01-31-2015, 06:16 PM
Thought I would give a quick update because I have noticed a few things in the past 2 days. I should probably start off with the weird dreams I've been having. I should first mention the very significant dream I had shortly before my last update, that I meant to mention then. In the dream I had just gotten discharged from the navy and decided to room with a girl I knew in the navy in Florida. For background, this is the girl that was part of the problem behind my first contemplation about suicide and I had actually been rooming with her at the time in real life (Though we were stationed in Hawaii). I didn't see her throughout the dream though because I think she got Deployed to somewhere else while I stayed in the house. Throughout the dream I kept feeling this fear based on what I was going to do now and how I was going to pay for stuff now that I was out of the navy. Other than that I just saw only myself in the dream doing normal stuff (washing my car, going into the kitchen that was a mess to go get some food, etc). The reason I think this was significant is because the day after I had this dream I noticed that something was missing. It felt like something that had been weighing me down had been taken off my shoulders and I felt much lighter and happy. That is when I also noticed that Dreams and ambitions from when I was a kid, things I hadn't thought about in years, started coming back to me with a vengeance. Another dream I had was wild. I was in a movie theater and then all of a sudden a lot of the men and women in theater stand up and start dancing. Some of the women even start flashing people. Then this one cranky, short women gets in the middle theater and starts b!tching people out for their behavior during the movie. One women in the crowd basically tells her to stop being a prune and to **** off. Everyone starts dancing again and even more women start flashing their Breast just to aggravate the cranky chick. The cranky chick then just marched off in disgust. The last dream I had was another one where I had just gotten discharged out of the navy and was getting a ride by helicopter with someone else. For some reason we had to land the chopper, go through a navy ship, and go through the pier to get home. As you know, if you aren't military anymore and get caught in a military restricted zone you can get in a lot of trouble. The whole time we are making our way through the ship, while interacting with people sometimes, I had this fear coming over me that we are going to get caught. The thing is that we get off the ship and make it to the pier. After we got through the last military check point I just thought to myself about everyone on that ship was just so stupid to not even figure out we weren't suppose to be there. I don't know what all these dreams mean, but this is the first time I've had so many within the span of just 5 days.
Another thing I've noticed is my instant reaction to others beta behavior. There have been other instances of this in stage 2 but one sticks out in my mind. Last thursday I was in my art history class and the women right next to me said something, can't remember what, trying to be funny. She then tried to give one of those courtesy laughs to try and get the teacher to laugh a bit. From what I've studied about body language when a person tries to say something funny and it falls flat, they will try to do some fake laughing to try and get others to laugh. Its not only to fill the awkward silence but its a form of approval seeking. My instant bodily reaction to her doing this was a sudden surge of agitation and frustration. One min later, I just thought to myself "Wow, where the heck did that reaction come from?" I noticed a similar thing when I was still working at last job and the women I worked with started getting more chatty with me during stage 2. When they would start seeking my approval or validation in some way I would start getting very agitated and annoyed.
Neediness is practically gone. I was sitting in the student cafe reading while waiting for my last class to start in 2 hours. While i'm reading, out of the corner of my eye, I see a women sit down in a booth up a few rows across from me. What catches my eye is that I notice shes somewhat busty. We make eye contact briefly then I look away to get back to reading. I say to myself "She looked pretty good". I then look back at her to get a better look. I then decide after getting a better look, that she is "ok", get back to reading, and pretty much totally dismiss her from my mind. Like a hour and a half later the thought occurs to me, "Wow, did I just do that. Totally was able to dismiss a girl out of my mind and concentrate on something else"? I looked over again to see if she was still there but she had left quite a while ago. What had caught me about the whole thing was that not only was I not needy (which was dealt pretty well in AM6) but I had totally dismissed her out of my mind completely after I had decided she wasn't up to my "standards" for a women. After thinking about this for a while I really realized how this stages increase in my value/class also influenced how I value women. Its basically made me very, very picky about them.
The last thing I've noticed is that I'm still getting instances of intuition and observational awareness. I was sitting in a class room, waiting for my class to begin. I'm going through some papers and look up at this guy who walked into the room. We make eye contact for just a moment then I go back to what I was doing. I got this weird feeling and then this voice in the back of my head said, "Hes going to sit next you". He sits in another chair two rows away, for like 3 seconds, and then decides to stand up and sit in the seat right next to me. Either I'm getting psychic powers or I was relating something through my eye contact. I remember in one of the David Deangelo videos I watched that he mentioned a incident that I found very interesting. There was a guy that he had spoken on the phone with but never met. When David actually met him he said the guy had this Maximus (from gladiator) stare. It wasn't like he was angry or anything, he just had this bland facial expression with this intense glare in his eyes. He said that he automatically caught himself wanting to appease this guy and seek his validation. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. If this is true, its must be crazy how much we can understand about a person just through eye contact or body language, even though we might not understand whats going on consciously.
Before I end this post I should probably say two things. The first thing is that since roughly the beginning of stage 2 I've actually changed the way I listen to the the subs. While I'm sleeping, I listen through speakers. I did this because I found myself getting annoyed wearing my headphones while sleeping and taking them off at times. I now use the turtle beach headphones only when I'm awake. The second thing is that I will probably cancel out the idea of using the 5G AYP sub at the end this set. Reason being that there is a 90% chance I will be moving to Houston, TX for university. So, for me there would be no point in manifesting my perfect lover during the summer (while still in San Francisco) if i'm just going to be moving out of state in August. So I will be continuing as planned with SM 3.0 after WM. I also see this move as beneficial because it would easier to bring girls back home. Right now I live with my Mom and Step-dad in a apartment, so that kinda of limits anything I can do with a girl mainly to her place. Whereas if I move to Houston my Dad actually owns a house (that he doesn't really live in anymore and which will be mine since its in his will). Therefore I would be living in a 3 bedroom house all to myself and be able to bring women over whenever I want
Another thing I've noticed is my instant reaction to others beta behavior. There have been other instances of this in stage 2 but one sticks out in my mind. Last thursday I was in my art history class and the women right next to me said something, can't remember what, trying to be funny. She then tried to give one of those courtesy laughs to try and get the teacher to laugh a bit. From what I've studied about body language when a person tries to say something funny and it falls flat, they will try to do some fake laughing to try and get others to laugh. Its not only to fill the awkward silence but its a form of approval seeking. My instant bodily reaction to her doing this was a sudden surge of agitation and frustration. One min later, I just thought to myself "Wow, where the heck did that reaction come from?" I noticed a similar thing when I was still working at last job and the women I worked with started getting more chatty with me during stage 2. When they would start seeking my approval or validation in some way I would start getting very agitated and annoyed.
Neediness is practically gone. I was sitting in the student cafe reading while waiting for my last class to start in 2 hours. While i'm reading, out of the corner of my eye, I see a women sit down in a booth up a few rows across from me. What catches my eye is that I notice shes somewhat busty. We make eye contact briefly then I look away to get back to reading. I say to myself "She looked pretty good". I then look back at her to get a better look. I then decide after getting a better look, that she is "ok", get back to reading, and pretty much totally dismiss her from my mind. Like a hour and a half later the thought occurs to me, "Wow, did I just do that. Totally was able to dismiss a girl out of my mind and concentrate on something else"? I looked over again to see if she was still there but she had left quite a while ago. What had caught me about the whole thing was that not only was I not needy (which was dealt pretty well in AM6) but I had totally dismissed her out of my mind completely after I had decided she wasn't up to my "standards" for a women. After thinking about this for a while I really realized how this stages increase in my value/class also influenced how I value women. Its basically made me very, very picky about them.
The last thing I've noticed is that I'm still getting instances of intuition and observational awareness. I was sitting in a class room, waiting for my class to begin. I'm going through some papers and look up at this guy who walked into the room. We make eye contact for just a moment then I go back to what I was doing. I got this weird feeling and then this voice in the back of my head said, "Hes going to sit next you". He sits in another chair two rows away, for like 3 seconds, and then decides to stand up and sit in the seat right next to me. Either I'm getting psychic powers or I was relating something through my eye contact. I remember in one of the David Deangelo videos I watched that he mentioned a incident that I found very interesting. There was a guy that he had spoken on the phone with but never met. When David actually met him he said the guy had this Maximus (from gladiator) stare. It wasn't like he was angry or anything, he just had this bland facial expression with this intense glare in his eyes. He said that he automatically caught himself wanting to appease this guy and seek his validation. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. If this is true, its must be crazy how much we can understand about a person just through eye contact or body language, even though we might not understand whats going on consciously.
Before I end this post I should probably say two things. The first thing is that since roughly the beginning of stage 2 I've actually changed the way I listen to the the subs. While I'm sleeping, I listen through speakers. I did this because I found myself getting annoyed wearing my headphones while sleeping and taking them off at times. I now use the turtle beach headphones only when I'm awake. The second thing is that I will probably cancel out the idea of using the 5G AYP sub at the end this set. Reason being that there is a 90% chance I will be moving to Houston, TX for university. So, for me there would be no point in manifesting my perfect lover during the summer (while still in San Francisco) if i'm just going to be moving out of state in August. So I will be continuing as planned with SM 3.0 after WM. I also see this move as beneficial because it would easier to bring girls back home. Right now I live with my Mom and Step-dad in a apartment, so that kinda of limits anything I can do with a girl mainly to her place. Whereas if I move to Houston my Dad actually owns a house (that he doesn't really live in anymore and which will be mine since its in his will). Therefore I would be living in a 3 bedroom house all to myself and be able to bring women over whenever I want
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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