03-29-2015, 09:45 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-29-2015, 09:51 PM by DarthXedonias.)
Stage 4, Day 22
Only 10 more days left in this stage and can't wait. Hoping the real fun begins in Stage 5 (If Enoch and Jimbobday's journals are to be believed). So far in this stage though I'm feeling very happy and joyful lately. My confidence is increasing and have less tolerance for BS. That less tolerance for BS has definitely shown itself over the last week or so. I'm a leader in a certain group or "guild" you could call it. Recently have had to deal with a problem between 1 person and 2 other people. I didn't take sides and pointed out problems that both sides needed to work on. Both sides agreed to work on it but I come to find out later that the 2 other people just gave lip service and then decided to do some shady, underhanded in the background stuff. On the one hand I'm not surprised, the two people are a 21 year old beta male (of the white knight variety) and a 17 year old female who has the guy wrapped around her finger. What made this whole situation irritating is the fact that the woman is one of those females who needs constant external validation, and gets very depressed when she doesn't get what she wants. Also takes any type of criticism really hard even though you might not even say it harshly. Of course, whenever she does get down the "White knight" (might as well read "enabler" of her bad behavior) comes to her "rescue" and automatically validates her even though she might not even be in right.
Of course this isn't helping her at all. All its doing is telling her that when she is down emotionally she can control some guy to give her validation and that she doesn't need to really admit to her problems because there's always some "beta" out there that will have her back. Sad thing that shes already learning this at age 17
. I've kinda of already excused myself from this situation because I refuse to waste anymore energy on a lost cause when its clear 2 people involved don't want any solution other than getting there way. The group has already splintered into 2 separate camps (with me on my own side of course). Might have to find a new group to spend time with then cause I don't like all this drama over stuff that's petty in my opinion.
In other news, in my college situation I have decided to make the move to Houston, Texas this fall. It turns out that I already missed the application deadline for the University in San Francisco so my only other choice is to go to Texas if I want to continue college for next fall. Though I am happy that this has finally been decided, this does present another problem. Mainly that it would suck if I did the AYP sub after WM and manifested my perfect lover only to have a 2 month sexual relationship with them then move out of state
. So this "might" push me to do EPHRA right after WM.
Lately, I've been reading "The Rational male" (thanks Ben for suggesting the book), which I think is a pretty good read so far. There was one paragraph that really got to me though:
"The term Power has a lot of misapplied connotations to it. When we think of Powerful people, we think of influence, wealth, prestige, status and the ability to have others do our bidding – all of these are not Power. As much as we’d like to convince ourselves that women are attracted to this definition of Power, this is false. Because what I've described as aspects of Power here are really manifestations of Power. Here’s a cosmic secret revealed for you:
Real Power is the degree to which a person has control over their own circumstances. Real Power is the degree to which we actually control the directions of our lives. When we allow our thinking, our personality disorders and our mental schemas, combined with their accompanying behaviors, to determine the course of our decisions, we relinquish real Power. The man who succumbs, by force or by will, to the responsibilities, liabilities and accountabilities that are required of him by society, marriage, commitment, family, fatherhood, career choice, the military,
etc. leaves him very little influence over the course of his own life."
The thing that I instantly thought of when I read this is the whole fact that AM6 (and by extension the magnets) tries to get you to this point of having real power by trying to have you attain Self-mastery. As a example, the two people I mentioned above don't have self-mastery and hence don't have control over their circumstances. They let their environment master them instead of the other way around. The woman is controlled by her insecurities and the guy is controlled by his urge to get in her pants despite the cost to himself. Its really opened my eyes to the fact that unless we have this self-mastery we essentially become like animals running on auto-pilot (based on our insecurities, biological imperative, fear, etc). Really good insight and I thought I would share it.
Lastly, there was something strange that happened yesterday that I think needs mentioning. I went to eat at my favorite burrito place and went up to the serving counter to make my order. This older woman who has taking my order a couple times before asked me how she could help me with this really big smile on her face. Automatically I thought something was up and I was getting a weird vibe from her this time. I gave her my order and told her to make it to go. I'm waiting for a bit and then she asked me again a few minutes later if it was to go. This woman has taken my order before multiple times and never once asked me again anything about my order. I tell her again it was to go and she goes off to complete the order. When its completed she sits the order on the counter for the person at the cash register to ring up and says thank you as she walks away. Another thing I have never heard her say to me before. When I get home and open up the box I see that it has a bunch of different things with it (sauces) and that the Quesadilla is chopped into smaller, manageable pieces. Not much, but I've never had this same lady ever do any of these things for me before. Just weird in my opinion.
*Edit* Also, one other thing I forgot to mention. I literally went on facebook today and cut my friends list by more than half. As I went through it I realized just how many people on that list really weren't my friends at all and some had even mistreated me in the past. I've actually contemplated just erasing my entire account but there are some people that I can only contact through facebook.
Only 10 more days left in this stage and can't wait. Hoping the real fun begins in Stage 5 (If Enoch and Jimbobday's journals are to be believed). So far in this stage though I'm feeling very happy and joyful lately. My confidence is increasing and have less tolerance for BS. That less tolerance for BS has definitely shown itself over the last week or so. I'm a leader in a certain group or "guild" you could call it. Recently have had to deal with a problem between 1 person and 2 other people. I didn't take sides and pointed out problems that both sides needed to work on. Both sides agreed to work on it but I come to find out later that the 2 other people just gave lip service and then decided to do some shady, underhanded in the background stuff. On the one hand I'm not surprised, the two people are a 21 year old beta male (of the white knight variety) and a 17 year old female who has the guy wrapped around her finger. What made this whole situation irritating is the fact that the woman is one of those females who needs constant external validation, and gets very depressed when she doesn't get what she wants. Also takes any type of criticism really hard even though you might not even say it harshly. Of course, whenever she does get down the "White knight" (might as well read "enabler" of her bad behavior) comes to her "rescue" and automatically validates her even though she might not even be in right.
Of course this isn't helping her at all. All its doing is telling her that when she is down emotionally she can control some guy to give her validation and that she doesn't need to really admit to her problems because there's always some "beta" out there that will have her back. Sad thing that shes already learning this at age 17
. I've kinda of already excused myself from this situation because I refuse to waste anymore energy on a lost cause when its clear 2 people involved don't want any solution other than getting there way. The group has already splintered into 2 separate camps (with me on my own side of course). Might have to find a new group to spend time with then cause I don't like all this drama over stuff that's petty in my opinion. In other news, in my college situation I have decided to make the move to Houston, Texas this fall. It turns out that I already missed the application deadline for the University in San Francisco so my only other choice is to go to Texas if I want to continue college for next fall. Though I am happy that this has finally been decided, this does present another problem. Mainly that it would suck if I did the AYP sub after WM and manifested my perfect lover only to have a 2 month sexual relationship with them then move out of state
. So this "might" push me to do EPHRA right after WM. Lately, I've been reading "The Rational male" (thanks Ben for suggesting the book), which I think is a pretty good read so far. There was one paragraph that really got to me though:
"The term Power has a lot of misapplied connotations to it. When we think of Powerful people, we think of influence, wealth, prestige, status and the ability to have others do our bidding – all of these are not Power. As much as we’d like to convince ourselves that women are attracted to this definition of Power, this is false. Because what I've described as aspects of Power here are really manifestations of Power. Here’s a cosmic secret revealed for you:
Real Power is the degree to which a person has control over their own circumstances. Real Power is the degree to which we actually control the directions of our lives. When we allow our thinking, our personality disorders and our mental schemas, combined with their accompanying behaviors, to determine the course of our decisions, we relinquish real Power. The man who succumbs, by force or by will, to the responsibilities, liabilities and accountabilities that are required of him by society, marriage, commitment, family, fatherhood, career choice, the military,
etc. leaves him very little influence over the course of his own life."
The thing that I instantly thought of when I read this is the whole fact that AM6 (and by extension the magnets) tries to get you to this point of having real power by trying to have you attain Self-mastery. As a example, the two people I mentioned above don't have self-mastery and hence don't have control over their circumstances. They let their environment master them instead of the other way around. The woman is controlled by her insecurities and the guy is controlled by his urge to get in her pants despite the cost to himself. Its really opened my eyes to the fact that unless we have this self-mastery we essentially become like animals running on auto-pilot (based on our insecurities, biological imperative, fear, etc). Really good insight and I thought I would share it.
Lastly, there was something strange that happened yesterday that I think needs mentioning. I went to eat at my favorite burrito place and went up to the serving counter to make my order. This older woman who has taking my order a couple times before asked me how she could help me with this really big smile on her face. Automatically I thought something was up and I was getting a weird vibe from her this time. I gave her my order and told her to make it to go. I'm waiting for a bit and then she asked me again a few minutes later if it was to go. This woman has taken my order before multiple times and never once asked me again anything about my order. I tell her again it was to go and she goes off to complete the order. When its completed she sits the order on the counter for the person at the cash register to ring up and says thank you as she walks away. Another thing I have never heard her say to me before. When I get home and open up the box I see that it has a bunch of different things with it (sauces) and that the Quesadilla is chopped into smaller, manageable pieces. Not much, but I've never had this same lady ever do any of these things for me before. Just weird in my opinion.
*Edit* Also, one other thing I forgot to mention. I literally went on facebook today and cut my friends list by more than half. As I went through it I realized just how many people on that list really weren't my friends at all and some had even mistreated me in the past. I've actually contemplated just erasing my entire account but there are some people that I can only contact through facebook.
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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