzz. powerful stuff.
Nice to see you've started the program and the journal as well. More Magnus Power to Ya!!
A True Formula is BOTH,predictable & Repeatable
Fear Remover=A Titanium Excalibur to SLAY the DRAGON!!-Keith
Night Bird,Morning Badger!
Lack of evidence is NOT evidence of Lack! Believe-Envision

 
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#4
(07-13-2019, 08:58 AM)Shannon Wrote: And this might help some of you.

It's funny that I have seen the same video about a week ago.

(07-13-2019, 08:58 AM)Shannon Wrote: We went to the beach after dinner, and it felt very nice to relax, but I wanted to get home and keep working on USLM.  When we finished walking at the beach and I got home, I immediately continued working.  A few hours later gf walks into my office and offers me sex.  To my amazement, I had to answer that I was too tired.  (That almost never happens!) I thought about it and realized that it wasn't that I didn't want to have sex, it was that the program was at the early stages of doing what it is designed to do, and it was working me so hard that I simply didn't have any energy left.  I also realized that as the program accomplishes the changes that it is designed to make to the listener subconsciously, this won't happen anymore.  Making all these changes at top speed all at once is hugely exhausting, and working this hard on top of it.  At that point, we went to bed instead.

Is it possible to make this process smoother and maybe slower if the person require that? Sleep disturbance and low energy were a big problem with the latest sub versions and as someone who is not self employed I cannot simply take a nap when I want to but I must remain fully funtional if I want to do a good job and that was impossible in long term with that level of exhaustion. This was different when I started the sub journey because I was student back there, but now it really kills me.

In regard to the second part I marked, I am still fighting that exhaustion I experienced even after not listening to subs for a long time. It is possible that I got stuck somewhere in the process and the program couldn't finish what it has begun? In this case I am just not sure what to do, because I am still so exhausted that I had to reduce my work times and starting subs again seem not possible at the moment without stopping work like for good or getting fired. I just hope this will fade. On the other side I seem to still process something because I have many dreams which seem fear related.

I apologize for writing so much in your journal, but it seemed related to what you wrote and I didn't want to just copy the citations from your journal anywhere else. If it is better for you, you can move that and the response to my last journal (Some kind of journal...) or to the discussion thread.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
 
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#5
(07-13-2019, 01:40 PM)Shawn Wrote:
(07-13-2019, 08:58 AM)Shannon Wrote: And this might help some of you.

It's funny that I have seen the same video about a week ago.

(07-13-2019, 08:58 AM)Shannon Wrote: We went to the beach after dinner, and it felt very nice to relax, but I wanted to get home and keep working on USLM.  When we finished walking at the beach and I got home, I immediately continued working.  A few hours later gf walks into my office and offers me sex.  To my amazement, I had to answer that I was too tired.  (That almost never happens!) I thought about it and realized that it wasn't that I didn't want to have sex, it was that the program was at the early stages of doing what it is designed to do, and it was working me so hard that I simply didn't have any energy left.  I also realized that as the program accomplishes the changes that it is designed to make to the listener subconsciously, this won't happen anymore.  Making all these changes at top speed all at once is hugely exhausting, and working this hard on top of it.  At that point, we went to bed instead.

Is it possible to make this process smoother and maybe slower if the person require that? Sleep disturbance and low energy were a big problem with the latest sub versions and as someone who is not self employed I cannot simply take a nap when I want to but I must remain fully funtional if I want to do a good job and that was impossible in long term with that level of exhaustion. This was different when I started the sub journey because I was student back there, but now it really kills me.

I made UMS much smoother than previous subs.  As for slower, it works at the rate it needs to work for you to achieve the goals.  I had one day of sleep disturbance.  And my exhaustion isn't from low energy, it's from doing so much at once and being so productive consciously and subconsciously.  

Quote:In regard to the second part I marked, I am still fighting that exhaustion I experienced even after not listening to subs for a long time. It is possible that I got stuck somewhere in the process and the program couldn't finish what it has begun? In this case I am just not sure what to do, because I am still so exhausted that I had to reduce my work times and starting subs again seem not possible at the moment without stopping work like for good or getting fired. I just hope this will fade. On the other side I seem to still process something because I have many dreams which seem fear related.

If you're dealing with exhaustion even after not listening to subs for a long time, then depending on how long (more than about 20-35 days) it's not the subliminal.  Magnus Engine v2 isn't designed to make these programs "go slow" or "be gentle".  It's designed to get the job done and, given how much resistance and other such crap has been thrown up to prevent achieving the goals of these programs time and time again, be as powerful and aggressive as necessary to do it.  But like all new technology, the changes it causes only need to be made once, and then you acclimate.  For example: when we went from 4G to 5G, during my first test of the first 5G sub my brain was so exhausted by the program that I literally fell asleep within 10 minutes of starting the program.  Now look at us; the very first 5.5G sub (E2) was light years more powerful and effective, but people acclimated.  And now we're closing in on the end of 5.5G and UMS is light years ahead of even LTU5, which itself was light years ahead of the stuff that came before it.  People started off having challenges, and then they acclimated.  It is simply a process of making the changes that are being required by the subliminal; as they are achieved, the energy required drops and so does the tiredness.

The only thing I can think of for how having used a subliminal could have affected you with long lasting exhaustion is if you subconsciously decided that keeping yourself exhausted all the time would make the stakes too high to use the subliminals anymore, as a punishment that would get worse and more costly if you kept going.  That seems pretty far-fetched and unlikely to me, though.  I think more than likely if you're experiencing exhaustion after the amount of time I stated above, then it's got something to do with something else.  

Quote:I apologize for writing so much in your journal, but it seemed related to what you wrote and I didn't want to just copy the citations from your journal anywhere else. If it is better for you, you can move that and the response to my last journal (Some kind of journal...) or to the discussion thread.

Since this is my journal, it is better for you to copy my citations somewhere else - usually my journal discussion thread, which is specifically for that purpose.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#6
UMS Question: Add a loop inside of DMSI breaks?

Hello Shannon, and thanks for the compelling and fun to read journal entry! I love the way you paint a picture of your own life and growth patterns, for our benefit as well as yours.

I am presently 78 days into DMSI (which I have chosen to use for a year). My intuition strongly draws me to buy UMS, and I can afford to make that purchase within the next two weeks (I think).

Here's my question:

Can I keep using DMSI as I am now (per your schedule), continue this for the rest of my year (ending 4/27/2020), but using one loop of USM on the middle day of the three day rest periods which are periodic in my DMSI listening, and expect to keep getting great results from DMSI, AND get the goals of USM at the same time?

I'll be happy to journal out the (joint and several progress), in my existing DMSI journal about the effects of adding in a loop of USM, should you suggest I that I go ahead and try what I have been suggesting.

Thanks again for all that you do and create!

Best wishes,
Nathaniel
 
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#7
(07-14-2019, 05:08 AM)AlwaysLearning Wrote: UMS Question: Add a loop inside of DMSI breaks?

Hello Shannon, and thanks for the compelling and fun to read journal entry! I love the way you paint a picture of your own life and growth patterns, for our benefit as well as yours.

I am presently 78 days into DMSI (which I have chosen to use for a year). My intuition strongly draws me to buy UMS, and I can afford to make that purchase within the next two weeks (I think).

Here's my question:

Can I keep using DMSI as I am now (per your schedule), continue this for the rest of my year (ending 4/27/2020), but using one loop of USM on the middle day of the three day rest periods which are periodic in my DMSI listening, and expect to keep getting great results from DMSI, AND get the goals of USM at the same time?

I'll be happy to journal out the (joint and several progress), in my existing DMSI journal about the effects of adding in a loop of USM, should you suggest I that I go ahead and try what I have been suggesting.

Thanks again for all that you do and create!

Best wishes,
Nathaniel

Don't use UMS with anything else.  I need to know what UMS does by itself, before I am worried about how it works with something else.  I wouldn't recommend using UMS and DMSI together anyway, since their goals are rather contradictory.  One will focus you on getting sex and one will focus you on getting money.  Wise men know that you cannot focus on getting both at once, because achieving money takes time, and achieving sex takes time and money.  One depletes the other in both directions.  The only way to have it all is to find a woman who will be relatively low maintenance and give you sex regularly, and then get to money, or already have a significant amount of money and then take some time off to find a woman.

So pick one.  The next version of DMSI should be coming out in the not too distant future, as well, which should be a very significant upgrade.  It will be out before you would be done with the run of UMS.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#8
Very interesting with the frm results. It sounds like mindfulness in it's most basic form, but something unique about it is being able to compartmentalize and dissect the fear. Did you feel it was your awareness of what the fear was that dissolved it? Or was it more like you watched the unfolding of a deep subconscious execution of the script? And was this unique to the improvements you've made in the frm script? I've often found myself in the past get "sucked into" emotions and fear. Much like a person drowning who panics and ends up potentially drowning the rescuer as well.
INFP
 
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#9
(07-14-2019, 05:25 AM)mat422 Wrote: Very interesting with the frm results. It sounds like mindfulness in it's most basic form, but something unique about it is being able to compartmentalize and dissect the fear. Did you feel it was your awareness of what the fear was that dissolved it? Or was it more like you watched the unfolding of a deep subconscious execution of the script?

What dissolved the fear was the FRM doing its job because the ME2 made it impossible to resist.  I have no conscious knowledge of what the fear was.  

Quote:And was this unique to the improvements you've made in the frm script? I've often found myself in the past get "sucked into" emotions and fear. Much like a person drowning who panics and ends up potentially drowning the rescuer as well.

Like I said, it's a combination of the FRM and there being enough power for it to accomplish its goals. Some of it was doubtless the new additions that made 4.6, but the 4.5 script was pretty darned good too - just didn't have enough power behind it.  Now, it should have enough power that as long as you get the right amount of exposure, it just works.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#10
(07-14-2019, 07:07 AM)Shannon Wrote:
(07-14-2019, 05:25 AM)mat422 Wrote: Very interesting with the frm results. It sounds like mindfulness in it's most basic form, but something unique about it is being able to compartmentalize and dissect the fear. Did you feel it was your awareness of what the fear was that dissolved it? Or was it more like you watched the unfolding of a deep subconscious execution of the script?

What dissolved the fear was the FRM doing its job because the ME2 made it impossible to resist.  I have no conscious knowledge of what the fear was.  

Quote:And was this unique to the improvements you've made in the frm script? I've often found myself in the past get "sucked into" emotions and fear. Much like a person drowning who panics and ends up potentially drowning the rescuer as well.

Like I said, it's a combination of the FRM and there being enough power for it to accomplish its goals. Some of it was doubtless the new additions that made 4.6, but the 4.5 script was pretty darned good too - just didn't have enough power behind it.  Now, it should have enough power that as long as you get the right amount of exposure, it just works.

@Shannon 
Wow. Can’t wait to experience the new FRM in USLM4.1
 
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#11
Spent some time this morning working on something we haven't released yet, and didn't even realize I was working until GF got mad at me for working on my day off. Wait, it's my day off? But... I don't want a day off! I want to keep going. Oh, alright... and I forced myself to go take some time off.

There was a period of time today when I felt depressed. At first I didn't know why I was depressed. I just laid down, fully dressed, and stayed there, eyes open, unblinking. My dogs came over and snuggled me, and my cat did too. I was feeling the depression out, trying to understand it, and it was teetering on the level of "I'll just lay here unresponsive and stare into oblivion until whenever", but I decided to try to pull myself out of it and go do something outside. Getting up wasn't easy at first, but as I expected, I felt better when I started getting some sunlight.

We went to a park where she did her relaxation thing and I rode my electric unicycle. I wear full gear, which is slightly annoying to put on, but after hitting the road at 30 mph I don't regret putting it on, no matter what anyone says or how dorky it looks. It was 95 F, so I stayed close by so that she wouldn't have to deal with me taking 20 minutes to get back from a long ride if she started to overheat. But the lack of freedom just made me more depressed, so I put it away and we went to the river walk. By the time we had parked, I understood why I was depressed: E3 was hitting levels and nerves that it had never hit before, and the result was depression. Doubtless depression in the face of resistance being hopeless and useless, and my subconscious executing the script regardless.

At it's worst it was barely moderate, most of the time just a light feeling. We ended up discovering a free concert that was being put on, sitting in the grass under a big oak tree by the river and enjoying the music, the breeze and each other's company. Oh, and some King Mackerel smoked fish dip that was freakin' amazing, which we had discovered at the nearby green market. Damned fish dip was so good that we ate too much and now we are over an hour and a half late for dinner and still not hungry.

But getting out made me feel better.

Then we got home and I started working again, tried to stop myself by reading some interesting stuff online and browsing some art websites, found myself working again, and basically repeated this several times.

I feel like working is fun again... I haven't felt like this in 2 or 3 years now. It's kind of nice. But I do need to take some time off. So does gf, so we have decided that we are going on a road trip Tuesday, and we will not be working or answering our phones. Going to just go and have a good time doing various things in the area and relaxing.

Secretly, I can't wait to get back to working on USLM 4.1 tomorrow. Shhh! Don't tell gf, she'll get mad at me. Big Grin
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#12
I'm noticing that this program has me burning a lot more energy than I was burning before. I'm also having periods of being so grateful for, appreciative of and in love with my gf I can't stand it.

It took some serious effort not to work today. Glad that's over. Bring it on!
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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#13
You know, that auric shielding thing - the way it seems to be making people more respectful and somewhat eager-to-please - I've been noticing that effect too. It also has the very beneficial side-effect of ill-wishing people staying away. I think it is because on some level, when you're shielded from negative outside influences, you are being perceived by others - consciously and unconsciously - as a "self-contained" person who cannot be influenced to their detriment - so, I guess, as a powerful person. Personal power, self-mastery and all that jazz.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
 
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#14
Yesterday was a Very Bad Day ™.  I tried to force the program to be finished regardless, but in the end, on the last step, I found myself blocked.  Because of what went wrong, more things went wrong, and it snowballed.  GF tried to make things better, but I was depressed to the point that nothing she did helped.

Woke up late today (because we got to bed late last night) and was even more depressed.  Then I got to thinking about it.  Yesterday in an attempt to regulate my mood, I listened to a loop, but it got interrupted.  Then I tried again a bit later, and it got interrupted.  Then I played a loop when we went to bed.

What if this depression is E3 digging up something I have blocking me at a very fundamental level, I wondered.  I got to thinking about that and then slowly up from my subconscious comes this communication from my 2 year old self.  He was showing me that Mom was his security, and mom was associated with poverty.  The only introduction he had to "wealth" was when my mother got drunk and wandered into a much nicer house with the front door unlocked, and got arrested for it because she thought it was her house when the owners came home and argued with them over it.  His association with "wealth", as he understood it, was this deep wound that this experience caused.  Unlimited feelings of fear, insecurity and instability.  My 2 year old self concluded that "poverty = security, and wealth = scary"!  And my depression was his way of expressing discomfort in being pushed to experience wealth anyway.

Once I understood that it didn't take me long to make some changes.  I imagined myself holding my 2 year old self in my arms and showing him a palatial mansion that I owned, and explaining to him that I was him, and that because I was him, I would never leave him and I would always be there for him and with him, and always keep him safe because his best interests are my best interests.  And that we can enjoy wealth without losing security because poverty isn't security, and wealth isn't what he thought it was.  That wealth gives us the ability to be more secure, and have more of the stability he wants.

Once I did that, the depression started lifting.  This poor little guy inside me has been locked in a constant cycle of fear because his understanding was that "mom = security", but mom was an active alcoholic at the time, and was at the same time the source of my experiences of lack of security!  This part of me has been trying to hold onto the only source of security it knew, which was the main source of INsecurity at the same time!

Now I believe I have communicated that I will be taking over for mom in taking care of him, and providing us with security, and I am feeling better.  There is still a little depression, but wow... what a revelation!  I think that was the main thing holding me back from achieving unlimited wealth.  

Hopefully now I will be able to finish USLM 4.1.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
 
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