Self Esteem 5.5 Weekly Update Journal

[Shannon]

How do I throw it out though?
I feel like I'm back 3 or 4 years, when I was feeling miserable and my self-esteem was very low.
During the last two years I felt increasingly better about myself. But right now I feel how I felt back then. Clearly stuff has been activated by the sub. Now that it's brought up, I obviously need to throw it out. But how to do so?

Will SE throw the garbage out for me or do I need to take any actions? Like sitting with these emotions, getting to the core of the problem etc. Trying to think differently then the garbage is telling you to think etc. Cause tbh I tried all this stuff for years but this emotional state never shifted. Maybe I need to try something else, or maybe just enjoy the ride and let SE take care of throwing the garbage out?

There's not much information about the SE script and even then I don't know if a sub can make you "throw stuff out". Your thoughts Shannon?

What SE is doing is making you have higher self esteem. The part of your subconscious that is throwing this up is trying to override that and insist that this is what you deserve instead and what you are. SE will eventually override and overwrite this. In that sense, it will throw it out for you with enough usage time.

To consciously throw it out, all you have to do is realize how ridiculous it is to think that you have that low a value, and reject that reality in favor of the one in which you are experiencing all of what SE is trying to, and eventually going to achieve.

[Simon]

Thanks for the insight Shannon. What would you consider enough usage time? It probably depends a lot on the person and other factors, but roughly speaking?

Had a dream last night, about a dude from school, maybe 12 years back or so. I never think or dream about this guy.

We had a physical fight in the dream, just like he sometimes was putting me down by keeping me in a lock position like in wrestling. We were hanging out with eachother but he did this a couple of times when we started sort of wrestling for fun.

Even though it was playful at the time, I felt inferior when he had me in a grip lock. I feel the same when people are putting me down with words.

So in this dream he again won the wrestle contest but this time it wasn't playful. When he walked away like a champion, I said: wait, where are you going? I'm not ready with you.

So he turned around and said: okay if you want some more then let's do this. All of the sudden he looked super muscular and strong, like a bodybuilder.

I then backed of, rationalising that he's stronger than me and I get beaten again. Next time I hope to kick his ass or get beaten again in the process, so what.

Even though I didn't really went through with standing up for myself, there was a small nugde of courage and strength when I told him I'm not done with him yet.

Let's hope I kick the *** out of him next time in my dreams.

Also interesting to note, when I went to sleep last night, I had my eyes closed and it was fully dark in the room. But there was this short light flash inside my head. I checked if it wasn't just the light flickering but that was impossible. After that I felt energy moving in most of my chakra's, one by one, and at last my hands and feet. I normally don't feel this, it was noticeable

[Shannon]

Thanks for the insight Shannon. What would you consider enough usage time? It probably depends a lot on the person and other factors, but roughly speaking?

Everyone is different. The only thing I can tell you is that roughly speaking, it will take exactly as long as it takes.

Your dream shows that you are working on making the changes, but there's more work to do yet. Keep going.

[Simon]

Haha alright fair enough, I just keep it running until I feel like I don't longer need more self esteem.

Had an interesting dream again. Before the sub I didn't remember much dreams at all. I think I kinda shut it off because of fear for what's stored in my subconscious. This week before I fall asleep every night, I state to myself that I want to dream and recall everything. It's been working so far.

So the dream: I approached a girl and got her phone number and felt pretty confident and calm while doing so in the dream. In real life this gives me a lot more stress than I felt in the dream, or maybe it shifted a bit, who knows.

My focus is not on women at all, just want to focus on myself and building self esteem and a good career and stuff, really focus on self development. But still interesting that I had this dream, felt pretty calm and confident when approaching this girl in my dreams.

Also on a side note, the turmoil of some days ago is now over and I feel more stable again, much like how I felt in the first week of running SE

[DarkPlouf]

I feel like I'm back 3 or 4 years, when I was feeling miserable and my self-esteem was very low.
During the last two years I felt increasingly better about myself. But right now I feel how I felt back then.

Ah...I thought that wasn't related and I didn't report it but YES I got the same thing too.
Before switching to SE I did make good progress with myself, how I feel and co, but the night I ran SE everything went downhill and yes as you said it exactly felt like travelling back to some years ago when everything was worse. At that time I remember my self-esteem was very low and I was socially reserved. At around that time a friend abandoned me and that deeply affected me, as I recall.
The same thing happened in just a time span of running SE for a few days. My life was a big joke.

But personally I just saw it as a mere coincidence or just my mind forcing an explanation to a sudden change of mood.
And now that I'm out of this loop I'm seeing that I probably just felt that way because of the exhaustion from the sub. Exhaustion -> Low Energy -> Depression -> All the other goodies around it -> Negative thoughts patterns -> Attract even more issues.
That's something I found about. Anything that makes me tired or drain me in any way causes depression and that's the start of a hell of time. (Like ejaculating)

So I didn't put the nasty effects as resistance but simply a consequence of the overwhelming effects of the sub. That stay quite personal and everyone is different but, watch out for your energy level...Since I realized it I'm feeling way better.

[Simon]

Week 4:

Not much to say really, don't have any breakthroughs or changes in my perception. Still a very subtle experience, but I'm gonna run this sub long term and see where it takes me.

I had a dream last night that is worth mentioning. I was sort of bullied by this guy from lower school and felt the inferior thing like mentioned before. This was played out in my dream again. In my dream I felt the same but after a while, when the dream progressed, I was walking through the hallway and he was sneaking up behind me to hit me on my head from the back. When he tried to hit me I turned around and put a knife in his torso. Was pretty sneaky and intense. Then his friends came after me and I ran away and also stabbed another friend of him when he was chasing me.

I think the theme was similar to the dream I wrote here before. Someone is putting me down and I feel bad about myself/ low self worth. I still had this feeling in the dream, only this time I sneakily striked back, although pretty extreme.. Killing him in the process, obviously not the right way to handle such situation. But I think it stands symbolic for fighting back.

Let's see what next week will bring. Like I said I haven't noticed much difference last week, I was hoping to feel my self-esteem much more improved after one month of playing this sub to be honest.

Gonna change the setup a bit. Now playing the sub during sleep over my sleepphones. But getting the idea that it slips a bit of my ears sometimes. I wake up in the middle of the night, and then I hear the sub playing more silent because of the speakers not being perfectly on my ears.

Gonna play the ultrasound now over speakers that I'm gonna put at the end of my bed on both sides.
The panning is still important right? Like that the audio of the left speaker goes into one ear and for the other side the same. I heard somewhere in the past that this is why headphones are preferred. Is this still the case with the new generation subliminals?

[Shannon]

Stereo separation is important because the subs are created with a design that uses it to cause your brain to become more efficient in processing the program script. Therefore keeping the stereo channels separated is important.

[Jake2015]

Stereo separation is important because the subs are created with a design that uses it to cause your brain to become more efficient in processing the program script. Therefore keeping the stereo channels separated is important.

If it helps, I have my speakers separated on either side of the bed, at the pillow side.

I sleep closer to the left side/left speaker rather than being in the middle or the right.

Im sure this wont affect me as long as I have the volume at a reasonable level.

I move to the centre of the bed where I cant differentiate and then move to the right to check the speaker is on which it is and its playing then I come back to where I sleep and just sleep and let it play.

I know Ben I think like me sleeps where 1 ear is on the pillow (on our side) and so we think it could block the effect of the sub, but it never affected him so im more content knowing this as I usually have 1 ear blocked when im sleep with the pillow or my arm lol

hope that helps